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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be surprised at how little STBX will have to pay

999 replies

Stardustnight · 20/02/2015 22:11

STBX is on a very good salary indeed and his living costs are low.

Despite this, according to the CSA calculator he will only have to pay £800 a month for 3 children, which compared to the amount of money he actually has, isn't a lot - £200 a week.

Am I being unreasonable to be feeling mildly disgruntled and short changed? Or am I grabby and entitled ?

OP posts:
EdSheeran · 20/02/2015 23:12

Are you sure?! Maintenance and property is not taken into account when calculating benefits, so I'm unclear why you'd not be eligible. Are you not a British citizen?

Original poster
Stardustnight · 20/02/2015 23:12

Ssd, the mortgage free home IS 'savings'; my mother died when I was 15, my father when I was 29.

My brother and I had an inheritance in the form of property, which I recognise I am very, very lucky to have and I am now the sole inheritor due to my brothers death.

Yes I am in a better position than many but I beg you, do not tell me I am lucky. I am lucky to have had an inheritance but not to have gone through losing all three of them.

Anyway, if you don't mind, Mumsnetters - I will leave this thread, I've tried to stay calm but I can feel tears coming and I don't want to get all shrill and hysterical and I can feel myself getting so. I'm not leaving STBX because he burned my toast, I've got years of abuse here, and it just jars a lot bit that he gets to walk away with a wad of money from my inheritance and continues earning a lot. But I accept I am BU in wanting a bit more. It isn't for me though. The children are the only ones who matter.

OP posts:
TheDetective · 20/02/2015 23:12

It's fucking shit is what it is!

I've been very very lucky in this pregnancy. Almost like it knew.... Hmm I had two pregnancies with hyperemesis. This time, nothing. Like a small miracle in a sea of shit.

But I don't even need to imagine what you are going through with it. As I have thought about it a million times over.

How were your other pregnancies? Please tell me you have medication.

ssd · 20/02/2015 23:12

op, are you just used to having a lot of money? your dh earned a good wage and you have no mortgage and I think a lot in savings so maybe the thought of only £800 a month from him is scary? I think you will get more than cb though, I'd try to look into this more.

Original poster
Stardustnight · 20/02/2015 23:13

Ed yes I am positive. The situation is slightly more complex than I have outlined above. I am absolutely not on the breadline and I will, I am sure, be absolutely fine - but like most people I do worry.

Thank you.

OP posts:
m0therofdragons · 20/02/2015 23:14

In her property she's living in I guess

ssd · 20/02/2015 23:14

I'm not telling you you are lucky op. I have lost both my parents and there was no inheritance here.

ImBatDog · 20/02/2015 23:14

so why aren't you entitled to child tax credits?

you're not living with him, you apparently have no income. If you DO have enough income not to get CTC (over 30k pa) than you really are taking the biscuit to be on here complaining about 'only' getting £800 out of your ex.

Original poster
Stardustnight · 20/02/2015 23:15

Yes, ssd, I don't doubt you are correct. :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Stardustnight · 20/02/2015 23:16

And I am of course, very sorry to hear about your parents. Flowers

OP posts:
SilverStars · 20/02/2015 23:17

It sounds a horrid situation to be in.
Totally agree with keeping the property you live in, as selling and moving is an added stress you do not need as well as rent being a waste of money as you would not be easily be able to get a mortgage.

Childcare is a big expense especially when no family to help. I do have my dp but no family and know how expensive it is paying for all childcare costs to be able to work. I now realise why so many well educated and professional people are so keen to apply for jobs such as TEqching assistants and midday supervisors or pre-school workers as there are no costs as most jobs fit around a school day.

I assume he is unreasonable and will not contribute more directly, which is a shame.

Starlightbright1 · 20/02/2015 23:17

You are getting a tough time OP...

I do only get £10 a fortnight from Ex but that doesn't mean I can't have empathy..Obviously you have been through something difficult with Ex.. The pregnancy been difficult and a big adaptation...

Focus on now how to budget with the money you have

The thing is it is a percentage...While your EX does have a big disposable income... For a NRP on a low wage it could mean they are unable to house themselves.

MsColouring · 20/02/2015 23:17

Tbh op, MN isn't the best place to look for support while you are going through a divorce. I got battered a few times asking for advice (some of which, on reflection I may have been a little unreasonable on but wasn't ready to be told this in a blunt way from a bunch of strangers) . Good luck with everything.

minionmadess · 20/02/2015 23:19

OP... please ignore some of the hateful posts on your thread.

