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Original poster

To be surprised at how little STBX will have to pay

999 replies

Stardustnight · 20/02/2015 22:11

STBX is on a very good salary indeed and his living costs are low.

Despite this, according to the CSA calculator he will only have to pay £800 a month for 3 children, which compared to the amount of money he actually has, isn't a lot - £200 a week.

Am I being unreasonable to be feeling mildly disgruntled and short changed? Or am I grabby and entitled ?

OP posts:
WasabiPeace · 20/02/2015 22:15

I get less than £1.50 per day.

You, my friend, are winning.

Men can father children and then fuck off into the sunset without a backwards glance. It sucks.

FireflySerenity · 20/02/2015 22:15

If that's his contribution and you match it £1600 is more than enough to feed, clothe and entertain three children. Plus you would have the CB unless you are a high earner.

Original poster
Stardustnight · 20/02/2015 22:18

I don't match it, but anyway that's not really the thing.

£1600 to feed and clothe and house three children isn't a lot at all?

But anyway it is more that money's going to be tight whichever way and meanwhile even contributing what the CSA say he has to, he has over £3000 a month to play with.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 20/02/2015 22:20

Hopefully £800 will just be a starting point though and he will have them to stay with him regularly, take them out sometimes, on holidays and buy them birthday/Christmas presents etc ?

m0therofdragons · 20/02/2015 22:21

1600 is enough to feed and clothe 3 dc - I did so for 3 years and afforded a 3 week holiday in Canada.
Will dc stay with stbxh in the week at all?

Fiddlerontheroof · 20/02/2015 22:22

I think that's more than ok. To compare, my ex is also on a very good salary, he pays £400 per month, for two kids.

So I think you're doing pretty well.

However, men who fuck off, don't give a second thought to being reasonable, and leave you to have to pursue them through the CSA to create a fair and honest maintenance agreement as he won't otherwise...that sucks donkey balls...and that's what you should feel pissed off about, if that is the case.

£800 per month is more than enough I would say, sometimes I feel my ex could pay more...particularly if he's ahead a few good weeks of extra self employed work, and not declared it to the CSA, and it grates he never ever has to pay for childcare, or ever contributes to large expenses such as school residential. However, I get a sum of money each month, without fail...and that's more than many get :(

X

Original poster
Stardustnight · 20/02/2015 22:22

They won't be staying overnight with him no.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stardustnight · 20/02/2015 22:23

Gosh, I must be unreasonable then! I was honestly surprised that it was so low.

Luckily, the house isn't mortgaged, but if it was we'd really, really be struggling: as it is we'll struggle anyway but it'll be worth it. :)

OP posts:
fedupbutfine · 20/02/2015 22:24

are you serious? whilst I know maintenance varies, please spare a thought for the countless women (and men) who receive nothing at all or very little from their ex partners to help support their children. You may need to re-think your living arrangements, consider down-sizing, moving to a cheaper area etc. if you can't manage. You can't expect life to be the same on one wage as it was on two or on one wage which now has to support two households. Or is this some kind of reverse and you're having a dig at your new partner's ex?

DarylDixonsDarlin · 20/02/2015 22:25

Just as your DC still have the right to a good standard of living now you are apart, so does he Hmm if he's on as you say a very good salary indeed, I'm guessing his work is fairly demanding.

How much do you think he should be paying for the DC, since you've quoted numbers...you don't have to accept the CSA arrangement if he is willing to pay more, do you? What does he think?

queenofthepirates · 20/02/2015 22:25

I get nothing, not a sausage, nada. I'd be kicking my heels and doing a little dance with £800 a month! I appreciate that he has a lot of cash to slosh around but you do get used to living on less (or you just have to earn more-I took the latter route).

balia · 20/02/2015 22:27

Thing is - there isn't anything any government agency can do to make two households as well off as one joint one. Even if an NR parent only has the DC's once a week they still have to have a household for them. It isn't 'playing' with money to pay rent and bills etc etc.

