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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my cm to talk about 'silly tantrums'

196 replies

mikado1 · 03/02/2015 19:15

I have a 2.5 yr old and we don't have a huge problem with tantrums, he is generally a happy little man and undrstands no means no etc. At times of course he is irrational and emotional as toddlers can be. My approach is that it is develoomental and something he's not yet in control of. I don't punish this 'behaviour', just waitvit out, empathise and give a hug if necessary. Gave cm a written description of our way of dealing with this when we started and asked for any feedback if there was a problem. No word until today lo says 'I had no silly tantrums in the playground today'-I asked him what that meant and he said sometimes he has a silly tantrum because he wants to go into the playground. I know it might be lightly said when it's over but am I BU to be a bit put out?? I don't see him expressing his feelings as negative and know that at mo he's just not capable of being calm while saying he's sad or whatever. .. I told him it wasn't silly and it's ok to be sad/angry.. he tokd me sge says 'stop that!'(v cross voice) :(

We are delighted with her and tbh on this one thing I won't be saying a thibg but do feel a bit disappointed. ..

OP posts:
betweenmarchandmay · 03/02/2015 19:17

I think YABU, sorry, it's not a big deal at all.

Artandco · 03/02/2015 19:19

I think yabu. A childminder has other children, so can't spend all day waiting for each child to wait out tantrums

FarFromAnyRoad · 03/02/2015 19:19

I'm afraid I think you sound terribly precious and more than anything YABU for referring to your toddler son as a 'little man'.

Tinks42 · 03/02/2015 19:20

Why on earth would you feel disappointed with someone telling a child to stop the behaviour? So let me get this right... when your child has a tantrum you empathise and hug afterwards? So you think its ok to express his feelings in such a way and be told its not wrong to strop off about things?

TheFecklessFairy · 03/02/2015 19:20

I don't see him expressing his feelings as negative

You will by the time he is 16 unless you get a grip.

newtonupontheheath · 03/02/2015 19:22

Yabu. Your ds needs to understand that he should behave in the way the cm expects in preparation for pre-school, school etc. She won't have a day

306235388 · 03/02/2015 19:23

But don't you see? You aren't teaching him how to control his emotions or behave. You need to or when he's a bit older he will still be having tantrums.

Tantrums are normal and it's ok to be empathetic to them but you've got to be the adult, you've got to tell them to stop it. They need to learn it's not socially acceptable.

newtonupontheheath · 03/02/2015 19:23

Sorry- to negotiate with each child separately/differently

IHeartKingThistle · 03/02/2015 19:23

You may see it as 'expressing his feelings' but I bet no one else does. He does have to learn that not everyone will put up with the behaviour like you do and it sounds like the cm is doing a good job with that. She's doing him a massive favour before he starts school. Can you imagine a class of children who are unable to control their behaviour?

ApocalypseThen · 03/02/2015 19:24

Unless you're showering this woman with riches to indulge this behavior, I think you are expecting too much. She shouldn't have to tolerate tantrums.

egnahc · 03/02/2015 19:25

You have a 1 adult to 1 child ratio or 2 adults to 1 child. they get your full attention. Life and school isnt like that. learning to share, take turns and not always get there own way are things that they will learn at the childminder- this may well cause temper tantrums that you never see.

BMO · 03/02/2015 19:25

Well, it is normal and developmental, but that doesn't mean throwing a tantrum because you want to go in the playground is acceptable/desirable. I would say "stop that" to a child beginning to have a strop too.

DeWee · 03/02/2015 19:27

waitvit out, empathise and give a hug if necessary Grin Wait until you have 2 (or more) and your 2nd is having a tantrum because they can't take their entire train set on the school run. School is 10 minutes away and you've 5 minutes to get there before you're late.

Yes, there are silly tantrums.

OddFodd · 03/02/2015 19:29

If you want a child carer who will wait out and empathise with a tantrum, you need a nanny, not a CM

Lepaskilf · 03/02/2015 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/02/2015 19:29

Yabvu, if your child understands no, then he can understand that having a tantrum is not on. Yes your cm has other children, she cannot wait for the child to tantrum himself out, anyway a nursery or pre school would deal with this, the way you are. If you send your ds to a cm, you have to understand they have a different way of dealing with it.

peggyundercrackers · 03/02/2015 19:30

Yabu - Children need to be told to stop it when they are having tantrums. This person is doing the correct thing by telling him to stop the silly tantrums - i think you need to do the same and tell him to stop it.

Ubik1 · 03/02/2015 19:32

Children need boundaries . Even two year olds.

BackforGood · 03/02/2015 19:32

Have to agree with everyone else.

Bowlersarm · 03/02/2015 19:33

YABU.

What they've all said.

monkeyfacegrace · 03/02/2015 19:34

This is a cracking PFB thread Grin

Poor little man. CM doesn't empathise and hug. Get a grip.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/02/2015 19:34

I agree, 2 year olds need boundaries, yes a tantrum is a way of testing them. You need to put some in place, what if he goes to pre school and school, he will need to learn that certain behaviour is not acceptable.

Fanfeckintastic · 03/02/2015 19:35

Oh OP! Ridiculously unreasonable but I'd probably have been a little bit the same when DD was that age Blush

dougierose · 03/02/2015 19:35

I love this thread!

My SIL is of the ilk who call trantrums "expressing themselves"

OP - your CM was expressing herself when she called it a silly tantrum.

One person expressing themselves v another person expressing themselves. End of.

SlatternIsMyMiddleName · 03/02/2015 19:37

I fail to see what the CM did wrong. She called a tantrum silly and tried to stop it by using a cross voice. I really really fail to see what is wrong with those actions.