Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To consider gender selection in Cyprus

213 replies

Dreamalittledream7 · 02/02/2015 12:03

I am currently pregnant with #4, 22 weeks and it's a little boy. This will be our third boy, we do have a daughter but we where hoping baby would be a girl and our family would be complete.
I hate the thought that my girl experience was ruined by PND and that I barely remember it, I want another little girl to love and bring up, I also hate the thought of my daughter never having a sister to play with.

Would it be mad to go and do this to get a girl? My husband is a bit shocked by my suggestion but he's being supportive.

OP posts:
RandomNPC · 02/02/2015 16:45

Gender selection is wrong in my view, just wrong. I'm not going to flame you though. Might be an idea to talk through these issues with a professional perhaps?

KarmaViolet · 02/02/2015 16:45

I got the "every sperm is sacred" song in my head after reading Vivienne's post.

Alisvolatpropiis · 02/02/2015 16:47

Yanbu to talk about your feelings regarding gender.

I think maybe see you feel after having this baby though. You may find you actually don't want another child at all.

The ethics of gender selection make me very, very uncomfortable and it isn't somerhing I really agree with, if I am being honest.

Chippednailvarnish · 02/02/2015 16:47

Wtf is it with all the first time OPs posting contentious threads and then having them deleted!?

ourglass · 02/02/2015 16:49

They may not be first time OP's, could have name changed or set up a new account using a new email address. Frustrating I know.

loveandsmiles · 02/02/2015 16:50

I do understand how you maybe envisaged a mix of girls and boys for your family - I had a DD then a DS followed by 3 DDs and am now pregnant with my 6th (sex unknown!). At the end of the day though I just wished for a healthy baby and know how lucky I am. They all get along great (most of the time!) and the DD closest in age to my DS is football mad and a tomboy - they are all very different personalities and I wouldn't change them for the world.

I expect you are a bit hormonal but am sure you love your children very much and will love and cherish your new baby too. I personally wouldn't keep trying for a girl - you could have endless boys - enjoy what you have x

MarshaBrady · 02/02/2015 16:51

Vivienne's point re what happens next is a valid one.

KarmaViolet · 02/02/2015 16:53

FightorFlight yes, I know it's not the same, just that I can empathise with the "what ifs" that you get with gender while being hormonal and preggy. Smile

I think there's a lot of projection on this thread. Nowhere has the OP suggested that she's collecting kids or won't care for the one she's carrying, and it's pretty hateful to interpret it in that way. She's just said that having prepared herself for a girl, then found out they made a mistake and she's actually having a boy, she's wondering if a 5th child would be a possibility and if so whether she could control for gender. I don't think it's a crime to wonder about possibilities. Some responses seem to be holding her single-handedly responsible for female infanticide Confused

Idontseeanysontarans · 02/02/2015 16:55

Immature and sounding like she's collecting kinder egg toys...
What a wonderfully reasoned argument Hmm
I think the OP has issues regarding her illness after the birth of her daughter and need some professional help coming to terms with that - she may be just sounding out the options. I certainly don't feel sorry or angry for her other children - how silly!

MrsDeVere · 02/02/2015 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

curiousgeorgie · 02/02/2015 17:14

This thread is ridiculous.

OP, I don't see why you're getting such a hard time. And you've been measured and reasonable with all your responses in a nest of vipers so well done!

What is so wrong with what you want to do??!

Go for it. If I had the money, I would consider it.

grocklebox · 02/02/2015 17:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

pepperpigmustdie · 02/02/2015 17:45

Maybe because posters cant actually post what they would like to discuss with out torches being lit and mobs assembled, its getting ridiculous on here.

op I doubt your reading but if you still are, I would look in to it if its something you would like to do. IVF was outrage many moons ago.

Viviennemary · 02/02/2015 17:47

You've put it very well Grocklebox. Count your blessings is a phrase the OP doesn't seem to have heard of. This thread has really annoyed me.

pepperpigmustdie · 02/02/2015 17:50

grockel I don't see what wrong with it.

Many people said that ivf was an abomination and if you wasn't meant to have children, it wasn't meant to be. If we can choose to have scientific help to have children why can we have scientific help to decide gender?

pepperpigmustdie · 02/02/2015 17:52

'Count your blessings' ah my granny said that when I was going through IVF for dd2. Luckily I ignored her.

nemo81 · 02/02/2015 17:53

So many assumptions based on what wasn't said. I would say some of the replies are very unreasonable and quite rude tbh.

pepperpigmustdie · 02/02/2015 17:54

Also what if you were genetically likely to pass on a serious illness to one sex, would you have to stay childless and not choose to go for the sex that wouldn't be affected, just because 'it wasn't right'

betweenmarchandmay · 02/02/2015 17:56

YANBU.

I really did want a daughter after having a DS and I think if DD had been a boy, gender selection might have been something I toyed with, although whether I'd go through with it or not is another matter. The cost puts me off more than the process.

Sallystyle · 02/02/2015 18:05

Mumsnet at its worst again.

Some people are so spiteful I wonder if it makes them feel better to knock others down to this extreme.

I always wanted a girl and after having three boys I thought I was done and felt sad that I wouldn't have a girl. I ended up having two girls in the end!

I do think yab a bit u to think about going to great lengths for another girl, but the shit you have got here is disgusting and it says so much more about them than it does you.

Thanks OP.

jimmycrackcornbutidontcare · 02/02/2015 18:06

Just read the start of the thread. Responses are harsh. Of course, you are NOT being unreasonable wanting another little girl. You are just honest. And other people having no girls or no babies is nothing to do with your desire for another girl. I wouldn't go down the gender selection route though. Selecting one embryo over others seems very artificial and manipulative just to get a girl rather than a boy when there are no gender dependent illnesses in your family. You are not unreasonable for wanting a girl but would be if you started discarding boy embryos. Little boys are gorgeous.

hopingforamiracle · 02/02/2015 18:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

nemo81 · 02/02/2015 18:14

Animals breed. Annoys the hell out of me when people say that, mostly to large families. Have some bloody respect! If you have nothing nice to say button your hole and move on.

Sallystyle · 02/02/2015 18:16

Yeah, I was called a breeder once for having five children.

Stupid fucking thing to say.

Wadingthroughsoup · 02/02/2015 18:16

OP, you're not unreasonable to have those feelings. But I agree with PPs that some counselling or professional support would be useful to help you explore your feelings- particularly your feelings of guilt re the PND you had after your DD.

Personally, I am opposed to gender selection (unless for avoiding genetic conditions associated with one sex). You may decide you have no problem with it ethically, but now is certainly not a good time to be making a decision on that, IMO.

I have a friend who wanted 2 girls and 2 boys. She ended up with 3 boys and a girl. She was disappointed, initially, but came to terms with the situation as it was and feels complete now. (And obviously loves all four of her children very much).