Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 35 36 37 38 39 40

Original poster

To be surprised at how little STBX will have to pay

999 replies

Stardustnight · 20/02/2015 22:11

STBX is on a very good salary indeed and his living costs are low.

Despite this, according to the CSA calculator he will only have to pay £800 a month for 3 children, which compared to the amount of money he actually has, isn't a lot - £200 a week.

Am I being unreasonable to be feeling mildly disgruntled and short changed? Or am I grabby and entitled ?

OP posts:

ilovechristmas1 · 22/02/2015 20:06

how much will it cost for the stbx to rent somewhere

£3k is not spare is it,there still is accommadation living expenses to consider

IfNotNowThenWhen · 22/02/2015 20:06

Yeah upandatem, I can see why you wouldnt pay spousal support (assuming that's different from child support) but I think too often, the NRP thinks " well she's shacked up with this bloke now, and he's doing alright so why should I pay as well?"
I know you wouldn't think like this, but it is a very common sentiment.
Also, aside from the fact that New Bloke isn't responsible for the NRPs children, he might have non resident children of his own that he is supporting!
I guess I am projecting coz I know full, well that if I did live with bf, and my son's father got wind of how much he earns, that would be his attitude. Twat.

Viviennemary · 22/02/2015 20:12

Music lessons at £50 a week is a luxury. That's my opinion. My DD knew somebody with a horse. They didn't earn any more than us. Would I have paid out for a horse. No. Because I didn't see it as a priority. And that's what it's all about. And we are talking about three children to be supported in the end. The point is it is sad when families break up but lifestyles are seldom the same financially if one income was high. Is that fair. Perhaps not. But it's fact.

ghostyslovesheep · 22/02/2015 20:13

yeah but on that £3000 he only has to support HIMSELF - he's giving her £800 to support THREE children

My ex pays more for our three precisely because he would never ever want the kids to go without just because he left

but he is a good dad

ICantDecideOnAUsername · 22/02/2015 20:14

OP if you only have 2 kids now but another one on the way then is the £800 not for 2 kids and will he not have to pay more when the third is born?

I agree that it is not a lot. I don't think pps are being fair - his contribution is monetary, yours is 24 'unpaid' hours of caring a day. How much of that does he do?

But once your dc3 is born (maybe in about a year) do look into what you are entitled to get to work, even if it's just childcare benefits.

Is there any way you could put some of your inheritance into your dcs names - some security for their future and many change your benefits situation (caveat - get some advice, I don't know what I'm talking about!)

ilovesooty · 22/02/2015 20:15

If he wanted his son to have music lessons before the marriage ended he should still finance them.

ilovechristmas1 · 22/02/2015 20:19

ghostyslovesheep yes i get that but people keep saying he has that to spare,he does not,his living expenses still need to be accounted for

is the rental market expensive where he will live etc,car costs

Original poster

Stardustnight · 22/02/2015 20:51

Ilovechristmas I am fairly certain that, even if we lived in London (we do not, nor the south east) one person earning 3k a month after tax and child maintenance, would be able to fund a home for themselves fairly comfortably.

It's a little bit of a double standard to loudly berate me for not being able to support three children (and the £800 was for three, not two) on £800 a month and then state, dismayed, that "poor man! He still has to live!"

Music lessons are a luxury, I agree. Since we can afford luxuries, there shouldn't be an issue. Should there? :)

OP posts:

TerryTheGreenHorse · 22/02/2015 21:09

Do you want to borrow my tiny violin star and we can play him a tune?

ilovesooty · 22/02/2015 21:12

Don't forget he also got rid of the OP's car but still has his own. She still has to finance another car to provide transport for herself and the children.

Philoslothy · 22/02/2015 21:23

IMO if a parent is able to continue supporting their child to have a similar lifestyle to the one they had when the parents were together - they should do so.

I know that if my marriage were to me my husband would want the children to carry on living in their home and enjoying the "luxuries" that they have now. I would assume that most parents would feel the same.

Sandthefloor · 22/02/2015 21:23

Has you husband actually said that all he will give you is £800? Maybe he will be a bit more generous than you think.

Philoslothy · 22/02/2015 21:27

That is a good point sandthefloor CSA amounts are the absolute minimum that the non resident parent should pay, again I would hope that most parents pay more.

Only1scoop · 22/02/2015 21:30

Just before thread is full....wanted to say hope you get a far more bloody realistic figure Op....

All the best but you actually deserve a medal for having to read through some of the outrageous shite on this thread Op....

Poor wee lamb ....if he only has 3000 a month to survive on AND has to pay rent awwww bless him....

Perhaps we could send him some food parcels

kim147 · 22/02/2015 21:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sandthefloor · 22/02/2015 21:37

I thought the OP asked if she was being "grabby and entitled" not her husband.

ModernToss · 22/02/2015 21:42

OP, I am so glad this thread has turned around. I was appalled by earlier posts, and felt desperately sorry that you were reading them when you clearly need support.

Never mind the other unhelpful, tough-love or downright malicious people, Firefly managed the single most offensive and WRONG (to use your own clarification) post I've ever seen on mumsnet: 'It's £800 more child support than the OP is paying and she also chose to have the children. The ex also didn't walk away, the OP kicked him out. Of course he will have more of his salary then he will have to hand over, he's the one that works to earn it.'

Really, that took my breath away. On a forum largely for women? Really? Thankfully that sort of post is much less frequent now, and you are getting the support you need. I wish you the best for your future.

Original poster

Stardustnight · 22/02/2015 21:53

To be fair, he didn't call me grabby or entitled; I had some other lovely stuff hurled my way mind you!

But he has made it clear he will fight me every step.

OP posts:

LittleBearPad · 22/02/2015 22:08

All the best Stardust. Wishing you loads of luck for the future.

Original poster

Stardustnight · 22/02/2015 22:10

Thanks :). X

OP posts:

StarOnTheTree · 22/02/2015 22:14

Yes definitely all the best. Come back and let us know how you get on OP.

FWIW I think you sounds like a very together person and from your posts I can't see anything that would suggest to me that you need counselling of any kind

EllenJanesthickerknickers · 22/02/2015 22:19

My ex earns £4,000 per month, I get £850ish for my 3 boys, as he deducts 1/7 for the 2 nights a fortnight he has them. He seems to think the CSA formula he meets is the maximum he should support them, rather than a minimum amount.

His 3 to 4 foreign holidays a year do upset me. I earn another £850 a month and I still get some child and working tax credits. Apply sooner rather than later, OP, because Universal Credit doesn't allow for any savings over £6,000 and it's coming soon.

Isithappening · 22/02/2015 22:19

So I spend my money feeding and clothing my children and DH doesn't have to?

You are both expected to spend your money feeding and clothing the children. The govt assessment is that you have enough money to live off without unemployment benefits, you are supposed to use that money to help support your children and your ex is supposed to contribute part of his wages to support the children.

Spadequeen · 22/02/2015 22:20

Good luck star

Flip

1 2 ··· 35 36 37 38 39 40