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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how not to look a pathetic case when you've just been dumped?

240 replies

whothehellknows · 26/01/2015 08:23

I can't remember being officially dumped since I was a teenager, and I'm taking it hard. It was a relationship that did need to change or end, but the way he did it felt cold and callous, and I don't feel like it left much room to "just be friends". We're co-workers, so I'm going to have to see the guy on a regular basis. And since he's friends with the "workplace gossip", everybody knew we were seeing each other and will now know that I've been chucked.

I know things will be fine in the long run, but at the moment I'm hurt and having to resist the urge to post passive aggressive facebook statuses (is that a word?) or pierce something or get a drastic haircut just to change the way I feel. It's like I've reverted to my dumped teenage self.

I have to see him at a team meeting (that I have to chair, so can't just sit quietly) and I need to resist the urge to cry or punch him in the face. How do I get through this with poise and dignity?

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 26/01/2015 09:54

First of all, sorry about this situation. It sounds horrible. Thanks

YY unfriend and block on FB. Trust me you will only torture yourself with it otherwise.

YY to bright and breezy. Even if you feel shit, fake it till you make it. Act like your normal confident self.

And YY again to a blow dry. Anything to make you feel good and swishy. Put your most sassy shoes on - that always helps the confident act

Good luck. You can do it! We are all behind you

Cabrinha · 26/01/2015 09:55

An away day?
Fine, chuck him your car keys on a coffee break and tell him to take his stuff.
Tell him you need to get away straight from the meeting (because you have a date Grin) so you can't do it after.
Just text him "hi Arseface, I've got your shit in the boot. I'll be doing a flyer bang on x time as I'm going out with my mate tonight. So grab my keys from me at the coffee break and get the stuff".

Added benefit one less break not having to see his arse face.

BitOutOfPractice · 26/01/2015 09:55

Message him back and say "It is inapproprtaiet and unprofessional to hand personal stuff back to at work. I will drop it on your doorsetp on the way home" (or whatever).

BitOutOfPractice · 26/01/2015 09:56

Obviously don't include my typos Blush

wishmiplass · 26/01/2015 10:00

He sounds like a right fucking cock - DTD then cleared out his stuff while you were sleeping? That's just... just fucking wow.

It's not nice being dumped. It's even less nice when the person who has dumped you is a cock. However, you have the upper hand here. Deal with him professionally as you would have previously. Don't do any personal things during work time. Tell him he can wait until it's convenient for you to hand over his belongings - i.e. not at the away day.

I'd box up his remaining stuff, arrange to pop it over to his house with his keys out of work time and let that be the end of it.

As to work colleagues/gossip... as has been said, "it was for the best" needs to be your default response.

Flowers for you OP. x

Original poster
whothehellknows · 26/01/2015 10:00

Sassy shoes... I may need to visit a shoe shop in addition to a hairdresser...
My Tesco value boots ain't sassy.

OP posts:
Original poster
whothehellknows · 26/01/2015 10:03

Actually, he should be at the meeting venue before me because he is scheduled for supervision then. His house is on the way, so I could just shove the stuff outside his front door and post his key through the letterbox.

OP posts:
ahbollocks · 26/01/2015 10:03

What a cowardly douchebag! Agree get hair done, best clothes, maybe a new perfume and listen to beyonce 'irreplaceable' before leaving house. stick bottle of wine in fridge for as soon as you get home

BitOutOfPractice · 26/01/2015 10:03

Break out some going out shoes then.

chopinbabe · 26/01/2015 10:03

Imagine you're an actress and act as if you are really not bothered...not bothered enough to even look hurt or upset.

Yes, as another poster said it is shallow but I would take some care to look as good as I normally do: not ott though, in case anyone thought that I was trying to tempt him back.

Don't give him his stuff back when other co workers are around: you are not a side show.

echt · 26/01/2015 10:05

Be bold. Think Cleopatra on her barge of burnish'd gold.
Damn his eyes, fuck him and the horse he rode in on.
Be grand, professional.
He never happened. And he has a teeny tiny cock.
Don't change your appearance, but be the best self you usually are.

stealthsquiggle · 26/01/2015 10:07

New shoes (if practicable), walk tall, put on the act for the day, and do, if at all possible, arrange to go out with a friend or something else that you would enjoy immediately afterwards so that you have something to focus on. Basically you just have to play the role of unbothered confident woman for x hours - it doesn't have to be real.

stealthsquiggle · 26/01/2015 10:08

X post with chopinbabe. What she said Grin

ahbollocks · 26/01/2015 10:09

And if off ice gossip does push for anymore info just say 'well hes a great guy but he has some issues he has to work through I guess' and accidently flick your eyes to about crotch level. Grin

cardamomginger · 26/01/2015 10:14

So he decided he was going to end things, but still thought he'd get one last shag in?

Wanker. (Well, at least he's going to have to be for now....)

wishmiplass · 26/01/2015 10:16

That's what I'd do who. You've got to brazen it out and keep remembering that he fucked you whilst planning to leave. You have every right to be angry and upset about this. I'm all like urrgghh Angry fo you now. x

ToffeeCaramel · 26/01/2015 10:33

I like ahbollocks's suggestion Grin
If he doesn't want you he's not good enough for you.

Original poster
whothehellknows · 26/01/2015 10:38

OK, facebook sorted. I've rounded up the shit he's given me that I can't stand to look at anymore and boxed it for the charity shop. Need to clean the hell out of my house now and remove all traces of his presence.

At least the kids have taken it well. I was really worried because my oldest especially had grown attached to him, although I tried to take things very slowly and keep visits light and sporadic like I do with any of my other friends. That's what makes me really angry. He was here talking with them about art projects they wanted to work on together, knowing he wouldn't be back. Fucker. He's put me through so much in the last year, and then dumps me because my lone-parenting self didn't have "enough to give" at the end of the week having worked full time and cared for my kids.

OP posts:
RainbowRabbit33 · 26/01/2015 10:51

Yy to ahbollocks and your idea about dumping the stuff on his doorstep. Then if he approaches you on the day, you can be all superior and breezy about how you feel it's unprofessional to discuss at work and the stuff is at his.

He is a prize douche and I hope it rains on his crappy possessions.

wishmiplass · 26/01/2015 10:54

Don't charity shop it who. It's his stuff and that wouldn't be right. Just drop it off as planned, hope for rain and post his keys. You need to rise above it and do something horrible to him another time when the dust has settled as pay back for being such a wanker x

AnyFucker · 26/01/2015 10:56

Charity-shopping his stuff will create more drama

I thought you wanted minimal drama ? [consfused]

AnyFucker · 26/01/2015 10:56
Confused
stealthsquiggle · 26/01/2015 11:00

I think OP was suggesting charity shopping stuff he gave her, rather than his stuff, AF.

wishmiplass · 26/01/2015 11:01

I can kind of see why she's thinking this way Any - he appears to be something of a shit! Hopefully, she's just venting.

JessieMcJessie · 26/01/2015 11:02

She's not charity shopping his stuff, she's charity shopping the stuff he gave her.

As for his stuff, agree you should just dump at his door and maintain a professional distance at the away day.

Re talking to the kids about upcoming orojevts, I suppose it might have been a bit tricky for him to avoid the subject wjen he had decided to end the relationship but hadn't told you yet. However getting in one last shag after clearing out his stuff, and then dumping by phone? Cunt.

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