Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

These friends ARE being unreasonable, right?

239 replies

MaloryArcher · 05/03/2015 08:32

Two years ago we lent our cot to some friends (the H is a colleague of DP's). DD was 4 and we weren't planning anymore DC.

But DS came along 6 months ago and a few months later I asked DP to ask friend if we could come collect the cot. He said no Shock . They were still using it as their DS's bed. I was raging and had to be talked out of saying something.

Now DS has outgrown his crib. He's mostly co-sleeping but I want to turn the spare room into his room and start sleep training him. We don't have another £100 to spend on a cot when we already own one. Their DS is 2 and a half.

DP was meant to ask friend about cot again yesterday but 'forgot'. I'm half tempted to text them both (can't ring as they work) and say we're coming to collect it on Saturday.

Who is BU?

OP posts:
BitchBags · 05/03/2015 09:17

How has op dripfed? She stated in her op it was a loan. Just because the price wasn't in her op doesn't make it a dripfeed!

Op yanbu. You let them borrow it and now you want it back So they should give it back. Very rude of them to say no!

TSSDNCOP · 05/03/2015 09:21

You've drop fed the timeframe details.

TBH and just going on the rate of rant-up in your posts I'd give the cot back.

Then I'd drop you like a hot potato.

monkeymamma · 05/03/2015 09:21

18 months is very young to move to a bed and surely their choice if they want to do it later (as per current recommendations) i'm sure most people would move baby when the time is right for them not because of parents convenience?! And if they are as you say 'wealthy' and a. Afford their own cot then YA especially U to have lent them a cot whose inconvenient sell by date outweighs any small cost saving!

arethereanyleftatall · 05/03/2015 09:22

Yabu for posting in aibu when you don't want any opinions other than those who agree with you.

ConfusedInBath · 05/03/2015 09:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pressone · 05/03/2015 09:24

Nope pressone
No OP

Their first notice was me announcing my pregnancy.
Why on earth would they assume that you would want an old third hand cot back. I would have thought you would want a new one, maybe they did too.

Their second notice was us outright asking for the cot back.
I have gone back and read all your posts again and nowhere can I see that you have asked them for it back. At all points you have asked your husband to ask them and he has refused or forgotten

They've had 3 months since then to go buy a bed and transition their DS into it.
Can't see that from you earlier posts.

Their failure to do that is not my problem.

This is AIBU?, if you choose to ignore all the answers that don't suit you - why did you waste our time asking?

cococandyfloss · 05/03/2015 09:25

Of course they are the ones that are being unreasonable- if you made it clear they could borrow your cot. I don't think lending it for 2 year is an unreasonable time to ask it back, it would have been polite for them to offer it back as soon as you announced you were pregnant.

You bought it and you only lent it , you would like your property back that you picked and bought and now need.

Why is everyone saying the OP should just pick up a second hand one cheaply? - why should she? She already has a cot thank -the borrowing couple should pick up a secondhand one.

I appreciate the toddler may not be out of it yet -but that isn't OP's fault- the toddler is old enough to go in a bed now if they wish and if they would prefer not to put him in a bed yet then that's fine too but they will have to buy one to accommodate him as the cot is not theirs to do what they want with forever.

If however the OP didn't make it clear that it was a loan and had also mentioned they could use it as they weren't planning any more children ..then yes the borrowers have more reason to be miffed, however it is still unreasonable to refuse to give a cot that isn't theirs back when it has been made clear that the OP would like her property back.

MrsBigginsPieShop · 05/03/2015 09:28

Drip feed on the sentimentality and the specifying timescale.
If I were the other couple I'd give the cot back with a smile, then back away slowly from you. Your poor DH didn't 'forget' he just knows you're being U and doesn't want to cause friction between him and a work colleague over something so petty

cococandyfloss · 05/03/2015 09:29

"Why on earth would they assume that you would want an old third hand cot back. I would have thought you would want a new one, maybe they did too."

Ehhhhh..because it is their property and they paid for it, why should they have to buy a new one when they already have one fit for purpose that they can use!
If someone lends you something do you just presume that someone won't wan't it back because it has been used by you? That's not borrowing things that is taking them.

proceeding · 05/03/2015 09:31

YADNBU, they are. Massively. It's your stuff! I would take your DP out of the equation. My DH is HOPELESS at this kind of conversation. You just need to lay it out like a pp said. Tell them the date by which you want it.

