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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To consider gender selection in Cyprus

213 replies

Dreamalittledream7 · 02/02/2015 12:03

I am currently pregnant with #4, 22 weeks and it's a little boy. This will be our third boy, we do have a daughter but we where hoping baby would be a girl and our family would be complete.
I hate the thought that my girl experience was ruined by PND and that I barely remember it, I want another little girl to love and bring up, I also hate the thought of my daughter never having a sister to play with.

Would it be mad to go and do this to get a girl? My husband is a bit shocked by my suggestion but he's being supportive.

OP posts:
AlfAlf · 02/02/2015 18:43

Hoping Shock what you said back there was incredibly offensive. It's actually made me feel a bit sick.

Original poster
Dreamalittledream7 · 02/02/2015 18:43

Thank you all, I have only just caught up on here!

I just wanted to say I never meant to upset people who have trouble getting pregnant and I wish you all the best in getting your much wanted babies.

With my first I did actually have a hard time conceiving, 3 years - but I never judged people who had subsequent children, I was amazing at how lucky they where.

Maybe we will have a fifth natrualy, maybe we will go down the gender selection route or maybe our tiny new boy will come out and fill in the piece that I seem to be missing - who knows, but I'm not a breeding machine - I have them to love and adore them, my DH works hard to support us and give us a good life and they where all planned if that makes my uncontrollable breeding sound any better to you!

I just want to thank all of you who have offered opinions and advice, I have seen a therapist regarding my blues around my daughters first few months and I am over it, but it doesn't stop me hoping to have a little girl again and enjoying it, just like I enjoy my sons and now my daughter too. Xxx

OP posts:
ourglass · 02/02/2015 18:46

Hoping talking to people like shit because of your own problems isn't fair - you need to hide the thread.

suboptimal · 02/02/2015 18:54

OP to still be posting calmly and considerately on this thread when some previous posters have been absolutely vile to you shows a real strength of spirit.

I wish you luck.

Some people should be ashamed of themselves.

AlfAlf · 02/02/2015 18:57

OP I do feel some sympathy for you. It must be hard when you've been told you're expecting a particular gender, and you're thrilled and start picturing your family with this lovely little new addition and making all sorts of plans... Only to be told actually no, they were mistaken. I think it's natural it feel some disappointment, and the pregnancy hormones aren't helping.
I'm sure once you have adjusted to the news you will be just as thrilled to be expecting a beautiful little boy :) please wait and see how happy you will be (very!!) before planning any more. Four dc is lots, you are very blessed.

I can empathise. I have all girls and would have quite liked a boy (shock horror) but that doesn't mean I don't realise how lucky I am, and I don't prefer boys or anything. I just imagined when planning my family that I'd have both, I'm from a family of equal boys and girls, so is my dh (so are my parents for that matter); so we are not the family I planned, but we are perfect anyway.

Idontseeanysontarans · 02/02/2015 19:02

Wow Dream I can only hope I could ever read posts like some of these aimed at me and still reply with such grace and dignity!
Some people could learn a lesson or 2 from you.
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy Thanks

pepperpigmustdie · 02/02/2015 19:06

hoping you need to calm down and hide the thread.

jimmycrackcornbutidontcare honestly its just a bunch of cells, I seen my blastocyst before she placed inside me. She looked like a see through golf ball.

MNHQ
YetAnotherHelenMumsnet · 02/02/2015 19:08

Hi all,
As you can imagine, we have had quite a few reports about this one. We have removed the most egregious slurs and left enough of the discussion that it still (we hope) makes sense. We would remind everyone that this is a place that is supposed to make our lives easier, and sometimes that might mean clicking off a thread that is upsetting.

SaltySeaBird · 02/02/2015 19:10

I'd love a DC#2 boy or girl. It is unlikely to every happen. My DD won't ever have a brother or sister.

I don't think it was a very well thought out post saying you are essentially disappointed number 4 is a boy so you'll have five and make sure it's the right type.

suboptimal · 02/02/2015 19:18

But Salty can't you see that your situation has got nothing whatsoever to do with the op's situation?

It's like those people who reply to "I've had flu" with "think yourself lucky. My neighbour has cancer".

Yes, well that's awful etc but it doesn't mean that flu is a walk in the park does it?

I'm sure the op counts her blessings every day. Doesn't mean she can't still want something she hasn't got.

SlicedAndDiced · 02/02/2015 19:33

I saw the situation more like:

Op- I don't really want this food I want different food.
Majority- that is understandable.

Starving minority - Yabu be grateful you've got food.

Neither wrong or right really. However I'm one of the ones that found the thread upsetting so will be taking mn advice and hiding it now.

FoxgloveFairy · 02/02/2015 19:41

I'm confused now. You want to go to Cyprus for gender selection ie. the implication being that you would have an abortion if the baby is the 'wrong' sex. That's the point, isn't it? Are you talking about if you become pregnant with number five?

