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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MILs wedding day

255 replies

creampie · 26/01/2015 11:37

My MIL is getting remarried on a weekday afternoon. She has invited myself, DH, and our 2 DCs. I said my DH and I would attend but my DCs would be unlikely to get an authorised absence for this and so would just have to attend in the evening.

I had no idea whether or not the school would have authorised this or not, but I don't like the idea or taking them out willy-nilly and was hoping to keep attendance rates high in case we ever needed to take them out for some other unauthorised reason.

She's just phoned to say it's all fine, she's spoken to the school and they've authorised it. AIBU to be a bit Hmm about this?

OP posts:
diddl · 26/01/2015 11:38

Well you can still send them to school!

Wouls a school really authorise something on the say so of a GP?

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses · 26/01/2015 11:38

YANBU.

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi · 26/01/2015 11:40

YANBU

She had absolutely no right to speak to the school and the school were complelety out of order to discuss this with her and give her permission (if that is indeed what they did)

capsium · 26/01/2015 11:41

Check with the school. I'm not sure she would be able to do this.

Apart from that, even if this would be authorised, it is a completely valid choice to not have your children miss school. She is asking them to miss part of their education, which they are entitled to. Very assumptive.

However this is also your DH's choice. What does he think?

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 26/01/2015 11:41

YANBU, I'd be extremely pissed off with the school, they have no right to discuss your children with her and I'd be having strong words with them.

As for your MIL, YABU, she wants her grandchildren at her wedding which is understandable but she's gone about it all wrong. You probably were being a tad obstructive in that you weren't even going to ask the school.

SavoyCabbage · 26/01/2015 11:42

Surely she's just asked if they would authorise it!

My sister has had permission twice to attend weddings as its a catholic school and they said that they give permission for the dc to attend religious ceremonies.

MommyBird · 26/01/2015 11:43

I call bullshit.

At dds school you need to fill a form in, state why, dates and all sorts. Then it's discussed With whoever.

Nolim · 26/01/2015 11:46

A) she shoul not have called, but
B) if you did not want dc to attend you should not used the school policy as an excuse.
Did uou not want them to go for some abstract reason (in that case i think that grandmas wedding is more important) or something concrete (in that case explaining it would make grandma understand?)

Mixtape · 26/01/2015 11:46

So you are happy to take them out for other unauthorised leave but their own grandmother's wedding is "willy nilly"?!

SandStorm · 26/01/2015 11:49

It could be that she rang and asked hypothetically could children be taken out of school to attend a grandparent's wedding without naming any names.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 26/01/2015 11:50

Does she get married often? Because I'm really not sure what trumps grandma's wedding in the authorised absence request stakes Confused

It's one afternoon and unless the dc have GCSEs or A Levels that term I would take them out.

She probably called to ask a hypothetical "what if..." question which I think is absolutely fine in the context of you being a bit of a pain about this.

NickiFury · 26/01/2015 11:50

She shouldn't done that if it happened at all but I think you should at least try to tame them out for a grand parents wedding.

diddl · 26/01/2015 11:50

What do your husband & kids think about it?

Original poster
creampie · 26/01/2015 11:52

Ok, probably being a bit unfair. I haven't checked with the school whether or not they have actually authorised it or whether it was more a general enquiry.

I think if you get married on a weekday you accept children won't be there!

I was also looking forward to not having to keep them quiet during the ceremony. Her husband to be is unlikely to take kindly to any child based noise!

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheep · 26/01/2015 11:52

You won't let them miss one afternoon to attend their grandmothers wedding?!?????

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 26/01/2015 11:54

Ah yeah if she's called the school with a hypothetical "in this scenario would it be allowed" then no problem.

You're just pissed because you've been caught out lying. At least have the guts to say to her "sorry MIL, I don't consider your willy nilly wedding important enough to take the children out of school for".

Vycount · 26/01/2015 11:54

I think she's lying and that it's unlikely to be authorised if you wanted it to be. But the question you should be asking is why isn't it your choice (and your husband's) whether or not you want to take the children?

Hoppinggreen · 26/01/2015 11:54

I don't actually believe her.

capsium · 26/01/2015 11:56

Ah, just say that they are not likely to sit still at the ceremony, don't want to spoil it for her and think they'd be better suited to celebrating at the party then. Tell her that you and your DH would both like to be able to relax and watch DM get married. This makes sense to me.

MistressDeeCee · 26/01/2015 11:57

I doubt she really 'phoned the school

But even so, she's simply invited you all to her wedding. What would you have said if she DIDN't invite you...? That she was being off-key by leaving your DCs out?

Its a family wedding, hardly a regular occurrence. Id try to get time off so DCs could attend their own grandmother's wedding tbh but if you don't want to even ask (& it doesn't sound as if you do) then a simple clear calm explanation will do. Honestly - don't make a fuss especially over an occasion like this...its un-necessary.

IAmAllImportant · 26/01/2015 11:57

I don't think time off for their Grandmother's wedding is really 'willy nilly'. I can't really think of anything actually more important than that that I would want to take my DC out of school for and would need to ask permission for.

My own DC had a day off authorised last year for their big sister's wedding. As the HT said 'It is unlikely she will get married again, so, yes it is special enough'.

OllyBJolly · 26/01/2015 11:57

YABU. I think you are being VU by categorising a wedding as willy-nilly!

It's her wedding. It's a big, big day for her and likely to be a big day for her dgc. To be honest, if you had told me without checking I might have called the school to check on policy. I would not have asked for authorisation - that is a bit cheeky!

I got married last year and my SIL was told by DN's school that a family wedding was one of the rare occasions they would authorise absence.

PurpleStripedSock · 26/01/2015 11:58

She is bang out of order. I can't imagine a school giving the grandparent permission to remove the children from school without speaking to the parent first. What an odd situation. Send them to school. They can join the evening party later.

TSSDNCOP · 26/01/2015 11:59

Blimey she's got some minerals Grin

Whether she's fibbing or not she's snookered the OP who's now got to ask for time off.

MIL 1, OP 0

diddl · 26/01/2015 11:59

How has OP been caught out lying?

She said that it was unlikely.

MIL is the one who is likely lying as an attempt to make sure that her GC are at her wedding.

But it isn't her decision.