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Original poster

To be surprised at how little STBX will have to pay

999 replies

Stardustnight · 20/02/2015 22:11

STBX is on a very good salary indeed and his living costs are low.

Despite this, according to the CSA calculator he will only have to pay £800 a month for 3 children, which compared to the amount of money he actually has, isn't a lot - £200 a week.

Am I being unreasonable to be feeling mildly disgruntled and short changed? Or am I grabby and entitled ?

OP posts:
Upandatem · 22/02/2015 18:56

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Chessie00 · 22/02/2015 18:56

Ex will pay £800pm
Your income is £600pm
£150 ish cb
£100ish tc's (according to entitled to)
No housing costs

That's £1650 a month ish with no mortgage/rent to pay.

Yet there are a lot of comments about it not being 'enough' from op.

It may sting that your ex has pots of money but that's life...but it IS 'enough'...more than enough.

ilovesooty · 22/02/2015 18:59

Whether it's "enough" to get by is neither here nor there.

He wanted the OP at home and prevented her from maintaining her earning power while his remained unaffected. She has to look after the youngest two 24/7 and the eldest when not in school.
He can contribute a lot more, and he should.

Original poster
Stardustnight · 22/02/2015 19:01

No, my income is 400

But that is beside the point.

For example, DS's music lessons cost £50 a week. £200 a month. So effectively one weeks worth of DHs contributions would go just on one hobby for one child. See what I mean?

If we'd been a poorer family I daresay DS would never have learned music but we weren't and he does and he is fairly talented in this area given his age.

OP posts:
GokTwo · 22/02/2015 19:02

That is exactly it upandatem.

realgonekid84 · 22/02/2015 19:03

The £600 per month could reduce though if she has to sell property as part of settlement. Plus it must still grate that ex could get a rent free property and still have 3200 per month just to support himself yey op is apparentlh loaded with half that to support 4 people.

EdSheeran · 22/02/2015 19:17

Lookie! Puppies and kitties....together!!!!

To be surprised at how little STBX will have to pay
Spadequeen · 22/02/2015 19:22

I'm amazed that some people really don't get it. Just because its shit for them and that's the way it is doesn't make it right.

SilenceInTheLibrary · 22/02/2015 19:23

OP - my friend and her high earning husband divorced. His take home pay was roughly £4000 per month. They have 2 dc. They (via solicitors) agreed on £1500 per month maintenance and spousal support. She had a good lawyer, and it was settled without going to court. I would advise you to get the same.

He's not living on the breadline.

Pagwatch · 22/02/2015 19:26

My mum is 82 and she would be pretty shocked at how incredibly old fashioned bigoted some of the views on here are.

It's incredibly offensive to keep implying that your average father doesn't give a shit about his children as long as he has enough for his jollies.

Upandatem has the same attitude as my dh and my siblings.
Finding women who think less than that is acceptable is shocking to me

IfNotNowThenWhen · 22/02/2015 19:26

But upandatem- even if your ex did meet a generous millionairess, it still wouldn't be the millionares's job to support your kids.
A surprising number of people seem to have this view though, that once a new partner comes into the equation, the NRPs contribution can cease. I don't see why that should be. If I lived with my current bloke,unlikely as that seems, ok, he has money, and I doubt he would begrudge any spends on my son but it's not his responsibility.

MamaLazarou · 22/02/2015 19:27

Some of the comments on this thread are unbelievable. This is a pregnant woman who has suffered years of abuse from her husband that was serious enough that the children can't have unsupervised contact with him. She's had the courage to do the best for her kids and LTB. She's entitled to have a bit of a whinge. Have a word with yourselves.

Viviennemary · 22/02/2015 19:28

But a parent could decide at any time that £200 a month on music lessons is too much. You will have to change your lifestyle to fit in with your new financial situation. Is that fair. I can see why you think it isn't. But I don't think legally speaking somebody should be forced by law into providing all these luxuries. £50 a week on one child's music lessons is quite a lot.

TerryTheGreenHorse · 22/02/2015 19:32

50 a week is a lot, but it's not really that outrageous when your dad takes home 4k a month.

Chessie00 · 22/02/2015 19:37

But the total family income used to have to support one household op. Now it has to support two.

You can't expect the standard of living to stay the same - for any of you.

Upandatem · 22/02/2015 19:38

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Upandatem · 22/02/2015 19:39

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Spadequeen · 22/02/2015 19:41

Doesn't seem like stbx lifestyle will change much, oh actually it will, his will improve as he'll be paying less than he was before.

ilovesooty · 22/02/2015 19:41

Presumably he wanted his son to have those music lessons. The fact that he's no longer in the household doesn't change that.

Upandatem · 22/02/2015 19:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SilenceInTheLibrary · 22/02/2015 19:51

OP - my friend and her high earning husband divorced. His take home pay was roughly £4000 per month. They have 2 dc. They (via solicitors) agreed on £1500 per month maintenance and spousal support. She had a good lawyer, and it was settled without going to court. I would advise you to get the same.

I posted this ^ just now, I just wanted to add, OP, that he was far from reasonable - he was actually a very nasty bastard too - a real shit to her and he fought over every penny. Having to go through a solicitor stopped him continuing to abuse her - both financially and emotionally.

minionmadess · 22/02/2015 19:53

But a parent could decide at any time that £200 a month on music lessons is too much. You will have to change your lifestyle to fit in with your new financial situation. Is that fair. I can see why you think it isn't. But I don't think legally speaking somebody should be forced by law into providing all these luxuries. £50 a week on one child's music lessons is quite a lot

Are you for real... what you are actually saying is that the children should learn to accept that their father is pissed with their mum so is taking it out on them... and they will just have to learn to live with the fact that their dad doesn't give a fuck about their music lesson

Can you really not see that...

Original poster
Stardustnight · 22/02/2015 19:58

The point is that DS should not have to suffer because of their dad.

If he, say, lost his job then that a argument would have more relevance.

OP posts:
KatieMorag · 22/02/2015 20:01

It's not " her lifestyle " , we are not talking about manicures and latte

It's the CHILDS music - you know, the son of the man who has £3k a month spare. The man who was happy for his child to take these lessons .

KatieMorag · 22/02/2015 20:05

And £50 a week on a childs hobby is not at all unusual for a family in this income bracket.

Next time you are at the school gate, ask some parents whose kids do gymnastics or dancing how much it costs .