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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to find a letter from school addressed to Mr and Mrs offensive?

210 replies

SunnyBaudelaire · 25/02/2015 11:26

or am I being over sensitive?

DD enrolled in D of E and since then I get endless mail, from a teacher at the school who is in charge of it. The last one was addressed to ,
'Mr and Mrs Baudelaire'.

Right there never has been a Mr Baudelaire as I did not change my name on marriage. Anyway we are divorced now and he has nothing to do with us.

The school's contact details would make this quite clear, plus we have had enough meetings with the school over the years for this to be known!
DD is now in year 11. REally I am hoping to let off steam here and not send a vitriolic message to the school!

AIBU? It is the assumptions that annoy me.

OP posts:
ClaudiusMaximus · 25/02/2015 11:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

angelos02 · 25/02/2015 11:30

I wouldn't even notice to be honest.

Original poster
SunnyBaudelaire · 25/02/2015 11:30

How is it 'the correct and formal way to be addressed" if you are a single woman ?

OP posts:
oldcroneat39 · 25/02/2015 11:31

It is not correct and not formal to address letters to someone who does not exist?
That is bollocks.

MumSnotBU · 25/02/2015 11:32

I would say just let it go. Don't let it spoil your day. They're wrong, you're right but it's not a big deal. If they spelt your name wrong, would you be bothered?

OOAOML · 25/02/2015 11:32

Have you tried returning them marked 'no person of this name at this address'?

SoMauve · 25/02/2015 11:33

Yanbu. It's lazy not to use the contact on record. If any doubt 'parent or guardian' should be the default.

PamBagnallsGotACollage · 25/02/2015 11:33

YANBU. At schools I have worked at we have always made sure to address letters to the actual parent/s who will be receiving them.

If "Mr B" does not exist why would it be correct for him to be addressed on a letter?

You're right not to send a message to school when you feel cross but maybe write a calm, polite request that they ensure all letters are addressed to you alone in the future?

OOAOML · 25/02/2015 11:34

If they don't have time/energy/inclination to check everyone's name (before someone jumps in with that one) why not address letters to 'parent/carer of ChildBaudelaire'?

choccyp1g · 25/02/2015 11:34

Around here, those sort of letters are addressed to "the parents/ carers of". Child'sName

A bit clumsy, and slight risk of older children opening letters they aren't supposed to, but it is THE RIGHT WAY TO DO IT.

capsium · 25/02/2015 11:34

I think it does show a lack of fore-thought. If your DC's father had parental responsibility and as you are apart, they would have to write to him separately - would this have happened?

It was probably someone who switched to 'automatic pilot' but this is not a good thing to be doing with school correspondence. It means oversights, such as the one mentioned above could easily be made.

topsmart · 25/02/2015 11:35

Good grief, the things people get offended about. It's probably just a mail merge gone wrong, no one consciously set out to piss you off did they, so why not just ring them and politely discuss it?

Moonatic · 25/02/2015 11:35

Overworked teacher who kindly gives up his/her time to run D of E scheme should spend even more of his/her time to find out the name(s) of the parents (or guardians) of every child on the scheme? YABU (and somewhat narcissistic).

Original poster
SunnyBaudelaire · 25/02/2015 11:35

" 'parent/carer of ChildBaudelaire'?"
exactly, this is what they normally do! Saves the bother of checking and saves offending anyone. Like I said, it is just the assumptions that bother me.

OP posts:
PtolemysNeedle · 25/02/2015 11:35

YABU to find such a minor thing offensive. There is no need for such a thing to make you even think of sending a 'vitriolic' message to the school.

You're placing too much importance on it by thinking the school are assuming things, I doubt anyone has given it more than a seconds thought.

I'm well used to being called Mrs ex's name at school, and I never had that name either. It's a non event.

Original poster
SunnyBaudelaire · 25/02/2015 11:36

no moonatic, all they have to do is think a little bit. surely that is not hard?

OP posts:
however · 25/02/2015 11:37

Don't be offended by it. Let them know your name. It worked for me.

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 25/02/2015 11:37

I must be getting old, because my baseline assumption would always be Mr. and Mrs. I need to re-tool I guess.

forago · 25/02/2015 11:37

ditto

Original poster
SunnyBaudelaire · 25/02/2015 11:37

and no topsmart, it is not a 'mailmerge'. Whatever, maybe some of you should try being a single mother for fifteen years or so, and then see how you feel getting crap like that through the post.

OP posts:
capsium · 25/02/2015 11:37

I don't actually think it is worth getting offended about though - it would not have been intended as an insult. I do think the school should be more conscientious.

Biscetti · 25/02/2015 11:38

It's hardly offensive, but rather annoying if they are fully aware if the lack of a Mr at home.

SaucyJack · 25/02/2015 11:38

YANBU. Parent/carer of is more than adequate.

Your son could be fostered for all they know.

forago · 25/02/2015 11:38

I mean I just let them know my surname was different

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 25/02/2015 11:38

Parent/Carer of is much better, and no more difficult. It's quite annoying when they do this. Though I'm used to it....