To think that, as the working parent, I do not have to do half of the housework?

[mrsruffallo]

Just that really, Fed up with sahps moaning about their working partners not doing enough around the house. Well, that's the deal isn't it? I cook most nights but that's about it.

Yes agree with that, love lazy weekend mornings
Don't agree that looking after your won doc is just as hard as childminding though. I can relax with my own doc in a way I can't with other children under my responsibility and all I have to do is make sure they stay alive and vaguely ok until pick up.

Actually I think it depends on how much you like your job.

Yes indeed. And on how much you like your children.

Sure iPad used to recognise dc
I dont supervise medics

X-post stealthpolarbear No definitely not what I meant! I would say it's far more effort and stress than some jobs and far less than others!

Stealth I'm not sure I think because I'm emotionally involved I find it easier with other kids in some situations. If they have a meltdown in the supermarket it's less embarrassing, I don't have to worry about their development etc. But you're right in other situations it's less stressful (I don't have to explain each little scatch etc.)

Treemuskears was that to me?

He was made redundant, I changed jobs which meant me being away from DS more, his childcare fees jumping to £600pm, a lot happened in the space of a month or 2. So DS wasn't too disrupted, we decided it would beneficial for all that he stayed at home. I've been able to concentrate on my career and have done considerably well over the last 9 months, it has been invaluable.

Saying that, DS starts school this September so DP is now looking for jobs to hopefully start in the next 6 weeks or so. I now earn enough where childcare costs won't be a huge hit to our finances.

Not that I really need to explain or justify why DP is at home with DS. No one expects SAHMs to explain why they don't have a job..

I'm a SAHM who envies WOHMs. I hate having no independent income, no adults to talk to for up to 12 hours a day, and losing that feeling of changing someone's life most days?

Our plans changed after a family member died of cancer leaving my kids devastated, and I could just about function. After this my working was making DH ill and the kids miserable, as well as costing us an extra 1000 a month childcare on top of my wages, as DH earns 3x what I could and we have no family around, I have no choice.
If my DH was stupid enough to display some of the attitudes on here, I'd go back to work like a shot and let him deal with the fallout, as it is he's grateful that I've given up what was a large part of my life to be there for our children until things settle, which will take at least another few years, and by then it'll be too late to go back to the job I loved.
For me being a SAHM is a full time job and housework is split equally the same as it was when we were both working full time, although I deal with all the stuff during the day.

TwoOddSocks I explained below, its not DP being lazy or me being a martyr. DS, I think, suffers minor separation anxiety and will not have DP do anything for him at the weekend. Its not worth the battle to lie in bed with frequent small hands trying to pull you out of bed or throwing clothes at you or lying on top of your face going 'Mummy! Breakfast! Please! Now!'.

I'm all for the easy life which is forgoing any lie in!

I've stayed at home with 2 preschool children and I have/do work 60+ hour weeks in a professional role. I don't say I have two jobs, doctor and mother. One is my paid employment the other isn't. The SAHP is not a job, it's doing exactly what I do after my 60+ hour week but having time to do it in the daytime rather than at 1am like me as I m doing it on top of my paid role.
I would absolutely expect the SAHP to do the bulk of the housework, particularly when the kids are at school.
It drives me mad when I see SAHP moan that they haven't had much me time and lead such busy tiring lives when I know their kids are all in school.
I just think I do everything you do plus work 60 odd hours a week!

It drives me mad when I see SAHP moan that they haven't had much me time and lead such busy tiring lives

It doesn't annoy me - I just assume that they must have very difficult kids and make a mental note not to invite the children over to play!

Speaking as a man who works from home most of the time, I don't think you're being unreasonable OP.

I've found that I can vacuum the ground floor of the house in around 15-minutes. Then the first flight of stairs in around 3-minutes the first floor in about 8-minutes, second flight of stairs in sub 3-minutes and the top floor in about 4-minutes. Probably half-an-hour to do a thorough job on the whole house. however as the dog isn't allowed upstairs, only the ground floor gets vacuumed daily.

I can take the laundry from the two baskets and load the washing machine in around 40 seconds. The machine then washes the clothes and an hour later, I can remove the washed clothes and put them into the tumble-dryer, where they will dry with no effort from me. Whilst that's happening, I can put the second load of laundry (coloureds not whites this time) into the washing machine in around 30-seconds and let the machine wash that bundle of clothes. I can then pop back up the stairs and make our bed in around 50-seconds. After which I can walk the dog for an hour, answer a few emails and make some calls.

When I get back, I can unload the first pile of laundry and put the next lot in from the washing-machine and take the dry stuff upstairs and dump it on a bed for the other half to sort out.

Then I'll re-load the dishwasher correctly - in the way it's designer intended - and set it to run for a couple of hours (I don't have to stay with it whilst it's washing the dishes, it does it all on it's own)

By now it'll be close to 10 o'clock, so I can get down to some serious work for 2 or 3 hours and when the dishwasher beeps, I can come out and remove the dry laundry (dump it with the other stuff) put some soup in the microwave - don't need to do anything but push a button - and unload the dishwasher and put everything away (takes about the same time as the soup, maybe 2-minutes)

Then I can take my soup back into my study, get back to some serious work for another 4 hours, befre starting supper. I estimate most days, it takes me about 30-minutes to do supper, weekend maybe an hour and a half.

