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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be surprised at how little STBX will have to pay

999 replies

Stardustnight · 20/02/2015 22:11

STBX is on a very good salary indeed and his living costs are low.

Despite this, according to the CSA calculator he will only have to pay £800 a month for 3 children, which compared to the amount of money he actually has, isn't a lot - £200 a week.

Am I being unreasonable to be feeling mildly disgruntled and short changed? Or am I grabby and entitled ?

OP posts:
ImBatDog · 20/02/2015 23:26

so how much do you think you should get? A quarter? A half? should he be destitute and homeless while you add to your already substantial income?

i refer you to your initial question. "Or am I grabby and entitled ?" Yes, you are.

Fedupmuch · 20/02/2015 23:27

Flowers I can't believe how small minded some people are being. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. You aren't working because you are looking after the kids. Why should his disposable income be much greater than yours?. Why should you have to budget budget budget whilst he doesn't. I think you should even get at least some more off him whilst all your kids aren't at school. Hope things get better for you xx

Original poster
Stardustnight · 20/02/2015 23:27

Bat, I'm not 'bitching' - for goodness sakes, WHY are some of you being so awful to me? I've been as candid as I can; I'm not grasping or whining.

'D' h has, because of me, had no childcare costs, no days taken off work to look after his son or daughter, lived mortgage free in a house and has had further contributions from the rental properties.

In return he has ticked every single box in the abuse category, to the point where I have a mass of evidence to why the children won't stay unsupervised with him although they will have supervised contact.

I finally get up the courage to throw him out and find out that he's going to be laughing his head off. I'm human - I can't help it - that GRATES! Grin

But I concede as ssd has said I have got used to a higher income and so I am probably worrying over nothing! pregnancy DOES do that to me.

OP posts:
ssd · 20/02/2015 23:28

I'm presuming your stbx knows what your rental income for the 2 properties is and feels with that and his £800 a month you'll be ok?

MajesticWhine · 20/02/2015 23:28

Got fed up so haven't read whole thread. But I think YANBU at all. I think £800 is pathetic in the circumstances. Sorry for what you are going through. Flowers

ImBatDog · 20/02/2015 23:28

you're only entitled to spousal support if the divorce means you no longer get to live in the life you were accustomed to and your employment opportunities are reduced by being a SAHM with the children.

the op has her own substantial income, and a teaching qualification. I don't think she'd get anything.

Tinkerball · 20/02/2015 23:28

I'm thinking the same as Minion here, a bit confused about savings, inheritance, property and benefits now, not being horrible but it doesn't make sense - if you don't have any money in savings you will be entitled to benefits, when you said it was tied up in property I thought you meant other properties apart from the one you live in.

Only1scoop · 20/02/2015 23:28

Op you are going to get a hard time for being so honest.

I however still feel YANBU and wish you luck with your new dc and all the transitions you are about to make.

TerryTheGreenHorse · 20/02/2015 23:29

Last time I was pregnant I cried because I saw a wasp.

Original poster
Stardustnight · 20/02/2015 23:29

I didn't post, please, to be grilled on my personal circumstances although I have tried to explain as best I can.

However, I just keep coming back to the fact I have £800 for three children, less than £300 a month per child. STBX has three THOUSAND for him. As I said, it just feels unfair but I concede that feeling is U :)

OP posts:
minionmadess · 20/02/2015 23:30

OP... I understand now, I had got from an earlier post that you couldn't sell since you lived in the property... my mistake.

For what it's worth I think STBX is getting off lightly since he won't have responsibility for his dc and he certainly would pay more than £800 a month to enable him to work if he was the resident parent. That's before everything else that dc need.

You will get there... just need to focus on where you want to be, not where you are now.

Original poster
Stardustnight · 20/02/2015 23:32

It's not his decision, ssd, it's the CSA calculator.

I don't want to be rude but all those telling me they need more info - I've shared all the salient points.

I have no mortgage.

We live in one property.

There are two other properties. I guess DH will get at least one in the divorce. But hopefully I will keep the other. Obviously this is worth more than £30,000 so ...

Thanks again for kind remarks, they mean a lot at this time.

OP posts:
ssd · 20/02/2015 23:33

maybe he will give you more then, if it wasnt his decision?

bloodyteenagers · 20/02/2015 23:33

It doesn't matter if it's worth more than 30k.
It's the yearly income it generates.

Original poster
Stardustnight · 20/02/2015 23:35

In some ways I think I'd be loath to take it ssd - I think it is more the principle that grates. :)

OP posts:
StarOnTheTree · 20/02/2015 23:35

OP how much are you contributing to bringing up your mutual children?

Is that in financial terms or in physical terms? Because unless the ex is going to take on 50% of the responsibility of raising his children which he is obviously not going to be doing then I can't see how the OP's financial contribution can be equal to his Hmm

it's expensive to have a penis you see This is sooooo funny Grin

ssd · 20/02/2015 23:35

it doesnt seem fair that you inherited enough money to buy outright 3 properties and now you are divorcing you have to split this with your ex, who earns a good wage and will have more of an income than you

have you spoken to a lawyer yet op?

Original poster
Stardustnight · 20/02/2015 23:35

Well - that wasn't what I was told bloody although it is possible I was misinformed.

OP posts:
TheDetective · 20/02/2015 23:36

Did you own the properties before marriage?

Mine won't get mine - I owned it prior to marriage. And the marriage was over on the day it began.

Tinkerball · 20/02/2015 23:36

It doesn't matter how much the property is "worth" it's your income from rent that the DSS would take into account do if you are not entitled to benefits you must be earning over a certain figure from the rental, £16,000 I think.

frazzled74 · 20/02/2015 23:36

I think you have 2 options, 1- sell a property, and pay yourself a higher monthly wage for a few years until you are able to work, or 2- have a few years of cutting back , ( look on credit crunch posts, for support), knowing that you have investments of 2 properties and will be able to work at a later point. It may feel unfair that ex has more disposable income than you , but long term, you are in a good position.

Original poster
Stardustnight · 20/02/2015 23:36

I know Star; the thread was moving too fast but that remark really did out a genuine Grin on my face - cheers, whoever posted that!

OP posts:
ssd · 20/02/2015 23:37

take it if he ever offers though, stick it in the bank for your dc's!

m0therofdragons · 20/02/2015 23:37

On the plus side - he will remain a dick and you will be free of him. Take care op. I wasn't grilling just questioning so I could offer actual advice. Have you actually done the tax credit calculator? just be really sure you're not missing anything.

TheDetective · 20/02/2015 23:38

Stardust, as far as I was aware it was the income in generated too.

Have you looked at entitledto.co.uk? Or spoken to CAB at least?

I was surprised how much better off I am on my own - and what counts as assets etc.