These friends ARE being unreasonable, right?

[MaloryArcher]

Two years ago we lent our cot to some friends (the H is a colleague of DP's). DD was 4 and we weren't planning anymore DC.

But DS came along 6 months ago and a few months later I asked DP to ask friend if we could come collect the cot. He said no . They were still using it as their DS's bed. I was raging and had to be talked out of saying something.

Now DS has outgrown his crib. He's mostly co-sleeping but I want to turn the spare room into his room and start sleep training him. We don't have another £100 to spend on a cot when we already own one. Their DS is 2 and a half.

DP was meant to ask friend about cot again yesterday but 'forgot'. I'm half tempted to text them both (can't ring as they work) and say we're coming to collect it on Saturday.

Who is BU?

2 years? For that alone yabu.
And you didn't set a time limit so I think again yabu.
Just get a new one, there are plenty of cheap ones.

My DS is nearly two and still in his cot. I would be a bit miffed if someone lent me something then demanded it back when I was still using it! They may as well have just spent out on their own. Yabu and should have made it clearer that there were conditions on the loan. If you had mentioned to them you had no plans to have future DC after your first, I should think they are even more miffed. As PPs have said, try freecycle or gumtree.

Tbh, i'd have been asking Op if she wanted it back when I knew that she'd had another baby.
Especially if it was given/lent as they wouldn't be having any more!

But also, yes, Op could have mentioned it as soon as her son was born.

Can't a 2yr old move into a bed?

PFB can't have been much more than 2 before going into a bed as the cot would have been needed for PSB.

It was abundantly clear it was a loan.
Their child is now a toddler and, I would have thought, too big for the cot. We moved DD to a toddler bed at 18 months.

Friends are wealthier than us and can afford a new one.

Bottom line is, if I had someone else's property and they asked for it back I would say yes without batting an eyelid. To say no is flat out bloody rude. In fact, I would have dropped it round to my friends house the moment I found out she was pregnant again.

The cot is a lovely one that cost us £150. I don't care if they are ten a penny on Gumtree. I want mine back.

Since when has a loan automatically turned into forever after a certain period of time? That's a new one on me.

YANBU. Even if their child is not yet in a bed, two is plenty old enough to move into one.

MrsBiggins why would I need to state explicit conditions when it was a loan.

The word 'loan' implies temporary does it not?

Way to drip feed OP. I don't think anyone has said anything about them having it forever? Just not turfing their son out of the bed he is used to before he is ready. If you are so sentimentally attached to that particular cot why not mention you wanted it back sooner?

You're looking for backup on this thread, not any opinions...

If it is a cot/bed then that's a loan that you'd expect to be up to 3 years. They're still using it.
Personally I'd hand it back if someone asked. But. I would never ask.
It's a piece of furniture. YABU

Hmmmm. After reading your update it does seem odd to me that you would have lent out something that you were so attached to in the first place.

Yanbu

Maybe they have passed it on to someone and don't have it!

You are blaming the friends and as yet they have no idea you even want your old cot back, so have made no plans to move their DC out of it, you can't just turf a child out of a bed he has used for 2 years without some notice.

This is an issue between you and your DH, not you and his friends. He obviously feels that he doesn't want to ask for the cot back, either because he thinks it is mean, or because he wants DS to have a new one rather than one that is now third hand, or some other reason. You need to stop raging and have a sensible conversation with your husband where BOTH of you express your feelings on the matter.

Just one question: if it were a loan, and if you weren't planning on having any more children at the point you lent it out, what were you planning on doing with the cot when you got it back (had you not had another baby)? I only ask because if you weren't clear in your own mind about that at the time, there's a very good chance that what you thought of as a loan felt like a gift to them

did you specifically say- when I'm pregnant again I'll need it back, is that going to be ok?

If so YANBU

If not, then wall o think you're a bit U as you can't just demand stuff back that people are still using.

Nope pressone

Their first notice was me announcing my pregnancy.

Their second notice was us outright asking for the cot back.

They've had 3 months since then to go buy a bed and transition their DS into it.

Their failure to do that is not my problem.

Thanks Rake. I was beginning to think everyone was a grabby twat!

Grabby twat?

I can see both sides. It was a long time ago and if you weren't planning any more DCs you probably said you didn't need it back so they considered it a gift. That said, if I was the other mum I would give it back to you without hesitation especially as you can't afford a new one.

If I were you I would ask politely once more for the cot back. If they say no I would probably cut my losses and try to find a cheap second hand cot (I've seen nice ones go for £30 on eBay). I certainly wouldn't maintain the friendship after that though.

I think calling people who disagree with you 'grabby twats' is a bit much, this is always a contentious issue on MN, personally I think YABU to ask for it back now but that they are being a bit rude refusing. Either way if your DP still has to work with the other parent I'd think carefully about escalating this. I don't think a second hand cot is worth the fallout.

If you made it clear it was loaned then YANBU. I hate people who don't return stuff. They have had plenty of time to sort a cot or bed for their child.

i think YABU if you were not planning any more children and told them that, how were they to know it was a 'loan'?

YADNBU.

This is why rich people are rich.

So did you ask for it 3 months ago? Your op seems to say no, your latest update yes.

I think YABU. If I was th friend and had a text out of the blue on a Thursday saying you were taking my sons bed back on Saturday you'd get a very firm 'no you're not' back.

I can see both sides tbh. It's not unreasonable to want it back as you made it clear you were only loaning it. I'd have thought a two year old would be too big for a cot by now, a cotbed would be fair enough but my dcs were too big for a cot at 18 months latest.

That said, you've had 9 months of pregnancy and 6 months since your ds was born to tell them you'd like it back. Moving a toddler from their cot to a bed is stressful and unsettling. I can see why they'd be miffed at being asked for it back suddenly.

You should have asked for it back sooner as you've had over a year to tell them you'd like it for your ds. Asking for it back right now was unreasonable.

I'd have asked for it back but given a months notice "hi x, we'd like the cot back for ds as he's growing out of his crib, we need it for x date in a month".