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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think Mumsnetters are quite antisocial?

209 replies

ifdaryldiesweriot · 06/03/2015 21:19

Just from reading different threads its just the feeling I get.

People don't answer the door or their home phone.

It has to be also be pre-arranged for anyone to pop over. My cousin came to deliver something today, no idea she was coming, happy to see her and invited her in.

People don't seem to like other people in their house, I was at a friends party last week. They were still up at 7am, I fell asleep and ended up staying the night - didn't ask and it wasn't a problem. I think this would horrify some.

A "girls night" seems to be viewed as rather childish.

If a partner has friends over it seems to have mutual agreement that this is annoying.

I could be very wrong and happy to be told so.

OP posts:
fatlazymummy · 07/03/2015 00:04

I'm getting less and less sociable as I get older. I've always found socialising quite difficult and used to rely on alcohol to help me relax and feel like I fit in. I don't drink now, so find it more difficult. Apart from that, I just enjoy being on my own now.
I'm not anti social though, because that implies doing harm to others. I always try not to do that, in fact I try to be as considerate as possible.

NobodyLivesHere · 07/03/2015 00:08

countess well I suppose that's my own fault for not answering. Its never happened yet that I've missed something vitally important by not answering.

countessmarkyabitch · 07/03/2015 00:08

Fair enough!

SwirlyThingAlert · 07/03/2015 00:13

I do book time off work, tell nobody at all. Then I have a day to myself.

Ohh sounds amazing, That's exactly the thing I used to do when I was at work! Smile

Notrevealingmyidentity · 07/03/2015 00:18

I am very antisocial. Never denied this.

It's why I live by myself. And don't answer the house phone unless I'm expecting a call.

Notrevealingmyidentity · 07/03/2015 00:21

Or is it unsociable ?

Momagain1 · 07/03/2015 00:25

assume those who never answer their door or phone don't have window cleaners/get shopping delivered / recieve deliveries from on line shopping

People don't answer their door unless they are expecting someone. All of the above are people you expect at pre-arranged times.

AGnu · 07/03/2015 00:38

I don't have a window cleaner, only get shopping delivered when DH is home & am on edge every day from the day after ordering something online, even if I ordered it at 11pm. I even slammed the door in the face of a meter-reader the other day. I didn't entirely mean to though - it was a fraught moment with the DC, he kept banging on the door & we get a lot of persistent charity collectors round here so I assumed it was one of them, opened the door & delivered my standard polite "Sorry, I can't talk right now" speech & shut the door. It was only after he left that my brain engaged with what he'd said he was here for. I still would have asked him to come back at a time DH was home though.

I'd love to be able to be relaxed & enjoy social interaction. I can't. Thanks for drawing attention to one of my many failings & reminding me I'm not like "normal" people. Part of a lesser sub-species, I am... Hmm

KingJoffreyFanciesDarylDixon · 07/03/2015 00:41

I'm totally unsocial.

I like time to myself.

to think Mumsnetters are quite antisocial?
Trills · 07/03/2015 00:55

You are being unreasonable to say that "Mumsnetters" are anything.

We are not a homogeneous mass.

There is no characteristic that all Mumsnetters share, apart from "they go on the internet".

In most cases I'd say that Mumsnetters will be more extreme in both directions than the people you know in real life.

I love it for showing me the wide variety of ways that people live and behave, and the wide variety of things that people consider to be "normal".

fragola · 07/03/2015 01:03

I am.

googoodolly · 07/03/2015 06:43

I'm anti-social, mostly because my job is very social and involves talking constantly all day. By the time I get home I don't want to make polite chit-chat with people, so I don't.

It's no more rude than expecting people to answer their phone/invite you in just because you've decided you want to talk to them.

Aridane · 07/03/2015 06:57

Yes, OP, I've noticed this too

bakingaddict · 07/03/2015 07:27

I answer the door but not always the telephone and I don't like the idea of people just popping over. I work long hours so at home I like to relax, I don't want to be constantly worried that somebody might just drop by when i'm in the middle of doing or watching something which I then have to stop to be a host.

