to say "please don't bring a present" on DD's birthday invitations?

[DryBetweenYourToesPlease]

Is this acceptable behaviour? There will be 30 kids. I don't want people to have to bring anything/wrap stuff/spend money. Also, more selfishly, I also don't want to have to remember who got what. DD is 5.

P.S. Before the "THIS THREAD HAS BEEN DONE BEFORE" brigade leap in, yes, I'm sure it has. Just want your live, up-to-date opinions please.

Many thanks.

Chimchar, I love that idea.

Oh oh - don't tell Mylene about the £1 in an envelope.

A generic thank you that just says thanks for coming and thanks for the present is fine if you are sending out 30 of them, I wouldn't expect a personalised one.

Love the quid idea

Chimchar - that's a great idea. Or having a little piggy bank at the party that children can put coins in if they want to.

Surely its possible to explain to a 5 yr old that instead of getting lots of little presents, some of which might be things she already has or doesn't want, wouldn't she prefer to make a short list of 3 or 4 bigger presents she really wants? Mum and dad (and poss GPs if they want to) can then buy those and she can still have presents to open on the day.

Why on earth do people feel so entitled as to stipulate what gifts to bring?
A gift is exactly that - a gift! Just accept what people would like to "gift" and accept it graciously with gratitude .

Yabu let your dd open her presents after her party and don't put your issues onto her this is a relatively new thing no present s with a huge list of worthy reasons meh it is a 1 off party kids like to give present s kids like receiving presents.

Well, thank you all for your input (and a special thank you to OnlyLovers and very many others for being, IMHO, very lovely and reasonable).

By the way, I love the idea that, like the Grinch, my reasoning in this might be specifically to take the joy/celebration out of the party
The mind boggles.

Dry - how very dare you care about ending up with a huge, useless pile of plastic tat that will end up in a landfill. Highly selfish.

The idea that a 5 yr old is somehow going to scarred for life because she only has 4 presents to open instead of 30 is ludicrous. Every children's birthday party I've been to the child has been bored by present 5 and longing to get back to soft play/whatever.

Every kids' party I've been to, the birthday child just puts the gifts to the side and opens them afterwards. Much better than it interrupting party proceedings!

YANBU as long as you are able to manage your DD's expectations about presents so she knows exactly what is to happen. I think your original wording is reasonable but I think most people would ignore it, thinking you were being kind to say it, but they will bring a present anyway as it's the 'done thing'. We put similar wording on our wedding invitation and pretty much everyone gave us something anyway.

Since you're having a whole-class party, the £1 coin thing is probably the best idea here.

I knew you were going to be nice when I first saw your op. Many would have flounced long ago.

million my dd is having therapy because not everyone brought a present to her party. I've screwed her up for life

The pound idea is brilliant. I still think its a bit meh to stipulate what gifts people can or can't bring it seems joyless .

So, in case anyone's interested, I thought I'd update.

I went ahead and put the planned wording ("please do not feel you have to... etc") on the invitations.

Everyone has been extremely friendly, no one has given the impression of being mortally offended, and, er, everyone brought a present. Very lovely presents indeed, I might add, DD is utterly delighted and I am very grateful.

So, I have concluded that either:

1. people do tend to bring presents because they want to, and not because they feel obliged, or
2. people still feel obliged even if you tell them they don't have to.

Either way, friendly, lovely and apparently happy other parents/children, and very happy DD.

Thanks again for debating this (possibly rather over-thought) issue with me.

Good grief - the "depriving your 5 year old of a chance to open all these presents" makes me laugh. No wonder 5 year olds are as they are.....

Yanbu. The standard for our kids and all their classmates (7&6) is no presents, but if parents wish they can give €5 as Johnny/Sophie is saving to buy a big set of Lego/dolly/whatever.

Monumentally less hassle and a whole lot less tat enters the house to be opened and then flung aside as it's not what Johnny/Sophie is interested in in the first place.

Thanks, OP! Glad to hear it went so well. How funny that everyone blithely brought presents anyway. I guess they just like you and your DD, were glad to be invited to a part and wanted to show their appreciation.

I think 'please don't feel you have to ...' is definitely the way to go with wording.