to not want my cm to talk about 'silly tantrums'

[mikado1]

I have a 2.5 yr old and we don't have a huge problem with tantrums, he is generally a happy little man and undrstands no means no etc. At times of course he is irrational and emotional as toddlers can be. My approach is that it is develoomental and something he's not yet in control of. I don't punish this 'behaviour', just waitvit out, empathise and give a hug if necessary. Gave cm a written description of our way of dealing with this when we started and asked for any feedback if there was a problem. No word until today lo says 'I had no silly tantrums in the playground today'-I asked him what that meant and he said sometimes he has a silly tantrum because he wants to go into the playground. I know it might be lightly said when it's over but am I BU to be a bit put out?? I don't see him expressing his feelings as negative and know that at mo he's just not capable of being calm while saying he's sad or whatever. .. I told him it wasn't silly and it's ok to be sad/angry.. he tokd me sge says 'stop that!'(v cross voice) :(

We are delighted with her and tbh on this one thing I won't be saying a thibg but do feel a bit disappointed. ..

apocalypsethen sorry for horrific typos!!

YABU your childminder has done nothing wrong, nothing at all. I doubt your son will be damaged by it and it probably did him good to have his behaviour corrected firmly but fairly.

My wonderful CM will occasionally describe ds2 as having been 'a bit of a pickle' today. I mentally translate that as 'heinous little shite'. I am then duly grateful.

Your CM sounds practical, sensible and kind and is using a very mild word for something your Ds does need to learn isn't acceptable. I'd say you found a goodun.

Katie kaye, I meant a bit over-sensitive really, take things too much to heart. It wasn't a brag!!! Thanks ashtray heart... it is the way that feels best to me. I can't remember the last time he had a tantrum that lasted longer than 10seconds so the habit thing not an issue. Won't give another thought to the cm's approach though :)

Teawamutu, that's a lovely way of putting it :)

I do pull some people up on things. My well meaning neighbour was telling my DD "Oh you'll have to be good or Father Christmas won't bring anything"

Well I don't say that. I don't agree with it so I said "Oh yes he will....he leaves discipline up to me."

Could you please let up with the !!!!!!!!!!! We're not going to have any left!

10 seconds?

Talk about deluded.

Your CM would not have commented on 'silly tantrums' if he hadn't been having them. 10 seconds?! Pah.

chipping Just for you...

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2 year olds are at least 80% silly, so I am pretty sure that your CM was fair enough in what she said!

2 year old tantrums are even sillier; today we had DS rolling around on the pavement like a stunned mullet because I wouldn't give him my car keys. That was pretty silly, so I ignored him and went inside. I didn't hang around watching him fondly then hug it out...

But apocalypsetgen you comment on 'poorly disciplined' child, that's what I mean, he isn't one!!!

At 2.5, of course he isn't. In two year's time, that's what he could become.

But it is a silly tantrum. And part of his emotional development us recognising this. It's just as important to learn to handle emotions as it is to show them, and you need to think about how he will act as a child adolescent or adult if he isn't learning to manage the feeling of sadness or anger.
Yes it's ok to feel it or show it but he's learning a valuable lesson.

Delude yourself if you like Chipping! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's not an issue here, they ARE v short lived.

Don't like exclamation marks? Pah.

I suppose apocalypse I feel in two years time, the developmental tantrums will have been outgrown and all the other discipline, firm boundaries, zero tolerance re hurting self/others and modelling respect, will be worth something. .

This is not about whether a child is out of control or whatever.

This is about you starting a thread on an internet forum because your child minder used the word 'silly'. Not in reference to your child even, but in reference to a behaviour your child exhibited that everyone in the entire world recognises as an annoying, inevitable but annoying, phase that most small children go through and then learn not to do (and to express their special emotions better yada yada yada) from the adults in charge of them.

YABU. I'm sure he's a lovely toddler, but golly.

Your cm didn't call him a silly boy, she called it a silly tantrum. She may well also talk to him about how it feels to get cross, sad, happy, etc.

I actually mainly agree with you OP, except that perhaps you're expecting too much of a childminder. There's a distinction between a tantrum (manipulative) and a meltdown (lack of emotional regulation). The latter is something they grow out of but there's no point punishing or shaming it because it's not something they can control.

This isn't nethuns.

You only need one !

I almost boiled my piss over someone who did this-- ?????????? in a thread title yesterday.

At least this thread gives me comfort that mumsnet can sometimes be back to normal.

So at what point will it become worthwhile to teach him what kind of behaviour is acceptable? Won't that get confusing for him?

Thanks twooddsocks, I have rowed back on the BU-ness towards minder's comment! It developed into more general discussion on tantrums. Good point re distinction.

I suppose apocalypse I feel in two years time, the developmental tantrums will have been outgrown and all the other discipline, firm boundaries, zero tolerance re hurting self/others and modelling respect, will be worth something.

They will but tantrums happen under emotional pressure and if that's an emotional state he's never been taught to handle he can be as charming as he likes as a rule but prone to some behaviour which won't be cute any more.

I suppose honeybeepoo, when he moves on developmentally and realises that he doesn't get his way because of it. Obviously I will not deal with the same way as he becomes more capable of dealing with his emotions. Just like he grew out of night feeds, nappies, throwing food off the high chair etc.. wishful thinking? I promise to check in in a year, and in two!

Wishful thinking? Well, maybe. My four year old has more tantrums and strops now than she ever did at two or three...

Interesting. . So it won't be because of my hugs then if it hasn't stopped? ! ;)

No, it will be down to four year olds thinking they know everything, whilst actually knowing very little. Wee buggers.