I find 'popppers in' more anti-social/unsociable because they expect the person they are visiting to just stop whatever they are doing to satisfy their own whim to visit people

nippey · 07/03/2015 07:58

I don't answer the door unless I am expecting someone and rarely answer the house phone.
I am unsociable, I love my house and my own space and am happiest if I have no plans at the weekend.
I do make the effort to see friends at least once a month and keep in touch with my closest friends all the time with calls and messages. I am very happy with my life!

Jewels234 · 07/03/2015 08:26

The word you are looking for is unsociable.

If we were weeing on the street/throwing huge loud parties that would be antisocial.

BigRedBall · 07/03/2015 08:33

I like friends around but only when i KNOW they're coming so I can prepare. Yes I've ignored the door bell on many occassions. I ignore phonecalls from chatty people. I like my own company mostly.

Does that make me strange/unsocial/rude? If so, I don't care! As the famous MN quote goes: "My house, my rules." Grin

parallax80 · 07/03/2015 08:36

I find 'popppers in' more anti-social/unsociable because they expect the person they are visiting to just stop whatever they are doing to satisfy their own whim to visit people

I've found it very liberating to address this by just keeping on with whatever I'm doing - if you pop in unannounced, you fit in with whatever is going on. They either muck in or never come back.

Preciousbane · 07/03/2015 08:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tak1ngchances · 07/03/2015 08:43

I am an introvert which means that I do a lot of the things you deem anti-social/unsociable.
My husband is an extrovert so our life is a constant compromise of him wanting the house filled with people and me saying, Yes fine so long as they arrive at X time and are gone by Y.

thatsucks · 07/03/2015 09:11

OP I think you're actually right. On the whole I don't like the 'one Mumsnet voice' assumptions but I've been here for seven years and I think people have more unsociable views here than in RL.

You only have to look at the wedding threads.

People are FURIOUS that people have the audacity to get married and actually ask people to come!

I'm not exaggerating and I'm not even talking about extreme bridezilla threads, I mean people spit venom about the very idea of having to travel over 10 minutes to a wedding venue and actually having to socialise with people or Shock celebrate and have a good time!

As for myself, I'm a mixture I think. Would answer phone and door but would be grumpy about it. Love people and parties - but relish time alone too.

thatsucks · 07/03/2015 09:13

takingchances and others where one of you is more sociable than the other (my dh is more unsociable than me): Do you make a effort to be welcoming and chatty when people are with you or do you make yourself scarce/start withdrawing after a certain amount of social interaction? My dh can do the latter which makes me a bit tense! I do understand though. We are all different.

FlabbyMummy · 07/03/2015 09:21

I don't answer my landline because I don't have PPI to claim nor want to give money to Scammers claiming to be Microsoft. Re mobile most people text me for a quicker response.

I also wouldn't like unannounced visitors, I think it's basic manners to let someone know you want to visit or drop something off.

I am very social, BC was out several nights every week for dinner, drinks, Theatre in London etc etc I have arranged a trip out for Sunday with a friend and her DD.

BertieBotts · 07/03/2015 09:22

It's not really difficult to work out the connection!

Person who finds social interaction hard work/less fun/prefers own company: likely to frequent internet forums, including mumsnet. Would probably avoid small talk at work/school gates. Turn down general invitations. Less likely to reach out and make new friends. Therefore, notl
likely to be someone you know in real life unless you've been friends for a long time or are family.

Person who would prefer to call than text, pop in than call, likes to spend time with people in real life: less time for forums. More likely to reach out to new friends at work or school etc. So more likely to be overrepresented among the people you know.

gamerwidow · 07/03/2015 09:28

I think a lot of people on mumsnet will be introverts due to the nature of the medium. Introverts find too much interaction with people draining and are not going to like the people who pop in. Extroverts are energised by spending time with people and won't mind if people pop in. Neither is right or wrong but you need to respect people's feelings and make sure you don't make people uncomfortable by popping in unannounced to people who don't like it. All it takes is an understanding that not everyone feels the same about this and that's ok.