Crazykat I have to completely disagree with you saying "Moving a toddler from their cot to a bed is stressful and unsettling," IME, it really isn't. DD was thrilled and it was no hassle at all. I found it was all about how we sold it.

Kittymum03 · 05/03/2015 09:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jessica147 · 05/03/2015 09:33

Did you definitely tell them it was a loan? Or did you ask DP to and perhaps he forgot?

Even if it was a loan, if you say "we'd like it back when you're finished with it" and then expect it back before they are finished with it, yabu.

moonbells · 05/03/2015 09:33

I borrowed a cot and gave it back as soon as we got DS to the point of not falling out if we took the sides off! But he was still over 2... though friend by that point had two teens and didn't need it back urgently.

If you're anywhere near NW outer London I've got a nice, going-free John Lewis Boris toddler bed nobody I know seems to want... you could have that to offer them as I'd love to get shot of it ! Though of course they'd need to buy a new mattress.

cococandyfloss · 05/03/2015 09:33

This thread is giving me the rage...

Op lent a cot 2 years ago is now pregnant and would like it back...posters think that the work colleagues who gladly borrowed it and are avoiding giving it back should return it , then drop OP like a hot potato!!!

Eh yes that is a lovely way to treat someone who has been kind to you! OP I wouldn't ever lend something again if I was you especially to a mumsnetter who may be outraged if you would like said item back ...ever!

It would be interesting to get borrowing colleagues opinion on it though..they are either very entitled or there has been some communication break down here-they probably don't see that it was just a loan or otherwise they wouldn't be acting like this.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 05/03/2015 09:34

Why did you only loan it out if you weren't having anymore children? I gave everything away after DS as I was sure I didn't want more . Now I'm planning a second I won't be asking for it back. Maybe the wires got crossed and they thought you gave it to them

SunnyBaudelaire · 05/03/2015 09:36

look if someone says they are not having any more children then obviously it was not made clear that it was a 'loan', was it?

Some people are just so tight. OP, buy a new one and stop harassing your husband and putting him on the spot.

HumphreyCobbler · 05/03/2015 09:37

I don't see any drip feeding. The friends are being unreasonable. I borrowed a cot that I gave back when friends announced their unexpected pregnancy. Who wouldn't?

pressone · 05/03/2015 09:39

I see the confusion.
OP said "But DS came along 6 months ago and a few months later I asked DP to ask friend if we could come collect the cot. He said no.

I am reading this "he" to be DP. Others are reading the "he" to be the friend.

Assumption 1 means the friends don't know as DP has refused to ask them (and therefore they are NBU) assumption 2 means he asked and the friend said no (which is bloody rude and unreasonable if you gave them 3 months notice).

OP please clarify.

littlejohnnydory · 05/03/2015 09:39

YANBU, they're being ridiculous!

StrangeGlue · 05/03/2015 09:40

Yanbu. Calm down and ring one of them. Don't text that'll just lead to confusion as they can be wilfully or genuinely easily misinterpreted. Keep it civil as your dh has to work with them.

ConfusedInBath · 05/03/2015 09:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flomple · 05/03/2015 09:45

YADNBU, I'm amazed by some of these replies.

They were loaned a cot, loaner needs it back, they should give it back and get their own. I think you should have been more insistent the first time you asked for it back.

give them a couple of weeks' grace to sort out a replacement though.

SunnyBaudelaire · 05/03/2015 09:45

we do not know what she said when she let them have it though confusedinbath do we? If she was not planning any more children I bet she said they could 'have' it and they wouldnt need it back. If she did not say that, she would have told us by now.

annielouisa · 05/03/2015 09:46

I wonder OP if your DH is at fault? Maybe he did not make it clear it was a loan. Who did the actual original conversations. DH may have given it and not admitted it to you.

TheRealMaryMillington · 05/03/2015 09:47

YABU, sorry

UNLESS when you announced your pregnancy you SPECIFICALLY said that you would need the cot back for the baby.

Otherwise, with no baby planned it was reasonable for them to assume it was theirs to use until they no longer needed it.

They are being not very friendly to refuse to give you back something that is yours, I agree. I suspect your DPs non communication with them is part of the problem.