Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

These friends ARE being unreasonable, right?

239 replies

MaloryArcher · 05/03/2015 08:32

Two years ago we lent our cot to some friends (the H is a colleague of DP's). DD was 4 and we weren't planning anymore DC.

But DS came along 6 months ago and a few months later I asked DP to ask friend if we could come collect the cot. He said no Shock . They were still using it as their DS's bed. I was raging and had to be talked out of saying something.

Now DS has outgrown his crib. He's mostly co-sleeping but I want to turn the spare room into his room and start sleep training him. We don't have another £100 to spend on a cot when we already own one. Their DS is 2 and a half.

DP was meant to ask friend about cot again yesterday but 'forgot'. I'm half tempted to text them both (can't ring as they work) and say we're coming to collect it on Saturday.

Who is BU?

OP posts:
Kittymum03 · 05/03/2015 09:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pilates · 05/03/2015 09:51

YANBU
but I would have handled it a bit differently. As soon as I announced my pregnancy I would have put them on notice that I would be requiring the cot back a month before the baby was due. By 2 1/2 you would have thought the toddler would be in a bed anyway. I would text them and ask when you come and collect it.

MinceSpy · 05/03/2015 09:55

OP I'm confused was it:

  1. Husband refused to ask for cot back
  1. Person who currently has cot refused to return it?

I'd just go and buy a nice new cot but it's a personal choice.

Flomple · 05/03/2015 09:58

Good point annielouisa. OP is it possible that your DH asked if they'd finished with the cot yet or something, rather than the friend refusing to hand it over in response to a specific request?

Bohemond · 05/03/2015 09:59

They should return it but I would expect you to have been more specific about when you needed it returning so they had some time to prepare. You have been unclear about what was said when and YABU for calling helpful posters grabby twats.

Collaborate · 05/03/2015 10:01

YANBU. They are using it while you don't need it. Now you need it back they should give it to you without question.

Have they sold it?

millymae · 05/03/2015 10:01

I'm on your side OP - they are being unreasonable. You bought the cot and loaned it out when you didn't need it. You have a use for it now, so therefore I don't think it unreasonable that you should want it back.

If the people you loaned it too had any sense and any decency (sorry if that sounds harsh), they should realise that your cot is needed again by you and offer it back. TBH I think they are rude, not to do so. The length of time they've had it is immaterial.

That said, unless I was on my beam end financially I think I'd prefer to buy a new cot for my little one, than use one that has been so well used and been out of the family for so long.

Rjae · 05/03/2015 10:04

They are being massively U and very rude.

If it doesn't rock the boat too much for DP I would phone and politely ask for a date when they will be returning your property!

countessmarkyabitch · 05/03/2015 10:06

You think they should have given nit back when you announced you were pregnant? But that was over a year ago, when their child was 18 months or so and the cot was in use.
You don't lend someone something like a cot and expect it back right in the middle of them using it! Yes they should give it back now,but you haven't even asked for it in months.

SunnyBaudelaire · 05/03/2015 10:07

I think OP should be clear about what was said by her and her DH to this couple about the bed before garnering opinion.

Mousefinkle · 05/03/2015 10:12

Depends how you worded it when you 'loaned it'.

If you said outright it was a loan and you will definitely need it back at some point in the future when you have another child then yanbu.

If, however, you never made it clear that you'd absolutely need it back (and tbh it sounds like you didn't because you 'weren't planning on having any more children' so they probably assumed it was more of a gift than anything else) then Yabu.

I don't think announcing the pregnancy was their first notice at all. Not unless you said "I'm pregnant so I'll be needing that cot back in a few months please Smile."

DoJo · 05/03/2015 10:15

Their first notice was me announcing my pregnancy.

Did you tell them at that point that you would want the cot back? It's not a given, so although it would have been nice for them to have asked, I wouldn't necessarily count that as having given them notice.

Nanny0gg · 05/03/2015 10:15

As members of my family have been burned by 'loans' of furniture, learn the moral of this story.

Never, ever loan anything. Either give it away freely with no strings or keep it yourself.