I think some of us are trying to help but finding to hard to understand where your inheritance factors in all of this.

If you only have the property that you live in, then surely you would be entitled to benefits.

I don't believe yabu and if things were as bad as they seem from your posts then not having him in your life will life changing in a good way, it's just that with everything else on your plate it doesn't look that way... it will.

Tinkerball · 20/02/2015 23:21

I think it's just a period of adjustment by the sounds of it and things will settle down, if you are used to living (as a family) off DHs income then of course it will be a shock - but if you aren't together then this is not your money, and the £800 is reasonable to me for supporting your children. Regardless of whether you have £800 or not this is half of what is obviously deemed the amount of money required to raise your children. Don't panic though, if you are mortgage free then that is s huge thing you dont need to worry about.

TerryTheGreenHorse · 20/02/2015 23:21

Good luck OP. Thanks

ImBatDog · 20/02/2015 23:21

its quite simple.

if she isn't entitled to child tax credits, then her income is over 30k per annum.

So, either she has more money than your average person and is bitching about only getting an extra 800 quid out of her ex, or she's seriously mistaken.

something smells fishy.

Babynamechange · 20/02/2015 23:22

Hugs stardust xxx
No it doesn't seem fair
But you sound like the kind of person who will make it work..
Also, as some of the other posters have said, if all your money is tied up in the property you live in then you should be entitled to benefits and tax credits. I think it's only income from a separate property that affects it? Is it worth phoning and asking the question?

rinabean · 20/02/2015 23:22

Please try to ignore all the dickheads. Yeah get back down the mines, so what if you're pregnant, don't be such a golddigger, why shouldn't he have 3-4x the money he's a man and it's expensive to have a penis you see, blah blah blah. They're idiots

You might be better off posting somewhere specifically for money advice, just be like I have a house worth this much, this size, this area, I have this much savings, I'll get this much for the kids, the baby is due __ - people will be able to help you work it all out. Please don't panic.

TheDetective · 20/02/2015 23:22

Starlight My ex is on the lowest of low wages. Part time, min wage.

Nope, he can't afford to live house himself.

Do I care? Nope. Should I care? Nope. His mess. He can live with it.

He left me after cheating on me, getting me pregnant (planned pregnancy), then marrying me - all in an 8 week period.

So I hope he is living in a dump somewhere.

Reality is, he's at his mums enjoying his single life, doing fuck all but playing computer games and trying to get some unfortunate to shag him.

ssd · 20/02/2015 23:22

and I'm really sorry to read about your parents and your brother, that is very very hard to live with.

I hope you get more help with the benefits side of things, I know someone who split from their dh and she bought a house outright, she also got tax credits as she only worked a few hours a week, have you tried tax credits yet?

I'd have thought you'd get working tax credits?
also council tax benefit?

sorry if I'm talking rubbish.

Original poster
Stardustnight · 20/02/2015 23:24

Minion, to be honest I don't want to get into it, as I would almost certainly be kicked to the kerb.

However, I will - but before I do I just want to explain clearly that I was initially a little surprised at how little STBX will have to pay. This doesn't mean I am beating my chest and crying I am hard done by, it's just - well, as I've said, he's got three THOUSAND pounds a month. That's AFTER tax, pension contributions and paying for three children!

With regard to my circumstances I have two properties that are let out which of course makes an 'income' (though significantly less than DHs) hence why I am not entitled to benefits - rightly so. This is not a complaint about the welfare state.

OP posts:
Lucked · 20/02/2015 23:24

Well child maintenance payments are entirely separate from possible spousal support or a financial settlement as part of the divorce. The 800 would be more than enough for Your DC if you had something to live on yourself. Will you get maternity allowance? That might help.

I would talk to a solicitor about spousal support if you are divorcing whilst pregnant even if it was for a set amount of time particularly if you are not entitled to benefits.

EdSheeran · 20/02/2015 23:25

Oh ok, fair enough. I do think you've had an unreasonably tough time on here. It's not your fault that other people have twats for an ex! I agree that your ex could be contributing (I didn't realise how much his take home pay was!) more but as your situation is complex financially, it's hard to advise. Your little ones won't be little forever and hopefully, you'll be able to get back into work, if you should so choose.

catloony · 20/02/2015 23:26

Yes I think you need to explain more about how the property/inheritance/ savings more, then people can understand and try to explain your entitlements.

How many properties do you own?
If it is just the one mortgage free one you live in this in not regarded as "savings".
How much money do you have in actual cash in the bank? Is is more than £16,000?
What income do you have?