To be surprised at how little STBX will have to pay

[Stardustnight]

STBX is on a very good salary indeed and his living costs are low.

Despite this, according to the CSA calculator he will only have to pay £800 a month for 3 children, which compared to the amount of money he actually has, isn't a lot - £200 a week.

Am I being unreasonable to be feeling mildly disgruntled and short changed? Or am I grabby and entitled ?

OP how much are you contributing to bringing up your mutual children? No mortgage or rent to pay. STBX still has to house himself.

Even if it's just his contribution of £800, it easily covers the costs of the children. Your costs and bills fall to you as you are an adult and capable of work.

I'm sorry but you won't "really struggle" as you are mortgage free and will get a huge chunk for the children untaxed. You can't expect not to work and be kept in luxury.

Then you have money in the bank which will help you get through a difficult time. That plus considerable child maintenance. Have you run the childcare calculations? You will still be entitled to Tax Credit unless you are literally earning thousands and thousands in interest on your savings.

Are you in London or the South East?

OP is caring for Two children under 2 , plus one other , 2 hours a day seven days a week - how is she not contributing at least £800 a month in labour for her children ?

Plus I assume she is going to feed and clothe them, take them on holiday, to toddler groups and clubs , buy birthday and Christmas presents etc

The fact that others get nothing isn't relevant . Might as well say we should all be grateful not to be sleeping in the streets or living in a war zone

What is relevant is how much money and free time she will have compared to her children's other parent .

Sorry OP but I think that £800 is enough for you and your children, plus you have savings. Plenty of families get less than you do every month without the added security of no mortgage.

Bloody hell. Give the OP a break! I know there are others who get nothing, £1.50 a week, whatever, but that doesn't mean you should all pounce on the OP!
I can understand what you're saying OP, £800 a month in comparison to your exDH'x take home pay doesn't seem much. You are lucky to not have a mortgage (parents death not lucky obviously) and you can make this work. You will need to budget accordingly. You can work, many women do. Your exDH can take on some of the childcare burden by caring for his children (including having them overnight).
You can do this.

It isn't a drip feed at all; I was rather annoyed I was accused of being 'boastful' of having no mortgage so I explained the circumstances by which I ended up having no mortgage.

I do have savings of sorts, but they are tied up in property - not cash.

It comes across "like that" does it, Daryl? Does it really? As I haven't mentioned benefits once, apart from explaining to posters laying into me that I am not entitled to them.

This isn't about benefits - it's purely surprise that STBX gets to keep £3000 a month. £800 won't keep us in luxury no and I suppose I don't see it as a lot: I concede I probably have been used to his salary though.

Then you give yourself A salary from the savings. Or you invest it into a business to generate an income.

£800 after rent is a lot. Plus of
Course an additional 160 ish a
Month from CB.. That is still more than a lot of families who don't have the luxury of savings to fall back on.

You say that you worry about when your eldest is a teen? So what you will never work and expect your ex to support you?
Surely in 5 years you will be bringing in an income?

I've long thought that the CSA calculated amount should reflect the cost of raising children more than it reflects the amount a NRP has spare, but seeing as your ex earns the amount he does, then it's dong that.

£200 a week is what I get a month for two children, so I think you're doing well. Your ex isn't obliged to support you, you have a responsibility to do that for yourself.

If you have no income you will still get child tax credits, the £800 maintainence isn't even taken into account for tax credit purposes. I think the maximum he has to pay for 3 kids is 25% of his income.

I think the OP is getting a hard time too. bloodyteenagers I don't hear her saying she won't work, more that working with 3 kids/2 under two is financially impossible due to childcare costs. What job do you think she should do to bring home the additional £800 (+ childcare costs)?

No! we are not in London or the south east.

I forgot to say thank you for the kinder comments even those that nicely say I am BU :)

This is a difficult time for me and I am finding a lot of stuff hard. I don't doubt it is quite simple really but it is new to me.

Once you've sold the properties and lived on the money and it falls below 16k then you will be able to claim benefits

It's all about you OP, you want more of his salary so as not to have to work but seem to expect to keep hold of the marital house and savings/other properties. On top he seems to be getting little contact and no overnights with how own children.

Is STBX going to be sharing any responsibility for the care of his dc?

YABU and entitled.

Blimey Op have you even had this baby yet....

Better get back to work straight away by the sounds of some of these posts....

Why aren't you entitled to any benefits?

First - thank you but STBX having the children unsupervised can't be permitted at present; I hope you can read between the lines there and understand what I'm saying.

As a result, there is literally no one who can have them and in all honesty I will really struggle with employment in pregnancy. I am not well at all which is perhaps also contributing to anxiety.

If you're not entitled to means tested benefits, does this mean you have savings? If so, YABU!

Firefly it isn't all about me, actually, it's all about the children.

Some people seem to have rewritten this as nasty entitled me refusing to allow a hard working husband to see his children, and actually nothing could be further from the truth.

It isn't that I don't want to work. I have thought about ways I could work, but at the moment I can barely stop throwing up long enough to do much of anything Hopefully when DC is born I can look at things I could do but please appreciate childcare is always going to be a problem.

Obviously, this will change as the children grow older and are entitled to some free nursery hours, but the costs of after school club for DC1 and childcare for DCs 2 and 3 will cancel out any costs of my working.

This isn't an uncommon problem. But because I'm not really entitled to benefits, it does mean we are almost wholly reliant on DHs contributions and so ... Anyway :)

Ed, I've explained that yes I do have savings of sorts but these are tied up in property. It isn't actual cash.

Jumping, that's why I asked
For
Clarification because the op is worrying about something in 5 years and her struggling just on the csa money.

What job could she do? Well that would depend on skills.

If skills then look at using some of the money to improve skills.

And before anyone says I don't understand what it's like. I would point out that I was a sp with 3 under 5, one of which has sn.. Now a sp of 4 albeit older children with a budget of less than the ops csa after rent and ct. you do what you have to do to support your family knowing you cannot rely on others.

Everyone is being a bit quick to put the boot in here aren't they?

What OP is saying is that she is currently unable to work and is being left with proportionally a lot less than STBXH and is concerned that this will give him an advantage in the future if he decides to begin lavishing funds on the DC.

You need to sell the second property you have then - really you don't need to worry about money now if you're not well and you're pregnant.

Just sell, you need the money.