To think that, as the working parent, I do not have to do half of the housework?

[mrsruffallo]

Just that really, Fed up with sahps moaning about their working partners not doing enough around the house. Well, that's the deal isn't it? I cook most nights but that's about it.

Oh, I hate it when dh wafts his skirt

Argh! aren't thinking they are superior to anyone else. Thank goodness I have given up my job.

merrymouse - when my DH is looking after our children he is not doing a job, anymore than I am when I am looking after them. We used to employ someone to do that job - but don't now. That's the point I'm trying to make - it is NOT a JOB being a parent. It is just being a parent and, as far as I'm concerned, a miracle and a privilege.

I certainly do not pretend that childcare or anything else should be done "with a waft of a skirt and a smile" and to assume that's what I mean is insulting to me and women like me and is mildly sexist to say the least - not least because as someone who has one false leg I tend to wear trousers lol.

You and your mum have impeccable taste and vast emotional intelligence. I wish I could have watched it with you both as DH refuses to watch with me. How can anyone bare that woman?

mrsruffallo- really? Mine looks HOT in a kilt (even though he is definitely not Scottish...)

It looks like I'm about to be a sahm. I will be making a financial contribution as I'm volunteering for redundancy. But it's a joint decision about what's best for our family and I would be fuming if my husband described me as opting out of work. The deal will be as it's been while I'm on mat leave that I will do as much as I can fit around the babies and out of hours is shared.

Couldn't agree more merrymouse.

Going back to my earlier question - if I was a childminder (without their own children) who was looking after children 12 hours a day, would it be fair for my DH to expect me to do all the housework?

As someone with a ft jib and primary aged children do I also have a pt job as a childminder?

School age children = YANBU.

Babies and/or toddlers = YABU.

When my children don't depend on me for everything then I will make sure my DH has very little in the way of housework to do when he gets home - except for the bins.

I don't really care how other people choose to organise their families and their lives, but as the main breadwinner in our family, I wouldn't be prepared to accept DH staying at home unless he was willing to do most of the housework. I wouldn't consider that he was pulling his weight if he expected it to be 50:50.

See now, whilst I agree SAHP are entitled to their down time, leisure time, whatever, what about meeee?

I'm the WOHP, DP the SAHD. I never get downtime. I'm up at 6.30 everyday, out the house at 7.30, home at 17.30. Don't work weekends.

I come home, dinner is admittedly normally cooking away. I pick DS up from nursery 2 days a week. The days I don't, I come in and get him prepared for dinner (tidying, washing etc.), I'll tidy the kitchen after dinner and do the dishes, get DS bathed ready for bed for 7.30. I then sit for an hour, go for a bath, prepare lunch for the next day, do bits and bobs.

Weekends - up with DS. DP gets a lie in both Sat and Sun. I do the weekly shop, blitz the house work, sort out pretty much the whole weeks worth of washing, take DS out, do activities, see family, clean the bathroom, cook all meals. DP has to do fuck all at the weekend as I'm in high demand from the toddler.

Fair enough, it works for us but I do wish DP would do a bit more at weekends. He gets 15hrs a week to himself when DS is at nursery. But when I see SAHPs saying they need their downtime too, I want to ask where all these WOHPs are enjoying frequent leisure time as well. Cos I never bloody see any!

Bitch (no offence intended ), that sounds really unfair! Why don't you get a lie-in at the weekend too?!

I was until very recently a SAHP, now i'm doing some work from home so unfortunately nobody can tell the difference. I have a 7 year old and a 3 year old. IME the bit that DH experiences at the weekend, is the 'fun' bit of being a parent but it is definitely not the bit that could be considered 'hard work'!

Children's 'needs' have to be met and that is either through a parent becoming a SAHP or from these daily tasks being outsourced. In that sense it is 'work' and suggesting it's all a privilege and a joy(what, even washing everyone's dirty socks?) is romanticised, silly nonsense!

I don't mean to insult you zeezeek. However, childcare is not always a miracle or a privilege -for many reasons it is often just sheer, grinding, thankless hard work.

I have not met a single parent in RL who would disagree with that, however they go about the job of feeding, clothing and housing their family.

Sometimes work is fun, sometimes it isn't. You seem to equate work with being paid - I disagree.

Because DS wants me to. He won't leave my side at the weekends and as soon as he wakes, I'm his only concern. We've tried to get DP to do the mornings with him but he will hold on to me for dear life or cry or refuse breakfast until I get up to make it. Its not DPs fault really but I do wish he would do the housework but as he does it 5 days a week, its unfair to make him do it 7. I could go out but DS will scream and cry when I do even popping out for milk to the corner shop

I've given up doing anything except dedicating my entire weekend to be by my child's side. I think its separation anxiety. He's nearly 4 btw.

Yanbu ! Speaking as another wohm with a Sahp

I profoundly resent housework and it's creates so many arguments

However now ds2 is at nursery he has more time and I am optimistic

Weekends should be for relaxing ideally not bastard housework

I hate it!

Our generation is a bit fucked as we are with men from a generation where (largely) the mums waited on their dads. Just read Fay Weldon !

So we are the first women to work full time ( yay!) and do the majority of house chores (double yay)

I am already teaching my ds how to Hoover

Sigh

Just read bitch

Nuff said

Is there a reason why he doesn't have a job?

Why are you getting unnecessarily bogged down with whether something is technically a job or not. I always feel people who do this are just trying to downplay the amount of effort childcare. Looking after a child is just as much work for a parent than it would be for a stranger who is paid to do it. Technically it's not classified as employment but it has equal financial value to a household and requires equal effort so why are you getting so het up?

I would also add that getting a kid ready for school by a certain time and rushing about on your own in the week when there's no one to help is FAR more effort

Comparing the effort involved in being a SAHP to working a job is completely fruitless because it so much depends on how many kids, what kind of kids (happy to play alone, need a lot of supervision? Independent, need help/constant reminders to do basic stuff?) and the kind of job you do? Stressful? Fulfilling? Time to have a chat to colleagues? A nice one hour lunch break? Or an evil boss breathing down your neck 24-7?

My husband took a month off when I had to prepare for an exam and found it MUCH more effort than going to work, but my kid is fairly high needs and my husband enjoys his job. My friend has a laid back toddler that goes to pre school, 4 hours in the morning, naps two hours in the afternoon and sleeps through at night while her husband works 15 hour days as a diplomat she definitely has the easy end of the stick!

merrymouse - sorry, I said that whilst thinking of my own situation which I didn't then explain! Having children for me was a miracle as I was told I would probably not have them after having treatment for cancer in my early 20's. When I got pregnant at 40 and then again 2 years later it was a miracle.

Didn't mean I wanted to stay at home though!

" I would also add that getting a kid ready for school by a certain time and rushing about on your own in the week when there's no one to help is FAR more effort"
Than what? Doing that then going to work??

Oops can't type should read far more effort than having fun at the weekend when there's no where you particularly have to be and another pair of hands to help.

Bitch I think you're generalising your situation to all SAHP's; unless your husband is doing all the night wakings (assuming there are any) or gets up very early during the week why is he getting two lie ins and you none? I find usually it's the other way round the SAHP does all the early mornings whether it's the weekend or not.

Actually I think it depends on how much you like your job. I love my job; I hate housework. My DH also hates housework.

There was a time when I worked out of the home and DH was a SAHD. It would have been vastly unfair of me to have been out all day, having really quite a nice time with intellectually stimulating work, adult conversation, lunches prepared by someone else, etc., and then come home and expected DH to have done ALL the stuff that I know we both hate doing.