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AIBU?

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Original poster

To consider gender selection in Cyprus

213 replies

Dreamalittledream7 · 02/02/2015 12:03

I am currently pregnant with #4, 22 weeks and it's a little boy. This will be our third boy, we do have a daughter but we where hoping baby would be a girl and our family would be complete.
I hate the thought that my girl experience was ruined by PND and that I barely remember it, I want another little girl to love and bring up, I also hate the thought of my daughter never having a sister to play with.

Would it be mad to go and do this to get a girl? My husband is a bit shocked by my suggestion but he's being supportive.

OP posts:
CarlaVeloso · 02/02/2015 13:30

Seriously OP. This thread will only get worse.

Nobody reads the whole thing.
Nobody will read your updates.
They will just read the opening post and flame you.

Report it, get it gone. For your own happiness.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 02/02/2015 13:30

"This is probably the most shocking OP I've seen here."

Poppycock

Op maybe lost again in another section. aIBU isn't the right place for you - assuming you don't want to be torn apart?!

CarlaVeloso · 02/02/2015 13:32

They will also tell you you need to see a psychiatrist. Posters suggest that quite glibly. And that will make you feel even worse. Someone said it to me on a thread once about something quite trivial to do with my toddler and it really stayed with me and unsettled me.

JustCallMeBridget · 02/02/2015 13:33

OP - I've messaged you. There's absolutely nothing wrong with gender selection and if I were you I would go for it! Why not? You only get one life.

Original poster
Dreamalittledream7 · 02/02/2015 13:36

I've clicked flip this thread but not sure when they'll take it down.

Thanks to who have been supportive.

OP posts:
TedAndLola · 02/02/2015 13:36

Gender disappointment (should really be called sex disappointment, but that sounds like a whole other can of worms) gets a really hard time on MN. It's fairly common but women feel like they can't talk about it because of reactions like the OP has had, which doesn't help anyone.

APotNoodleandaTommy · 02/02/2015 13:36

So gender selection is ok but termination is 'inhumane'?!??
OP you need to step away from the keyboard, you are being heinously offensive though I do doubt this is your intention

mrspuddleduckie · 02/02/2015 13:36

Sent you a PM (a nice one!)

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 02/02/2015 13:36

Yanbu to WONDER about it, which is what you're doing. You would, however, be VU to do it.

DropYourSword · 02/02/2015 13:38

Flip this thread isn't the report function OP. I think it's a shame when threads get deleted but agree people won't read this properly and just keep kicking you!

packofbaloobas · 02/02/2015 13:39

I can see why you were disappointed Op thinking you were having a girl and therefore your ideal family. But to go for ivf to guarantee a girl is irrational and extreme.
Get some counselling and let the hormones settle. Your dd won't miss out being the only girl, she really won't.
I think you've had an unfair reaction here.just mind yourself and your kiddies, its obvious that you love them very much. You just need to thrash this out with a good counsellor to get to the bottom of why you feel this way

Onceuponatimetherewas · 02/02/2015 13:42

If your daughter is only 2, you obviously haven't missed out on the "girl experience"! If I were you I'd stop having babies, 4 is a lot, and get on with enjoying my 4 children, at least 3 of whom are still tiny. They get more interesting and less hard work as they get older. A vast number of girls get on very well without having a sister. Time to move on beyond the baby stage?

MiscellaneousAssortment · 02/02/2015 13:42

I grew up convinced that if I had children, they would be girls. I was third gen all girls, so grew up believing that unquestioningly. I was even sad about knowing I'd never have a boy (!)

Anyway, I got pregant, amazingly exciting, didn't even cross my mind it could be anything but a baby girl. Soooo glad that I found out by accident at a scan at 14 weeks... They hadn't meant to show that bit and it's against the rules to discuss gender at the 12 week scan (was late booking in), as it's not clear for most babies at that stage.

I was so glad I found out though, as you'll have gathered, it was a boy! I needed all that time to get my head around it, I was delighted, shocked and upset all rolled into one. I didn't really believe it, as I had grown up thinking I 'couldnt' have a boy.

So I get it, the sudden change in info completely confuses you and you feel like you've been bonding with the wrong baby somehow!

Oh I love my darling beautiful boy now :)

CarlaVeloso · 02/02/2015 13:44

you are being heinously offensive

No, she's not. Get a dictionary (and a life), you drama queen.

