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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

These friends ARE being unreasonable, right?

239 replies

MaloryArcher · 05/03/2015 08:32

Two years ago we lent our cot to some friends (the H is a colleague of DP's). DD was 4 and we weren't planning anymore DC.

But DS came along 6 months ago and a few months later I asked DP to ask friend if we could come collect the cot. He said no Shock . They were still using it as their DS's bed. I was raging and had to be talked out of saying something.

Now DS has outgrown his crib. He's mostly co-sleeping but I want to turn the spare room into his room and start sleep training him. We don't have another £100 to spend on a cot when we already own one. Their DS is 2 and a half.

DP was meant to ask friend about cot again yesterday but 'forgot'. I'm half tempted to text them both (can't ring as they work) and say we're coming to collect it on Saturday.

Who is BU?

OP posts:
PoshPenny · 05/03/2015 08:34

They are BU in my opinion

WipsGlitter · 05/03/2015 08:35

Well you didn't out a time limit on it but I think they are being a bit unreasonable.

FuckyNell · 05/03/2015 08:36

2 years ago? Yabu.

ahbollocks · 05/03/2015 08:37

They should give you the money to buy it off you but tbh I can see their side

notnaice · 05/03/2015 08:37

If it was explicit that it was a loan they should give it back.

Blu · 05/03/2015 08:37

They are being outrageously unreasonable !

DeliciousMonster · 05/03/2015 08:37

He didn't forget, did he?

Yes, tell them that you need it back and are coming to get it on Saturday.

Also, if it is a cot isn't it unsuitable for a child's bed?

MayLuke83 · 05/03/2015 08:38

They are being unreasonable!

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 05/03/2015 08:39

Two years? Yes, you are being unreasonable.

You can find a free cot easily, just buy a new mattress (as you would have to anyway).

Quitelikely · 05/03/2015 08:39

I don't think you should need to put a time limit on something like this. It isn't unfair to assume two years or so and the cot would be returned.

Hi xxxx, we really need our cot back as ds is due to move out of his crib. When would be a good time to collect it.

Something simple. Tell us what they say!!

Madamnit · 05/03/2015 08:42

Did you specify it was a loan? If you weren't expecting to have another then it was probably given freely and I personally wouldn't expect them to give it back after 2 years if their child is still using it.

I would forget about it and pick one up cheap / free on eBay or free cycle

Phoenixfrights · 05/03/2015 08:43

It depends if you explicitly said it was a lend or if you implied you were giving it to them I think.

DeweyDecibelle · 05/03/2015 08:44

Amazed that some people are saying the OP is unreasonable! It's her property ffs and she LENT it to them! A cot is by nature a long term loan so I think the two years thing doesn't mean anything, and the friends should have been expecting to give it back at some point as soon as OP announced her pregnancy.

Blu · 05/03/2015 08:44

Were you clear it was a loan rather than passing it on and not wanting it back?

If it was a loan you can ask for it back at any time . I can't see how a loan implies 'until they are ready to give it back, whenever that might be'.

The cot belongs to the OP. If there is any further finding of free cots the friends can do it.

I think they have some front, saying 'no'!

PtolemysNeedle · 05/03/2015 08:45

Did you give it to them or make it clear it was a loan?

If you weren't expecting any more dc then you probably gave it to them, and it's a bit shit to give someone something for them to use and then take it back before they have finished using it.

Tryharder · 05/03/2015 08:45

I can't believe the colleague said no.

Some people have no shame.

However given that he is a person without shame, be prepared for a fight or a serious fall out which your DH may not want to suck up in the best interests of work relations and all that. I'd probably let it go personally.

Cots are going begging on my local freecycle and Facebook pages. As someone said, you'd have to get a new mattress anyway.

EdYouKateShaun · 05/03/2015 08:47

If someone lent me a cot then asked for it back while I was still using it I'd be really pissed of. What the he'll was the point? Surely you have 9 months of pregnancy plus 6 months to have broached it with them in much better way.
"Hi guys remember we leant you our cot? Well it turns out I'm pregnant so will probably need it back much sooner than planned. Hope you can get something else sorted. No rush yet".

SweetValentine · 05/03/2015 08:47

I think tell them you'll pick it up on Sunday, they can buy their new bed on Saturday

cartoonsaveme · 05/03/2015 08:48

They should have mentioned giving it back to you as soon as they heard you were pregnant and made plans. If their DC is over 2 then time for a bed for them. They don't have a child that has to be in a cot. They are being very selfish and ungrateful

cartoonsaveme · 05/03/2015 08:49

They should have mentioned giving it back to you as soon as they heard you were pregnant and made plans. If their DC is over 2 then time for a bed for them. They don't have a child that has to be in a cot. They are being very selfish and ungrateful

wigglesrock · 05/03/2015 08:49

I think it all depends how clear you were originally when you passed it on- you weren't going to need it anymore, they could have it or whether it was more of a would you like to borrow the cot until you get something more permanent organised.

I gave my old pram, travel cot, various bits and pieces to a friend after dd3 finished with them. I made it clear that I was finished with them and wouldn't be needing it again, I can't imagine asking her for them back if I have another baby.

Mmmicecream · 05/03/2015 08:51

I have sympathy with the couple TBH as I have been "given" things before by a friend who later on decided it was a "loan". It all comes down to how specific you were, and given that at the time you "lent" it you were not planning on having more children, are you sure the "loan" part was clearly stated?

monkeymamma · 05/03/2015 08:51

Yabu - it's their child's bed fgs! They will be very nervous about turfing him out. My ds was in his cot till nearly 3 (recommendation is to keep them in vit till it's no longer safe to do so, ie they can climb out). You shouldn't have given them the cot if it was so important for you to get it back. It also sounds from your op like you didn't expect to have another child so they wnbu to assume it was for keeps (or at least until they stopped needing it!). I can't see the point in loaning a cot for less than 3 years tbh - the inconvenience for them of moving their child at such a tricky age far outweighs the few quid you saved them.

Moniker1 · 05/03/2015 08:52

I think YABU a bit. You gave them it with no firm plan to return it to you.

Send a friendly txt asking if their 2.5 yr is moving to a bed yet.

Or maybe it's trashed so they don't want to give it to you.

Advertise for a second hand one.

fearandloathinginambridge · 05/03/2015 08:52

Hmmm. If you were clear that it was a loaner and you would expect it back then they should be prepared to give it back. On the other hand if their child is still sleeping in it, i would find it hard to kick that child out of it. Did you tell them you weren't planning on having more kids ie leading them to believe the cot was theirs to keep?