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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

These friends ARE being unreasonable, right?

239 replies

MaloryArcher · 05/03/2015 08:32

Two years ago we lent our cot to some friends (the H is a colleague of DP's). DD was 4 and we weren't planning anymore DC.

But DS came along 6 months ago and a few months later I asked DP to ask friend if we could come collect the cot. He said no Shock . They were still using it as their DS's bed. I was raging and had to be talked out of saying something.

Now DS has outgrown his crib. He's mostly co-sleeping but I want to turn the spare room into his room and start sleep training him. We don't have another £100 to spend on a cot when we already own one. Their DS is 2 and a half.

DP was meant to ask friend about cot again yesterday but 'forgot'. I'm half tempted to text them both (can't ring as they work) and say we're coming to collect it on Saturday.

Who is BU?

OP posts:
TiedUpWithString · 06/03/2015 11:52

OP- I have spare cot you can have. PM me if interested but collection only Smile

Capricorn76 · 06/03/2015 12:16

I havent read the whole thread so apologies if I'm repeating something. I believe they've sold it.

Gileswithachainsaw · 06/03/2015 12:29

Yanbu.

If it was clear it was a loan then.of course they should give it back.

It's a bed/cot they are all pretty much the same and worrying about changing a cot to another cot is ridiculously precious.

If they want their kid to stay in a cot then. They can just go out and get one can't they. or just buy a bed.

non issue.

Capricorn76 · 06/03/2015 12:31

Also it's too late now but never lend what you're not prepared to give away.

Susiesoop · 06/03/2015 13:06

YABU. In your original post you state you weren't expecting to have more DC. Suspect for this reason you were ambiguous when giving the cot but 2 years down the line you want things your way and now feel it was a clear lend. 'announcing your pregnancy' is NOT asking for the cot back, its announcing your pregnancy. If I was the colleague I would make the cot available to you but I would be less than impressed with you and your Dh 'we need it now' attitude as clearly a cot lend is long term. Also If their child is 'nearly but not quite ready for a bed' this is not a good time for them to buy a new cot. It's none of your business whether their child should be in the cot and you can't dictate this. I would let it go on this occasion and chalk it up to experience. If you really feel that you were very clear then you know not to lend to this couple again. Also their wealth status is irrelevant to you and this situation. have you spoken with your Dh? It sounds like he might think you are BU too.

AllMimsyWereTheBorogoves · 06/03/2015 15:23

I hadn't thought it needed to be spelled out, but my example many posts back now about the handbag was a deliberate exaggeration for comic effect.

My point still stands, though. Ideas about lending seem to be very polarised and clarity is essential to avoid later ill feeling. An example:

X buys an item and uses it for a time. X stops using item, either permanently or for the present. Y has a need of an item of that type. X says 'You could have mine'. If X and Y have any sense, they will immediately have a straightforward conversation about:

(a) whether any money will have to change hands, and if so how much

(b) if no money is going to change hands, is this an outright gift or a loan?

(c) if it's a loan, when will X want the item back and in what condition.

If they fail to have this conversation, X and Y run the risk of finding out much later that they have utterly different views on what has been agreed. Y may turn out to be one of the odd people posting here who assume that something is a gift unless they are specifically told it isn't.

Much easier, frankly, never to lend anything to anyone. Gift or nothing. Far less hassle.

MrsBigginsPieShop · 06/03/2015 16:20

No one has said its a gift!! No one has said they are entitled to keep it forever!!

Jaysus. Thank God it's nearly wine time...

MythicalKings · 06/03/2015 20:35

I'd just text him and say you will be picking it up this weekend and when is convenient. He's taking the piss.

mommy2ash · 07/03/2015 10:42

if you haven't actually spoken to these people I'm betting on your husband not really wanting to ask for it back and merely asked were they done with it yet and took their no to mean you aren't getting the cot back. he sounds too embarrassed to be straight out with

Flomple · 07/03/2015 11:32

Any update OP?

MrsFrankieHeck · 07/03/2015 11:37

Are you sure your DP actually asked them for it back?

maddening · 07/03/2015 11:45

I would find a cot on freecycle or for £5 on eBay etc and say you want your cot back here is a free cot to use till whenever you want.

Chumpster · 07/03/2015 14:06

If you just said 'when I can I collect it' without giving them explicit warning that you would want the cot back a few months ago then YABU. If you had said to them when you were pregnant or just after baby was born 'oh by the way this means I@ll need the cot back, if that's OK' so give them plenty of warning.
They should have assumed you want it back and pro actively offered, but if you just announced 'we're coming to collect your child's bed' then that prob got their backs up.

CupidStuntSurvivor · 07/03/2015 20:23

I also think this is really cut and dry. It was a loan. That was made clear. Two years later (not an unreasonable time considering the nature of the item) you've asked for it back. They should have started thinking about a solution as soon as they knew you were pregnant.

The way they've just outright said 'no' would make me wonder if they even still have it or if they've given it away.

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