to say "please don't bring a present" on DD's birthday invitations?

[DryBetweenYourToesPlease]

Is this acceptable behaviour? There will be 30 kids. I don't want people to have to bring anything/wrap stuff/spend money. Also, more selfishly, I also don't want to have to remember who got what. DD is 5.

P.S. Before the "THIS THREAD HAS BEEN DONE BEFORE" brigade leap in, yes, I'm sure it has. Just want your live, up-to-date opinions please.

Many thanks.

We had a party recently, I would have. loved to say no presents but I didn't think it was fair on DD because she's seen other children get presents at their parties, this was her first ever party, and knows that we have taken presents in the past.

Out of 15 invited, 10 showed up. I had a 'no presents agreement' with one other parent (my best friend from infant school) but she still got 4 presents and 2 lots of money from the others and had a thoroughly good afternoon opening and playing with them.

I would say YABU, kids love presents, there's plenty of time for them to get bugger all when they're older.

Yanbu. I would love it if one of the dc's received an invite that said no presents please. I'm SHITE at buying them, lack time to go and look for them and never know how much to spend. Usually not much as I don't have much cash anyway.

The wording is perfect!

And I don't know why some folk would ignore that request and would turn up with one anyway. You've been asked not too, why can't you just respect that?

Hope your dc has a blast op x

YANBU. I've seen it quite a few times and it's a reasonable request imo.

The problem is when people decide to go against the request and turn up with presents anyway. It makes those who have honoured the parent's request not to do so look tight fisted.

I think asking for a charity donation is a good compromise. The local children's hospital is a good choice as it's something which everyone can identify with.

"Please don't " = instructive

"Please don't feel you need to bring a present" - takes the pressure off buying a present but leaves the parent with an option to gift.

Blessed, Im confused. Are we reading different posts?

The OP's suggested wording is 'please don't feel you have to bring a present - [PSB] would just love your company'.

Think its a very joyless attitude tbh. Each to their own though, however I wonder how your dd will feel about it. Think you'll be interesting as mother of a teenager.

I would've said fine but it seems people have expectations about this stuff. Ach I was shite at this stuff as a kid and not any better at it now. Thank Christ I had twins, at least they will have each other if I make total pariahs of them by getting the wrong sort of goody bags or whatever.

I'm not sure why it's joyless to want a lovely party with lots of children all having a nice time and enjoying each other's company.

Or are presents the only thing that make some people feel the joy of a party?

YABU.

It will make you seem like one of those worthy types. Especially if you ask for a charity donation.

Ive read through the thread in two minds but what struck me was when you said you didn't think it was bad not to let your child open 30 presents at once - I agree, but by saying no presents then you are not letting them open any! At least not from any of their friends. I think children enjoy giving each other presents and getting gifts from friends, it seems a shame to miss out on that entirely. I do see why you wouldnt want 30 presents though, particularly as at least 15 of them will likely be ill thought out tat ;)

Personally it wouldn't sit right with me not to let my children have any birthday presents at their party though and I would probably just put up with the tat in order for my child to enjoy the nice presents.

It's joyless because for most 5 yr old's their party means getting presents just like they bring presents to their friends when it's their birthday.

but also its joyless because what parent thinks' oh great it's my beloved dds birthday soon. I must ensure she gets no presents from her friends and more than likely wonders why, gets upset etc' .

I don't think the OP is thinking that, to go by her posts, saoirse. She's said that she doesn't want people to have the hassle of choosing and buying presents –and some people might not be able to really afford a present and worry about it, as someone else has mentioned. So she's actually potentially saving some worries.

And do you really believe that a parent would think 'I must ensure she gets no presents from her friends and more than likely wonders why, gets upset'? I mean, really?

I can't throw parties for DD - too much social anxiety and a couple of other circs. I always buy a present for a party she is invited to, and try to ensure she's the best possible guest (nothing extreme, just manners, punctuality, take own snacks if it's going to be difficult as she's had intolerances). It's my way of "paying" for our invite as we won't be reciprocating.

I avoided one party where the parents asked for money instead as we're stony broke and they specified an amount we couldn't manage on top if bus fare. But most kids party invites round here say presents aren't necessary, rather than banning them outright! So we get a book from the pound shop. You can get good books for any age, no one can see how much it cost, it takes up very little space, isn't plastic tat, and is easy to regift!

I would never turn up to a party empty handed.

I also think it's bloody mean to re gift your childrens presents. It's a bit 'oh that's presents a bit shit, it's not good enough for my precious child'

OnlyLovers why do you feel the need to pull apart other people's opinions?

There are opinions- you don't need to de-construct them one by one.

I'm joining in the discussion, Blessed, just like you and everyone else. I don't believe the method or content of my posts is different from a lot of the others on here.

And as I've said already, opinions are one thing but arguing by misquoting and finding things in posts that aren't there are quite another.

I also think it's bloody mean to regift your children's presents

But what you meant to do if you get . or 3 presents the same? It happens with cards and out of 30 kids there's every chance you could end of will several of the same presents.

Vikinglady really? They specified an amount!?! That is rude! I've no probs putting cash in a birthday card but it'll be the amount I can afford to give. Don't blame you for not going.

2 or 3 presents the same I meant.

Oh just let her have the presents. Life is short! Youth is short! Why do we overthink shit and not just live in the moment. Does it really matter?

YABU - for all the reasons the majority of posters have identified

*"Who cares who gives what or even it's a pile of crap.

It's fun. You know it's supposed to be fun*"

^^This. You'll miss the toy present days soon enough - just enjoy it and don't overthink it IMO.

YANBU. There were loads banging on, on the Mylene thread about how awful that kids these days seem so entitled to expect presents at their parties. Now this.

You're all a bunch of weirdos (except me)!

only exactly, parties are fun in themselves. kids don't need a mountain of gifts to open afterwards! they will already have received presents from family and other friends. some guests will bring gifts anyway but at least it keeps them under control.

and another reason is to ensure that parents who are busy and stone broke don't have to worry about buying a gift.

Wait a minute... Thank you notes are bad form?

Wait a minute... Thank you notes are bad form?

I read that too.

Nonsense.

However, this No Presents at Parties thing has been done at least three times now.

I haven't changed my mind. It's for the child not the parent. No, they don't need the 'stuff'. But they love it and many children like choosing it.

Mean-spirited imo.