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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that, as the working parent, I do not have to do half of the housework?

267 replies

mrsruffallo · 05/02/2015 18:20

Just that really, Fed up with sahps moaning about their working partners not doing enough around the house. Well, that's the deal isn't it? I cook most nights but that's about it.

OP posts:
sosix · 05/02/2015 18:22

If you and other half happy thats ok.

Andrewofgg · 05/02/2015 18:23

Obviously. Who will dare say otherwise - here of all places!

sosix · 05/02/2015 18:23

I don't usually expect dh to do much during the workjng week but as i am on 3rd week of illness he is trying to do more.

ShutUpLegs · 05/02/2015 18:23

You may not have to do half the housework. You do have to pull your weight. What that entails has to be equitably decided by you and your partner with both parties genuinely happy about the division of labour.

If you come home and act all entitled that because you earn the cash, you get to put your feet up, then YABVU.

Sparrowlegs248 · 05/02/2015 18:24

Yanbu. I really don't get it. I would LOVE to be fortunate enough to be a sahm, and think that part of the deal is doing the majority of the housework.

bloodygorgeous · 05/02/2015 18:25

If your attitude is 'I've worked all day, now I'm going to relax' leaving the SAHP to cook, tidy, bath etc after they too have had a busy day then yABU.

I've always worked FT out of the home, my dh is SAHD. I think I would be a total bastard to think I could come home and put my feet up! We've both been busy, there is still stuff to do.

He does most the day to day housework but I do my bit in the evening and a proper clean on the weekend.

RufusTheReindeer · 05/02/2015 18:26

You do what works for you in your house and I'll do what works for me in mine Smile

SnowWhiteAteTheApple · 05/02/2015 18:26

YANBU, I'd be pretty Hmm if DH expected to not work and stay home but then also expected me to do 50/50 on the housework too. Thankfully we both work and share the usual adult house stuff between us according to hours worked.

It doesn't take that long and, despite what many would have you think, can be done whilst there are children in the house.

If a person expects another to provide financially for their every need, the least the other person can do is cover the household stuff.

LineRunner · 05/02/2015 18:27

What does your partner think?

Surely that's what matters.

Also, do they make a mess and leave it? Do you? Is one of you taking the fucking piss?

A SAHP parents. It doesn't make them anybody's drudge.

Shakirasma · 05/02/2015 18:27

It depends, eg if you have small children or babies then the sahp's job is to look after the children and yours is to earn the money. Why shouldn't housework then be a joint responsibility?

If the children are older and at school then of course the sahp should do the lions share of the housework.

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 05/02/2015 18:28

I think that bringing in the money does not = 50% of everything that has to be done in order to be a family and isn't the total of one persons obligation to the family.
I think that both adults have to feel happy with whatever arrangement they have and neither of them should feel taken for granted, taken advantage of or that they are a general skivvy.
You don't have to do 50% if that's not what the two of you feel is fair, but you do have to reach agreement between the two of you so that you both feel that you are doing your fair share.

Original poster
mrsruffallo · 05/02/2015 18:30

I just think of all the stuff I could get done as a sahm. Children are both at school. All that time to look after the house and plan nice stuff.

OP posts:
Inertia · 05/02/2015 18:30

Not enoUgh info.

If Sahp is only dealing with a couple of school age children then at home all day then they should do housework.

If the Sahp is dealing with babies and toddlers all day , or home schooling, or caring for a child with disabilities, then that is also work .

ThatBloodyWoman · 05/02/2015 18:31

I think that yanbu as a general thing.
But there are many variables - one being whether the dc's are pre school.

Inertia · 05/02/2015 18:32

Ah, cross post.

ArcheryAnnie · 05/02/2015 18:32

The SAHP is also working, just not getting paid.

APlaceInTheWinter · 05/02/2015 18:32

Actually I think the important ratio is how much leisure time you both have. If the WOHP swans in and out expecting the SAHP to look after the DCs, do all the housework and facilitate the WOHP's social life whilst the SAHP is supposed to feel grateful for the WOHP's financial contribution then personally I think that is unfair and entitled.

SorchaN · 05/02/2015 18:32

Isn't the other parent working too? And possibly longer hours than most employment outside the home?

Original poster
mrsruffallo · 05/02/2015 18:33

Children at school all day. DH had mum friends who are sahms, and they love to moan about their lot, they were here when I got home yesterday. Hence this rant. Their husbands probably don't do less than me.

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsruffallo · 05/02/2015 18:34

'The SAHP is also working, just not getting paid.'

This infuriates me. You are not employed to look after your home and family.

OP posts:
WD41 · 05/02/2015 18:34

No, that's not the deal. The clue is in the title - sah parent. Not sah cleaner.

I've been sahm and now work part time, so am at home more than DH and therefore do as much as I can and yes that is more than him overall, which is fine. But when he's here in the evenings and weekends it's 50/50, which is as it should be.

merrymouse · 05/02/2015 18:35

It really depends on the details of the situation - I am sure that amongst the huge number of people who define themselves as a SAHP there are some who are unreasonably demanding of their partners, because some people are unreasonably demanding.

If your set up works well, good for you!

zeezeek · 05/02/2015 18:36

Absolutely no way would I do 50% of the housework - my DH is a SAHD and the DC are in school so he has all day to do the housework and he is happy to do it, especially as I work up to 15 hrs a day sometimes.

The only thing I do and insist on doing is cooking. I love my DH and DC and don't want them to die of food poisoning Wink

Original poster
mrsruffallo · 05/02/2015 18:36

So, even when the kids are at school you sit around parenting??

OP posts:
Letmeeatcakecakecake · 05/02/2015 18:36

No I don't expect my DP to do half the house work, I do expect him to clear up after himself and be courteous though.

It's not that hard to put stuff away after yourself, shoes in the hall way, washing in the basket ect not that he does they anyway!