These situations never end well.

minionmadness · 05/03/2015 10:15

YADNBU... Why should you go and buy another one when you already have one, the fact that you loaned it out is neither here nor there.

My sister gave me some baby items when my dts's were born since she wasn't planning on anymore. When my two were 10 months old she fell pregnant and I gave her back the stuff that she gave me.

Surely it's just common courtesy that if someone gives you something on loan they are obliged to give it back should your situation change and you need it.

SunnyBaudelaire · 05/03/2015 10:17

"Never, ever loan anything. Either give it away freely with no strings or keep it yourself"
exactly, this 'loaning' is just so tight and mean spirited. If you want to keep your stuff, keep it. Otherwise give it away outright.

sanquhar · 05/03/2015 10:18

yanbu, i'd be very pissed off with their attitude too.

this why i never accepted any loans and gave my old baby stuff away, and made sure it was clear to the receiver that it was given. who wants agro like this?

i think i would text rather than call as there is written evidence then, especially on these new fangled i-phones. conversations can be denied and i reckon you are in for a bit of a battle with these people.

countessmarkyabitch · 05/03/2015 10:22

Nothing wrong with loaning stuff, but surely you lend people things for as long as they need them, not until you demand them back? Otherwise you're not helping them at all.
It's like lending me your car to go to x place and back, and turning up at x and taking it off me. I'm left stuck in x place and have to find some other way home. No use to me at all really. You don't demand a cot back while another child s sleeping in it, they have to then replace it and they might as well have done that in the first place.

The80sweregreat · 05/03/2015 10:26

It depends on what was said at the time, they obviously thought you had given it to them and, as others have pointed out, its probably not in a great condition now and don't want you to see it.Might be worth trying to find out if they are going to be buying the child a bed, but I have a feeling they really did think it was theirs for keeps!

Starlightbright1 · 05/03/2015 10:26

I think some details are missing to make a judgement.

When you loaned it was it said I am not having any more children you are welcome to borrow it. You can borrow it for as long as I don't get pregnant again.

Did DH take it over and you told him to say it was a loan..He didn't and now isn't telling you that. I can tell you if someone gave me a cot and I then demanded it back when my Child was sleeping in it I wouldn't be pleased.

I do think you are BU deciding when DC comes out of cot...MY DS was out at 15 months but a climber but I don't expect anyone else to follow suit.

I really feel there is another side to this one.

GokTwo · 05/03/2015 10:29

I don't know OP, I can understand why you feel pissed off and I don't think you're wrong but I can also see why they might be a bit taken aback. It's just unusual to lend something for that long and then expect it back as soon as you ask.

In all honesty I'd just get a second hand cot, which is what the cot will be by the time you get it back anyway! I know you don't want to which is fair enough but that does suggest you were very attached to the cot in the first place. I am rarely emotionally attached to furniture but I am to my amazing rocking chair that I used when I was feeding Dd. Hence I'd never lend it to anyone!

Jurgentellerscamera · 05/03/2015 10:30

Bloody hell, of course yanbu. Why should the op give stuff away for fee? She was kind enough to lend the cot, now she needs it back. These people are not friends and very, very rude. op, I'd say cut your losses, get a nice fresh cot from ikea with a new matresse. You've learned your lesson never loan anything to anyone, or at least not to these people.

I would be mortified to hold onto something that a friend lent me. Some people simply have no manners.

Waitingonasunnyday · 05/03/2015 10:40

I would text them saying that you need the cot back for your baby. Of course the friends are BU.

MidniteScribbler · 05/03/2015 10:41

I wouldn't use anything that belonged to someone else, because it is obvious that some people think that loaning an item is akin to a noble prize.

If you ever want to use it again, then don't lend it. Otherwise, don't bitch when someone else uses it.

Teapot74 · 05/03/2015 10:42

Is it them or your OH? My OH might pussy foot around and have asked something like "Have you finished with our cot?"
They may not be being unreasonable and might not understand the reason. Pin OH down.

BarbarianMum · 05/03/2015 10:48

I think if you loan somebody something like this to use, there is an implicit understanding tht they can keep it until they are not using it any more.

That said, I would return the cot in your friends' situation.