AIBU to find a letter from school addressed to Mr and Mrs offensive?

[SunnyBaudelaire]

or am I being over sensitive?

DD enrolled in D of E and since then I get endless mail, from a teacher at the school who is in charge of it. The last one was addressed to ,
'Mr and Mrs Baudelaire'.

Right there never has been a Mr Baudelaire as I did not change my name on marriage. Anyway we are divorced now and he has nothing to do with us.

The school's contact details would make this quite clear, plus we have had enough meetings with the school over the years for this to be known!
DD is now in year 11. REally I am hoping to let off steam here and not send a vitriolic message to the school!

AIBU? It is the assumptions that annoy me.

I have challenged, in writing EVERYTIME this happened

Why?

Because I discovered it was generated by the various computer systems we were on... At various points it's been inputted incorrectly and some of those systems are checked by the tax office and DWP.

First time it happened was the children's centre which I believe are audited but I was more chilled with school as it was hand written. It's not the presuming I am married but the showing of a partner at this address where I claim as a single person.

I don't mind Mrs but I mind the inventing of husbands which I have never had.

The fictional husband thing could be a serious issue, you only have to read about the investigation by Concentrix into tax credit claims to realise that that is one mistake you really don't want to happen.

YABU

No I wouldn't find it "offensive"

If I was an office worker in a school these days I'd just make sure all letters were addressed dear parent/carer.

That would stop people being "offended"

Im a single parent and if I received a Mr & Mrs on a letter I'd probably not notice or not give it a second thought.

Yabu if you find it offensive maybe you have issues with it. Its a computer that doesnt think when it mail merges...

YABVU to be 'offended'

DNBU - you have given them your name as a contact and explained your relationship to the child and it is none of the school's business what your domestic arrangements are. None whatsoever. There must be plenty of other kids across the land whose home circumstances are (sadly) far more sensitive/ complicated than that it pisses mum off when school makes assumptions tries to be 'polite' doesn't simply use the information they were given.

YANBU in your OP, it's 'everyday sexism'- just denying women can parent perfectly well without a man. Also, I suppose, homophobic, or at least so hetero-normic (is that the phrase?) as to be offensive. Modern families come in all shapes, and parent/guardian has been in use since the 1980's, when I was at school.

I would like to see any supposed evidence that children do better in 2 parent families above any other type of family, especially if such a study were controlled for income. I would also like to know what on earth the outcome measure are? Mental well being? Future economic productivity? What?

YABU re the volunteer DofE teacher, though. Yes, they've made a daft assumption, and I would mention it (they may be to thick to get it, in which case I'd let it go), but you should be more appreciative of a volunteer trying to do something nice for your kids.

I would say it's just a mistake. My head at primary called my mum Mrs Odad once when she had never been and in fact married to someone else too. But you should be no more offended than I was when visiting my mum at the hospital and since she was off having a scan the doctor doing the rounds told me my wife was doing fine.

Look. They will have had to look up the child's contact details to find the address. Does everyone agree? Yes? Right. So why would they then, rather than using the contact names, which are presumably next to the address, make up entirely new ones?

I'd be offended and I live with OH. I'm a person I have my own name, why on earth should it be left off a letter. Why is the default to just put his. I don't care for tradition.

Obviously I wouldn't go crazy at the school. But it'd bother me.