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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how not to look a pathetic case when you've just been dumped?

240 replies

whothehellknows · 26/01/2015 08:23

I can't remember being officially dumped since I was a teenager, and I'm taking it hard. It was a relationship that did need to change or end, but the way he did it felt cold and callous, and I don't feel like it left much room to "just be friends". We're co-workers, so I'm going to have to see the guy on a regular basis. And since he's friends with the "workplace gossip", everybody knew we were seeing each other and will now know that I've been chucked.

I know things will be fine in the long run, but at the moment I'm hurt and having to resist the urge to post passive aggressive facebook statuses (is that a word?) or pierce something or get a drastic haircut just to change the way I feel. It's like I've reverted to my dumped teenage self.

I have to see him at a team meeting (that I have to chair, so can't just sit quietly) and I need to resist the urge to cry or punch him in the face. How do I get through this with poise and dignity?

OP posts:
PlumpingUpPartridge · 30/01/2015 16:15

Oh my god!!

OP, next time that happens you need to tell your pharmacist to ring your GP and get them to fax over an emergency prescription to the pharmacy. It's been done for me (admittedly in central London so maybe a bit more au fait with medication-less travellers) and so they should be able to do it for you too. I only waited 20 minutes and then I had my lovely drugs again.

On the plus side, it's good that you haven't been missing him Grin

Original poster
whothehellknows · 30/01/2015 16:46

I know, it was ridiculous. I am in a rural area, but they just looked at me totally blankly, like they couldn't imagine how being without the meds would be a problem. By the time I had sorted work and childcare, I was already too far gone to get an emergency prescription for a different chemist, let alone drive there. So I had to wait at home until the local one could re-stock the drugs and bring them out... (I may have threatened to vomit in the pharmacy so that they would deliver.)

But it worked a treat, as far as distracting me.

OP posts:
Original poster
whothehellknows · 02/02/2015 21:26

You guys were right. He messaged to apologize for his behaviour, He messaged to say he misssed me. I think he was waiting for me to say "Oh, no worries, let's start fresh"

But I can't, can I? You can't just take back somebody who said you aren't enough for them.

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 02/02/2015 21:29

No. You can't.

He's playing you - 'Reel them in and then let them out again. Reel them in and then .............'

Trills · 02/02/2015 21:35

Nooooooooo, you cannot.

And more importantly, you DO NOT WANT TO.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 02/02/2015 21:43

No, you can do better than him - he's trying to "train" you up to accept his crap. You and your dc don't need that crap in your lives.

Channelling Chandler: " you are a strong confident woman! " Smile

PlumpingUpPartridge · 02/02/2015 21:48

Agree with him that it is all terribly sad, but that breaking up was and IS the right thing to do. Tell him that he was right, you weren't that happy together and that you now realise how it wasn't working for EITHER of you.

He'll hate that Grin

On a serious note, if you believe any of his shit and actually reconsider his presence in your life then one of us will come over there and tip a bucket of fish heads over you.

cozietoesie · 02/02/2015 22:00

At the risk of repeating myself.

.....He was here talking with them about art projects they wanted to work on together, knowing he wouldn't be back. Fucker. He's put me through so much in the last year, and then dumps me because my lone-parenting self didn't have "enough to give" at the end of the week having worked full time and cared for my kids......

So think back to what exactly it was that he's put you through in the last year (?) and remember that his leaving was a cold and calculated act which not only savaged you but also the DCs.

So his pride is hurting because you're not squealing about things?

Tough.

Original poster
whothehellknows · 02/02/2015 22:12

What's really sad is that if he had come after me when I was clearly upset after the meeting, I probably would have had him back just to stop feeling so awful.

But he's waited until HE feels the pinch to apologize. He'll have missed seeing the kids at the weekend and having the company that he said wasn't enough for him. That's what made him reconsider.

OP posts:
PlumpingUpPartridge · 02/02/2015 22:15

Well, it's good that you have noticed that op - it will make it that much easier to tell him to fuck off.

Seriously, please do tell him to fuck off.

cozietoesie · 02/02/2015 22:19

You migt have had him back, I suppose, but it wouldn't have lasted would it? There's no trust left there - and you have the DCs' emotional well-being to consider also.

You're actually a very strong woman to have done what you did in a situation of great distress. He, on the other hand, is weak and full of vanity.

You'll enjoy having him out of your life. Smile

Original poster
whothehellknows · 02/02/2015 22:50

It's true, there's been a lot more boogie going on in the house this week!

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 03/02/2015 12:45

Good. Smile You deserve some lightness in your life after all this.

CruCru · 03/02/2015 17:48

I like PlumpingUp's response.

CruCru · 03/02/2015 17:49

You will find that you are so much happier without this loser.

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