AIBU for not making my child do homework...

[80schild]

So a little bit of history: DS1 is a bit forgetful and always has been. He is now in year 1 at school and as the school keep on reminding me they are trying to help him to become more independent. They get homework on a Wednesday and it is due in on Monday.

Over the past 3 weeks DS a pattern has formed like this.

Get homework on Wednesday: DS forgets school bag - he has after school club and we are not allowed back in the classroom.

Thursday: - He forgets the school bag again. I remind him he has to bring it home. I ask the teacher to remind him to bring it home. She says we are encouraging them to be independent and he will bring it home by Friday.

Friday: - The school bag is still at school. I can't get back into the classroom because they don't let parents in the classroom on a Friday after school.

Monday: Homework is due in. I make him do it, in a blind panic on Monday afternoon amid lots of kicking and screaming just so it looks like I have tried even if it is a day late.

After week 1 I spoke to the teacher and told she needs to give him a bit more support as I felt their tactics were't working. I have done my bit by approaching the teacher and talking to her about it. Now I feel it is her choice - if she asks on Monday where his homework is, I shall say "you have a choice an independent child or a child who has done his homework".

YABU. I'm sorry 80schild but after your recent post you have swung me right over to Sazzles way of thinking about this situation.

You have a 5 year old son who regularly forgets bits and pieces of homework/school bag etc and your suggestion is to get the teacher (who probably has 29 or so other pupils to work with too) to go through and check that every pupil has all their belongings with them. I don't think so. That would just take too long at the end of the day and it really is up to each child to look after their belongings and make sure that if they have been assigned homework that the work is brought home and done at home.

Your opening comment: "you have a choice an independent child or a child who has done his homework". is not a progressive or positive one. It's one from someone who later on in their own thread admits to being a bit scatterbrained and who don't want their child to grow up like that. Well, the only way that will stop is if you make the effort to stop it yourself. Empower yourself and if that means making a phone call to the school to ask if your son has all his belongings and homework in his bag before he leaves school, not at the after-school club time. That's too late as you've already said that you can't get back into the classroom.
An alternative would be to request the Wednesday homework on Thursday morning from the school as you're leaving your son in for the day. Then you have it with you and it gets done on Thursday evening.
Another alternative is to get your own copies of the books they use in class for using at home and these versions stay at home and your son doesn't have to bring the books home at all? All of these would be managed by you though, if you wanted to.

You could also have consequences if your DS doesn't bring home the homework as assigned by the teacher as the majority of the other pupils don't seem to have issues doing it so if your DS forgets to bring it home, then he doesn't get time watching tv or playing with friends or whatever method would work for you. He has to learn that he is being given responsibility and if he doesn't do what he is asked (both by the teacher and by you) there will be consequences to that.

Teachers time is very often stretched to the maximum and they simply don't have the time to do what it is you're asking this one to do. I may be speaking out of turn here and apologies if I am but perhaps your teacher doesn't know how to tell you that what you're asking just isn't possible for them to do for your child. Think then if another parent began asking for another thing, which thing gets done first? Yours for your son or theirs? Then another parent makes a suggestion and wants that done in class too...when does it end?

Sorry this is so long but I think you have to step up and try and exhaust all avenues on solving this from home before you'd approach the school and ask them to sort it out for you, and that's not coming across in your posts (so far anyway).

"Empower yourself and if that means making a phone call to the school to ask if your son has all his belongings and homework in his bag before he leaves school"

I would love to see the faces of the reception staff if a parent rang up and asked them to make sure their child had their books with them! That would be very amusing!

The OP points out the lack of bag on Thursday when her DS comes out of school without it and gets told not to worry, he'll bring it by Friday as they like to encourage independence. I do not see how phoning the school or asking for it on Thrusday morning is different from her asking on Thursday after school. And having the books at home is no good if you don't know what the homework actually is.

BoomBoomsCousin that is your interpretation of what it implies. However, it isn't mine.

TBH, the smug sounding nature of the comment lost any of my sympathy.

When you send him back in for his book bag when he brings it out, check it has his homework in, if it doesn't then he goes back in. It's very simple, yabvvvvvvvu.
And what the fuck has you being bored with the conversation have to do with his homework?

What consequences do the school impose if he doesn't do his homework? It's fine for them to say they're teaching him independence, but for him, if they don't follow through with a negative consequence for him not doing his homework eg. Making him do it at playtime or whatever then he will feel that he's got away with it.

Have to say that my Ds was disorganised like this and it has taken until quite recently for him to have all the right things, in the right place at the right time. You can't give up on working at it, you just have to keep going and he will get there in the end.

For those smug people out there who think it is just laziness to be absent minded; it is not. Just as some people find maths or English harder than others, some people find organising themselves challenging. Would you suggest that a dyslexic child should pull themselves together and just learn to read? I hope not, so have a bit more empathy.

Tattoo it on his hand: "take your bag home"

Or put on his forehead: " I can't be bothered to remember one thing. Please hold my hand, and my mom's too."

Soup but, as you've pointed out, your interpretation makes no sense because no one has to be bored to do homework. So why would you interpret it that way? That's just reading in bad faith.

"When you send him back in for his book bag when he brings it out, check it has his homework in, if it doesn't then he goes back in. It's very simple, yabvvvvvvvu."

OP doesn't pick him up to check the book bag, except on Fridays when it seems that she and DS aren't allowed back in.

That's my understanding, anyway.

yonic rtft
She waits till she is home to check, her ds is taking the mickey....
And I did not answer the 1,000 people who asked why don't I send him back for his bag. On the two days when he can get back into classroom I have sent him back. He comes back with the bag and I think we can go and when I check at home the homework sheet is gone out of the bag. Two weeks in a row this has happened and he is clearly working on his homework avoidance techniques.

Its sad OP twisted my words, i didnt say you were neglecting him, i said that you were using excuses like the whole village raises a child because a) you sadly dont see all the life skills homework can give your child as you said you dont see it as unimportant - which means to me you arent bothered and will be passing that subliminal message to him re education and homework b)its sad that you think its ok to be so blaming and aggressive and confrontational re your planned comment to the teacher. She cant micromanage every child in a class of 30 when her main function is academic not the basic life skills.

I would still flag such a comment in the staff room because as my Head used to say, 'keep me in the loop with tricky parents as i dont want to be unaware why its all kicked off if things blow up and i might be able to help in preventing things escalating or suggesting solutions to prevent those kind of situations'.