OP, flip this thread just means turn it round so the most recent posts appear first. You need to tap the report function - it takes you to a message page where you can explain why you want it deleted.

I'll do it too - the more do it the greater chance of them seeing it.

ChocolateBiscuitCake · 02/02/2015 13:45

dream - this is a very emotive subject on MN with little support. I know - I asked a similar question a few years ago.

I will pm you the details of a wonderful, international, supportive forum where you can explore this in more detail, should you choose to.

But be kind to yourself - you are full of hormones and getting your head round a change of news. It is easy to wish time away and before you know it, your other dc have grown up a bit and you realise you've missed it all. With a 2yr old, a 1 yr old and a newborn (and another), you will need time to regroup and enjoy what you have!

silveroldie2 · 02/02/2015 13:46

I knew a couple who kept on having babies because they were desperate for a girl - 9 boys later they almost gave up but said one more - it was a girl. Personally, as someone who couldn't have children, I wouldn't care if the baby was a boy or girl or pink with yellow spots (hmm perhaps not the latter).

CarlaVeloso · 02/02/2015 13:47

You need to click on your first post. If you are on an iPhone there are three dots at the end of the post, tap those and you'll see report.

Myfourblondies · 02/02/2015 13:58

OP you are getting a very hard time here but I can empathise with you. I had 2 girls and a boy when I was pregnant with dc4. I desperately wanted a boy to 'even things up'. Shallow, selfish, I knew that but just couldn't get over the disappointment of finding out that dc4 was another girl.

Until she was born. I fell in love with her instantly, she is beautiful and an individual. I couldn't love her more. All thoughts of trying for another boy completely vanished when she was born and now I look at her and feel so terribly guilty about my feelings when I was pregnant.

I wish you luck and hope that you feel differently once your little man is here.

DixieNormas · 02/02/2015 13:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BingBong36 · 02/02/2015 13:59

Yabu

So what if your daughter doesn't have a sister, I never had a sister and I couldn't give a toss.

You have got 4 children and you should be bloody grateful!!!

You do not have a baby because you want a certain gender.

Your poor new baby boy I feel do sorry for him.

DandyHighwayman · 02/02/2015 14:02

You are not being unreasonable

Also iirc they can select for gender in Spain, too (shorter flight?!)

APotNoodleandaTommy · 02/02/2015 14:06

Yes, Carla, she is being heinously offensive. Hence so many people being offended. I have also stated that I don't believe it's her intention.

However, to post on this site, where so many have fertility issues and really complex issues, that she would consider selective IVF so that her fifth child could be a girl - fifth! When she already has a girl and is currently pregnant! - is at best inconsiderate, massively so.
So don't get all sanctimonious with me.

winkywinkola · 02/02/2015 14:11

Blimey.

Some posters really struggle with English comprehension, don't they?

Where did the op say she wanted to abort her baby?!

And where did she say she wanted to replace the daughter she has with one who'll be a better experience? That is not basically what she just said AT ALL.

I think that with every pregnancy, before you find out the sex, a lot of women fantasise about both sexes, and what it will be like. I know I did.

With all my children, (dd and dss), I felt incredibly sad to find out they were the sex they are, boy or girl. I had to say goodbye to the other fantasy. Which is trivial in the grand scheme of things but when you are pregnant, some stuff gets magnified.

Op, wait until your little baby is 2+. I've got four dcs and I thought I'd want 5 but I've really reached my tipping point now. It's a little bit more bonkers than I thought it would be!

I wouldn't bother with sex selection IVF either. You're fertile and healthy and the desire to 'balance' your family will lessen. I promise you.

It's exciting, what you've got. Really exciting. I hope you really relish your new addition.

And ignore the hysterical reactions on here. It seems some people are unable give an opinion without flaming. It's lame.

Irelephant · 02/02/2015 14:12

The OP isn't responsible for anyone else's fertility problems!

Some of these responses are downright nasty.

OP congratulations on your pregnancy Thanks and good luck with whatever you decide to do.

workhouse · 02/02/2015 14:17

OP sorry that you are being flamed. Of course you have a right to ask for opinions about sex selection on here, no matter what your present circumstances. If people are sensitive about these issues they should not open the thread, it is perfectly clear by the title what it is about.

For what it is worth, I think that you are making a massive mistake having a dream about how your life is going to pan out, especially where children are concerned. You just CAN'T plan ahead, you take whatever life throws at you.