to ask how not to look a pathetic case when you've just been dumped?

[whothehellknows]

I can't remember being officially dumped since I was a teenager, and I'm taking it hard. It was a relationship that did need to change or end, but the way he did it felt cold and callous, and I don't feel like it left much room to "just be friends". We're co-workers, so I'm going to have to see the guy on a regular basis. And since he's friends with the "workplace gossip", everybody knew we were seeing each other and will now know that I've been chucked.

I know things will be fine in the long run, but at the moment I'm hurt and having to resist the urge to post passive aggressive facebook statuses (is that a word?) or pierce something or get a drastic haircut just to change the way I feel. It's like I've reverted to my dumped teenage self.

I have to see him at a team meeting (that I have to chair, so can't just sit quietly) and I need to resist the urge to cry or punch him in the face. How do I get through this with poise and dignity?

Oh I've been in your shoes. Just remember your own words 'it had to end or change' remember that if he can be a dick you had a lucky escape. Deep breath, head high it's his loss.

Don't date Co workers ?

I'm sorry you've been dumped but it sounds for the best. Would you feel better if you had been The Dumper ?

Try to just act as if you were never together while you're at work. Bright and breezy and natural.

Who cares about the office gossip? Any ones who thrives on someone else being dumped is very sad and not worth a second thought.

Sorry you were dumped though, it's shit x

*Anyone

It's a couple of years late for the "don't date co-workers" advice, but thanks. When you're upset, it's always useful to be reminded that you've brought it on yourself.

I would feel better if I had been the dumper. I did actually care for the guy and had hoped we could stay friends and still have a positive association with each other.

Lots of couples meet at work :) You didn't bring it on yourself...

I never said you brought it on yourself

It does make it more complicated when relationships break down though. Not least because you don't get to lick your wounds in private.

Sorry, things are just a little raw at the moment, so it's easy to take things personally.

What fluffyyears said.

Deep breath, head high. Brazen it out. This too will end.

Shoulders back, tits out, his loss. Then you can crumble in private.

If it wasnt good, then just remember its for the best. If anyone asks, just say "It was for the best"

patience has given you good advice on how to act at work

it's nobody's business but your own

think about your own self and sod everyone else....There will be something else to gossip about soon

is there someone you are friendly with who can stick a bit closer and help to divert any nosy questions ?

It would be too obvious to ring in sick for the meeting, wouldn't it?

Yeah, also it'll make people think your ashamed, why should you be ashamed.

Chairing the meeting is good! It gives you a focus and a distraction. And you have to front him quickly so you get it over with! See it as positive!

As for gossips... Well, there's not a lot to say. Boy meets girl. Boy and girl don't work out. Gossips like good gossip. Sorry to call your life dull but - they'll move on quickly! There's just no mileage. There'll be more interesting things tomorrow.

Take deep breaths love push on through!

Do not call in sick!!!

You are a professional!!!!

You can do this

Yes, it would be too obvious to ring in sick

you are a professional... I would expect you to act accordingly

And... As chair, don't forget to pass a shitty action no-one wants his way

Very shallow but...
go and get a blow dry and wear your fave outfit. It feels good to know you are looking good.
Sorry this has happened.

Op I've been in your shoes and it's horrid so I really feel for you. Especially the team meeting bit - I was quaking in my boots, but didn't let it show.
Keep your head high, heels even higher and be cheerful and happy. The more you look like you're bothered the more people will gossip. Give it a week of you being normal and they'll gossip about something else.
Good luck! It gets easier I promise and if it doesn't look for another job!

Ok, deep breaths. I suppose part of the reason I'm struggling to separate the emotional stuff from the meeting is that he messaged me about an hour before he dumped me (by phone) to ask if I could bring a couple of his bits that he left at mine to the meeting as he needed them.

It was only after he rang and dumped me that I realized he'd already cleared his stuff out of the bedroom and bathroom while I slept last time he was here, and was messaging me about the couple of bits he had forgotten to grab. He actually DTD, gathered his things while I slept and then rang me a couple days later to finish with me.

So I know at or immediately after the meeting he's going to want to collect these things from my car and return each other's keys, etc.

insist that personal stuff (handing over of keys etc) is done outside of work time

Getting a blowdry is a good idea, I could do with at least looking good even if I don't feel it.

Do I unfriend him on facebook or carry on as if I don't give a shit?

Agree with the poster who said chairing the meeting is a good thing, you can concentrate on the other members of staff, and when they react normally to you (and they will), it'll give you some confidence to deal with The Dumper. Even if they have heard the "gossip", most will privately feel for you. Everyone has had something like this happen at some point, and very few people will revel in it. I work in a very gossipy office!

And then when you've done it, either find a friend to share your achievement with or come back and tell us. Doing it is an achievement, you deserve to be proud of getting through it, just like if you were doing a job interview. I also recommend all those techniques they tell you about before a job interview, the breathing and suchlike.

Good luck, do it, feel proud that you have done it.

And then don't date any more colleagues! Although I'm hardly one to talk there...!

He'll just be waiting after the meeting to do it. It isn't like an office situation where we'll be on the premises all day, more like an away day so we're all driving to a place just for the meeting.

When is the meeting?
Take control.
Do not do the handover of stuff in that meeting!
If it's small stuff, dump it under his desk ASAP. If it's larger, you set the collection time.
You could just tell him to fuck off you know but as you work together I say do the handover quickly but on your timescale.
Do you trust him enough to give him your car keys? That way you can say "pick them up from my desk / drop back" so you're not stood by your car with him. Or putting in any effort.