50shadesofknackered · 02/02/2015 19:45

What a horrible thread! Shock Op, you've had some awful things said to you on here, well done for rising above it. Of course yanbu to discuss this issue or even do it if that is what is best for your family. I do however, agree with pp who have said to wait until you've had your baby and your hormones have settled down before exploring it further. Some people on this thread have lost all sense and reason, people can have as many babies as they please and they shouldn't be berated because of it. The op (or those with large families) are not responsible for anyone else's fertility issues. I mean ffs, we could all scour MN or any other part of the internet for things to be offended by, get a fucking grip! Op, I didn't read anything in your post about you not wanting to have your little boy, just that you had an idea about what your family was going to be like and that has suddenly changed. Its fine to discuss all your options! I would have been shocked if it had turned out I was having a little boy when I'd been told it was a girl. Good luck with everything.

suboptimal · 02/02/2015 19:46

Foxglove why don't you just RTFT?

Surely the easiest way to get your questions answered?

waithorse · 02/02/2015 19:53

Fucking horrible thing to do. Sad

Strokethefurrywall · 02/02/2015 19:53

Agree with posters above - I think the reason you've been metaphorically hit with a sledge hammer, is because you believed your baby was a girl after being told incorrectly.

I know if I had been told I was having a girl, and had started to imagine what she'd look like, what her name might be and, especially in your case, imagine how you might have a different, more positive experience of giving birth to a daughter (a "do-over" if you will) I would have been absolutely shocked, disappointed and confused. Not because I was having a boy, but because that dream has gone up in smoke.

Doesn't mean you'll love your baby boy any less, or that you'll treat him any differently, but I can understand that yearning for the family you have dreamt about. And you know yourself that once he arrives he will become a perfect part of your family.

But as others have suggested, don't make any decisions about future children whilst you're bogged down in pregnancy hormones. Wait until your baby is born and you're a year down the line. Then you know you can look at it objectively and with a clear head. All the best.

Idontseeanysontarans · 02/02/2015 20:02

Waithorse what is? Have you read the full thread or just the juicy bits where the OP is accused of wanting to abort a baby boy, collecting children like toys, not loving her children or being held responsible for the fertility problems of other people?

pepperpigmustdie · 02/02/2015 20:05

fox the gender is already selected before implantation, there wouldn't be any need for abortion.

BMO · 02/02/2015 20:08

OP, I haven't read the whole thread but I would totally consider this if I had the money!

I have two boys and would love to have a girl.

CarlaVeloso · 02/02/2015 20:10

Seriously, how can you be upset by a thread you willingly clicked on having read its explicitly clear title?

Just ignore it. The OP has not said anything "heinous" or "offensive".

I really hope she hides this vicious thread.

She is entitled to her thoughts, her fertility is unrelated to anyone else's.

KittenCamile · 02/02/2015 20:24

A friend did this because she wanted a girl and ended up with twin boys so now has 3 boys and never got her girl.

As someone on day 10 of their first ivf cycle I don't understand why you arnt happy with 4 DCS and don't get why anyone would put themselves through this when they can conceive naturally. Injecting myself with hormones is not fun.

Maybe just enjoy the already large family that you have. I find your op very selfish and think you need counselling

Stinkylinky · 02/02/2015 20:26

YABU. Massively.

Bluebell84 · 02/02/2015 20:31

if u can manage a fifth go for it

it is what's in your heart. if u can afford it and it is what u want go for it

we personally are strapped for cash as it is so we are stopping at three. we have two DSs. this pregnancy has been awful thus far so boy girl I really don't care I just want to NOT be pregnant any more

best of luck to you and your family. I hope you get your little girl.

I never had a sister and two brothers I had nothing in common with. I longed for a sister. saying that my mother and her sister have been at war since the 80s

may your daughters be life long best friends :)

misssmilla1 · 02/02/2015 20:44

You know that IVF isn't the panacea for successful reproduction, right? i.e. for a lot of women it doesn't happen first time, and in fact, many people are unsuccessful in subsequent cycles, and this doesn't rely on whether you're been able to get pregnant before. The IVF process is mentally, emotionally and physically draining (not to mention financially if the first cycle is not a success) and invasive (literally and metaphorically) having to be monitored through the cycle and beyond is hard, and I imagine even harder with kids already and the clinic is based overseas. I can't quite understand why someone would put themselves through that if they didn't have to Confused

And obviously, there's always the chance your kid may be gay or identify as the opposite gender to what they first start out. You can't always influence everything..

CitizenOfTheWorld · 02/02/2015 20:55

OP, I was depressed when I fell pregnant with my dc1 and dc2, a dark time in my life. I love them to bits but often wondered how it would be to have a newborn and fully enjoy the experience without the shadow of the depression. But I wasn't quite sure that was a good enough reason to have another baby. Eventually the desire to have. Dc3 was too strong to avoid and I am so glad we had a third as I enjoyed that on a very different way.
A different situation to yours as gender selection not involved but similar in the desire to live a situation again but differently. I would not choose to select my baby's gender but if you feel it is necessary for you it may be the right decision.

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