£1600 sounds like masses to me but I guess it depends what you are used to?

m0therofdragons · 20/02/2015 22:28

Stardust - meant to add, it's crap how little the non resident parent pays but that seems good compared with many. A close friends ex moved to Hong Kong so paid nothing except bloody Louis vuitton handbags for his 8yo dd despite earning 80k a year - this was 15 years ago.

DarylDixonsDarlin · 20/02/2015 22:28

And you've no mortgage (stealth boast?) I think if you're saying you will struggle with only getting £800 maintenance you may get a few more raised eyebrows on here this evening...

Philoslothy · 20/02/2015 22:29

It depends on how much he earns tbh, I would have been dissapointed if my husband only paid that much for his son. However if he was on a more average salary it would be a good amount.

Will the children mantain a similar standard of living? can they stay in their home and if the right age at their schools?

LaurieFairyCake · 20/02/2015 22:29

Will you get spousal support?

If there's no overnights and you're primary carer how are you going to be able to work as much as him?

SoMuchForSubtlety · 20/02/2015 22:31

OP I'm surprised as well. As a percentage of income that seems low. Does CSA tier the payments on a means tested basis?

m0therofdragons · 20/02/2015 22:31

Just because others get nothing doesn't mean the op is unreasonable. Her dh gets to continue his way of life and op has to suck it up, care for dc mostly alone with no nights off and live on little in comparison. It doesn't seem fair but that is how it is. Let's not have a go at the op because the system is rubbish.

seaweed123 · 20/02/2015 22:31

I think YANBU, though I guess it depends on the ages. That wouldn't remotely cover the cost of 50% of childcare for 3 children, if that was needed to enable you to work, for example. Half the cost of childcare seems to me to be a fair starting point, with extra for the cost of living added on top. I know the system is far from fair though.

Original poster
Stardustnight · 20/02/2015 22:32

Stealth boast that my parents both dropped dead before I turned 30? Strange thing to be boastful of.

Where has this £1600 figure come from? Confused

I am genuinely wondering why, when my husband takes home (that's takes home, after tax) nearly £4000 a month, I won't even see a quarter of that to pay for his children.

Obviously there are horrible men out there who pay nothing; I'm not saying that's right! It isn't! But specifically, £800 doesn't seem a lot given it still leaves him with 3k a month - which is a lot.

OP posts:
sosix · 20/02/2015 22:32

I think thats quite alot op.

mrsfuzzy · 20/02/2015 22:32

wtf ?? you can't feed clothe and house your kids on £1,600 a month. heck i wish i was in your shoes right now, we have five kids at home, a mortgage, bills and the like, my husband is on ssp sick pay at present and we are having to manage on £1,400 a month for all of us ! eldest dau. is on j.s.a four kids in college to help them get better qualifications and i can't work because of medical reasons. this time last year we had income of around £2,000 a month and that was ample but for one reason and another including kids ages, c.s a has dropped, husband having to reduce hours due to medical which has now put him on sick etc. i take it you are all under the same roof o.p, so therefore housing costs have to be met whether there are two or six of you, how much do you seriously need to spend on kids clothes each month and the like? flame me but i think you need to get a grip here as a lot of people would likethat financial support from an ex, at least he is paying unlike my ex ever did. wasibe i'm with you on this one, sorry op sounds grabby to me.

Tinkerball · 20/02/2015 22:32

When you say he has over £3000 to play with, do you mean after all his bills? £800 a month seems reasonable to me.

Original poster
Stardustnight · 20/02/2015 22:35

Well this is just it: I can't work, really. I'll have two under-2's. I won't earn enough to cover childcare costs for three.

My family dying - hence the no mortgage - means I'm not entitled to benefits other than CB so things are tight and yes I'm sure I can manage but just the same I'm conscious as the children get older they will see their dad as the one with the cash offering them iPads and whatever else is out there - I don't know really.

I'm doing my best but i was a bit surprised at how little he has to pay - comparatively little I mean, compared to his salary.

OP posts:
FireflySerenity · 20/02/2015 22:36

But they are your children too not just his. You have to support them as well.

The £1600 comes from his contribution and you matching it. If you don't earn enough to match it, you can hardly berate him as he's paying more than you plus he gets no nights with them so effectively loses his children.

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