So a typical day, is:

15 mins vacuum
2 mins on laundry
1 minute to make bed
3 minutes on dishwasher
30 minutes on supper

Call it an hour if it's bin day. (Not counting the dog walking)

35-40 hours doing the paid job.

Other half does the ironing, putting clothes away, cleaning loos and showers and going to Waitrose at the weekend, plus a 30-hour job, 5 minutes down the road.
My step-sons are both out school and teenagers so obviously there's no real work there; we think it's a good balance.

We don't so much do a division of jobs but more we both try make sure that each of us get an hour to ourselves each day. We are both happy. We also split night feeds, I find it really hard to get back to sleep once I'm fully awake in the middle of the night whereas OH doesn't so he does middle of night feed and gets the lie in whilst I get up at 7 every morning with DD.

It is whatever works best for you.

I went back to work when DS was 4mo, DP works away and comes home on weekends if he can. I do everything during the week including a 37.5 hour week at work, if dp comes home on the weekend he takes over playing with now 6mo ds and does the night feeds, I do the chores.

it works for us.

Not unreasonable.

You should each do 50/50 during the time you're home (exact tasks done by each depends on respective abilities, inclinations etc). Obviously the WOHP is home less so does less.

That assumes you're actually working hard when you're at work, of course. if you're browsing Mumsnet in the office while the SAHP runs around after the DC then maybe you should do a bit more when you're home...

The thing is theres a big difference between a sahp with pre schoolers and a sahp with children at school or nursery. I know a few sahp who have 3 pre schoolers, there can't be alot of time for chores.

Some people cope well balancing a child and chores, some don't.

I don't think dh has ever cleaned a toilet, as I said previously, normally he comes home to dinner, we share homework, baths, bedtimes. He does laundry at the weekend, irons his own shirts, cooks at weekend and if needed shops. We also share taking dcs to partys/clubs. During the week I do all clubs.

Dh leaves before we wake, i get more sleep normally BUT he gets to get ready for work in peace and I am sole charge of getting dcs ready and off to school/nursery.

Ds 2 has just started nursery, 2 school days a week, I have been ill the whole time.

"I do everything you do plus work 60 odd hours a week!" - unless you take your kids to work with you don't do everything I do as my kids aren't away from me for 60 hours a week. FFS.

Norland - I'm not sure if that's meant to be a comedy post??? Of course the laundry only takes 2 minutes if you're just shoving it in the machine and dryer!! If only it would magically take 2 minutes to iron, fold, sort and put away laundry...

A month ago, I'd have said YANBU. But I had my first child 3 weeks ago, partner went back to work last week (he works part time) I work full time but on maternity leave, and ooooh work was a doddle compared to being at home with the little un. But then I guess she is a newborn and I need time to adapt. But most of my time is on her, the house is a shithole, and I don't think I've worn proper clothes except for hospital and doctor visits!

Maybe I'm just a rubbish temporary SAHM lol

:)

As long as both people are happy with the situation it doesn't matter, it's when one resents the other for their role I guess. Anyone can work together any way that makes them happy :)

I'm a WOHM and DH is a SAHD. DD is 19 months, DS is 6 months.

I get up at 5.30am and leave the house at 6.30am. I always do something houseworky in that time, such as sorting washing / putting a load in the tumble dryer / washing up / unloading the dishwasher etc.

DH will do the odd load of washing, but not often, during the day.

He cooks dinner for us all as I get home after 6 and DD needs to eat by no later than that.

Either of us will wash / clear up after dinner, depending on who's doing bedtime / gets there first.

DH does the bins.

I book the shopping deliveries and he receives them / puts it away.

I clean the bathroom and kitchen, as well as vacuum / mop, keep on top of the washing and put the washing away (except his) at the weekend.

So I definitely do more housework, but he has it bloody tough all day. I'll expect him to do more once they're both at nursery, however, but that's ages off.

Norland- You sound so bloody organised. Makes sense when you break it down like that.

Congratulations Hermit! When I was at home with my babies, the house was permanently chaotic. Don't give it a second thought.
School age kids here now though.

Norla d of course laundry takes 2 mintues and emptying the dw the same. As for hoovering, it takes 20 mintues alone to do my lounge.

Ah but it never used to be like that mrsruffalo. It used to be 'I do all the work around the house, you come home and pour a glass of wine and plonk your bottom...' etc.

So we had a little exercise in timing one-week. It turned out to be a good thing, 'cos my OH now knows exactly how long I've taken to do things and what's been done. (She had an 18-hour PT job at the time and I was working 60-hour weeks)

Sosix, your lounge is clearly the departure one at Terminal 5.

Hermit, stuff the housework, enjoy your baby!

I'm laughing at the idea of Norland's DP coming home to be told proudly "I've done all the washing and it only took me 2 minutes" - her smiling in amazement, then going upstairs to find all the laundry plonked on a bed awaiting ironing and putting away...