to ask how not to look a pathetic case when you've just been dumped?

[whothehellknows]

I can't remember being officially dumped since I was a teenager, and I'm taking it hard. It was a relationship that did need to change or end, but the way he did it felt cold and callous, and I don't feel like it left much room to "just be friends". We're co-workers, so I'm going to have to see the guy on a regular basis. And since he's friends with the "workplace gossip", everybody knew we were seeing each other and will now know that I've been chucked.

I know things will be fine in the long run, but at the moment I'm hurt and having to resist the urge to post passive aggressive facebook statuses (is that a word?) or pierce something or get a drastic haircut just to change the way I feel. It's like I've reverted to my dumped teenage self.

I have to see him at a team meeting (that I have to chair, so can't just sit quietly) and I need to resist the urge to cry or punch him in the face. How do I get through this with poise and dignity?

You want your key back from him, is that right? Then just be mature about things, hand him your car key to collect his stuff from the boot as it can then go straight into his car and get your key back when he gives you the car key back.

If you do anything else it just looks petty and childish. Keep the moral high ground and no histrionics or unnecessary drama.

OP, you sound awesome. You've dealt with this with grace and a sense of humour, though I fear it has felt anything but funny. To be honest, I read this thread and think - well, his loss really.

No, no! I'm giving him back his stuff! It's the stuff he's given me over the past couple years that I don't really want in my house anymore. Jewellery and ornaments & stuff.

I could give him back all the gifts he's given me, but that seemed like it would be a bit passive aggressive.

Sorry - misread that who - do what you feel is best in that case (although I do now regret chucking some of the things given to me over the years because I've actually lost out on some nice stuff IYSWIM).

Not too fussed if he gives back my key-- Locks can be changed. I'm a little surprised he didn't leave it behind when he cleared his stuff out.

Lay all the ornaments out in front of you at the meeting that you're chairing in a really weird stalker-y way (if that's poss?) making sure, of course, you're wearing everthing he ever gave you too x

ah, sorry my mistake x

Is it worth anything? Sell it!

Is it like this?

wish That would be properly creepy. Then I could include a lock of my hair with his stuff when I return it.

I don't think any of it is worth anything... What's the going rate for a crystal ball?

Depends if it works. Given that you didn't see this coming, I guess not...

A quick look at ebay reveals...not worth a lot!

That did make me giggle. It's a huge heavy thing as well, I don't know how or why I ended up with it.

He has behaved appallingly. He had sex with you and then, whilst you slept, he cleared everything out? That is disgraceful.

I would have to say something to him about that, and, tbh, I wouldn't care who heard me.

Just wanted to say this guy sounds a proper bell end. Really.

Chair the meeting with total professionalism. As pp has said, imagine you're an actress. DO NOT allow him to see that he's got to you.

I know it's easy for us to say, but someone who is capable of lying to your children and sleeping with you whilst planning his exit, is a true shit. Now you can stop wasting your precious energy on him.

Shit. He just messsaged me to ask why I removed him from my facebook.

He needs to ask? Really? I wouldn't dignify that with a response, IIWY.

ignore

Warning OP. The manipulation starts.

Why the fuck does he think you've removed him?!

He's trouble. I would ignore message BUT not ignore him at work. Take the high road in both environments.

A crystal ball is worth £££ if it's an antique - don't be too hasty!

Practice an enigmatic half-smile in front of the mirror and a few 'drop-in' lines for conversations. Remember that the first encounter is almost always the worst - after that, the sailing is much easier.

Good luck.

He gave you a Crystal Ball, then DTD, cleared his stuff and slunk off?

You are SO MUCH better off without this charmer?

(really vile, btw, to plan stuff with the kids knowing he wouldn't be there!)

Ignore. No answer is the best answer.

It's the best answer because:

1. it minimises the drama
2. you retain your dignity
3. it will drive him bonkers - a bonus

Just ignore ignore ignore

He really does think he's something doesn't he?

....He just messsaged me to ask why I removed him from my facebook....

Hah! He's playing games with you. (And you didn't read his script - you're supposed to be yearning for him despite the way he's treated your family. )

Ignore him from now on on any matters that aren't strictly work-related.

In his mind, he is probably puzzled because he thinks you have no reason to be upset with anything he's done. Does he have any difficulty understanding basic human emotion, op? my husband does

stealth

who just ignore the text - he's playing stupid.

If this was another mner, what advice would you give?