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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for not making my child do homework...

211 replies

80schild · 23/01/2015 19:00

So a little bit of history: DS1 is a bit forgetful and always has been. He is now in year 1 at school and as the school keep on reminding me they are trying to help him to become more independent. They get homework on a Wednesday and it is due in on Monday.

Over the past 3 weeks DS a pattern has formed like this.

Get homework on Wednesday: DS forgets school bag - he has after school club and we are not allowed back in the classroom.

Thursday: - He forgets the school bag again. I remind him he has to bring it home. I ask the teacher to remind him to bring it home. She says we are encouraging them to be independent and he will bring it home by Friday.

Friday: - The school bag is still at school. I can't get back into the classroom because they don't let parents in the classroom on a Friday after school.

Monday: Homework is due in. I make him do it, in a blind panic on Monday afternoon amid lots of kicking and screaming just so it looks like I have tried even if it is a day late.

After week 1 I spoke to the teacher and told she needs to give him a bit more support as I felt their tactics were't working. I have done my bit by approaching the teacher and talking to her about it. Now I feel it is her choice - if she asks on Monday where his homework is, I shall say "you have a choice an independent child or a child who has done his homework".

OP posts:
cricketballs · 23/01/2015 20:32

Are you going to do the same in secondary between? If you have agreed to your DC starting at a particular school and they certain rules/expectations in place - why do you think that your DC is so special that they don't have to do it? If homework is the expectation of every child in that class, then op your child should be doing it which means you take a proactive approach to making sure he has his homework to complete it is not up to the teacher

Quitethewoodsman · 23/01/2015 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PopularNamesInclude · 23/01/2015 20:37

Why would a parent have the same approach in secondary that they have in y1 of primary? That makes no sense. A 5 year old is nothing whatsoever like a 12 year old.

ItsAllKickingOffPru · 23/01/2015 20:38

You don't personally have to go in the classroom to collect the bag. Ask the member of staff who releases the children to the parents/carers to allow him to go back in or get it themselves.

tinklykeys · 23/01/2015 20:41

But the teacher said the bookbag would be home by Friday. It wasn't. The op wasn't allowed back in the classroom to get it. Some of you make it sound like she's just been sitting around on her arse going 'tut tut little Johnny, no homework bag again? Oh well...'

I don't see how she can possibly be unreasonable when she has spoken to the teacher who assured her the bookbag would be home on Friday and its not. Surely the teacher could have checked on this one occasion??

For the OP to send her son on Monday with no homework is fully supporting the school's policy for independence...

PopularNamesInclude · 23/01/2015 20:41

Noted, quite! But her problem is not with him doing the homework. It is with the homework making it home. The school hsve made a choice to foster independence. The op would not be supporting that if she chased down the homework herself.

tinklykeys · 23/01/2015 20:44

I suppose an important question is is the OP there when the children are released each day? If it is always after school club I think she can expect a bit of help from the teacher. If not, just send him back to get it.

betweenmarchandmay · 23/01/2015 20:46

I think homework is a daft waste of time and I am an erstwhile teacher.

In secondary my child will be 11 and able to make his own decisions but at 5 I am not getting wound up and miserable because of some stupid piece of work that is ultimately meaningless.

OmnipotentQueenOfTheUniverse · 23/01/2015 20:58

Bloody hell.

"Where's your bookbag?"
"I left it behind"
"Go back and fetch it"

FGS is this serious?

Talk about a total abdication of responsibility.

OmnipotentQueenOfTheUniverse · 23/01/2015 20:59

Of course OP isn't allowed into classroom. They can't have loads of people wandering in and out of the school at hometime it's be chaos.

Boggled by the attitudes of some people on here.

LingDiLong · 23/01/2015 21:01

Will the teacher really ask you where it is though OP? If they're fostering independence then surely they ask your son and he deals with any fall out from not having it? In my kids school they start making the kids accountable for no homework/PE kit in year 3+. They have a 3 strike system and then they end up facing various consequences.

I don't think YABU to expect the teacher to work with you a bit though - not at age 5. Year 1 does seem very young to be pushing for that level of independence. Surely they can just shove all the remaining homework bags in a box by the classroom door on a Friday for parents to collect if they still haven't had them? Then reward those who didn't end up with their bags in the box because they remembered independently? All this hysteria about asking teachers to do any tiny little thing above and beyond teaching...I rarely bother my kid's teachers with anything but I'd expect a little bit of help with something like this if the teacher felt the homework was important.

speakingdoge · 23/01/2015 21:04

I do have to question exactly how many times a child needs to be reminded to bring a fucking bag back from school?

Can you start putting sanctions on yourself OP? Like - if you don't bring back your bag from school, then you aren't allowed to watch television/eat sweets/play your games.

I'm sure his memory will somewhat improve if forgetting to do something suddenly has unpleasant and immediate consequences for him?

Quitelikely · 23/01/2015 21:04

Fgs! Ask him to bring his bag if you see he doesn't have it! Your son, your responsibility......

tomandizzymum · 23/01/2015 21:06

Teacher might be encouraging them to be independent but clearly his/her method is not working. Flogging a dead horse. Arrange a meeting and point out that repetition helps learning at this age. If she reminds him to get his bag he will eventually remind himself and hey presto! Independence and no more homework stress. Win win

Biscuitsneeded · 23/01/2015 21:08

I hope those of you who are judging never have a child like mine! While I am at work educating other people's children, my own is spectacularly awful at remembering to bring home his homework. He goes to after-school club, so he isn't coming out to an adult who can remind him to pack homework in a book bag. I don't blame the teacher; she's on her own with 30 children - how can she possibly go round every child checking they have their homework? On other days DS is picked up by a baby sitter; she checks his book bag for the right books but often Ds doesn't even manage to get hold of the appropriate piece of paper and stick it in the book. So I often have to phone friends who then dictate the homework, or scan it and email it to me, and we bust a gut to get it done, whereupon DS forgets to hand it in, or isn't listening when it's asked for, so all our effort is in vain and it goes unmarked. Or we do the sodding homework only for him to lose the bookbag in the playground or at breakfast club. It gets found again eventually but too late for the homework to be marked. DS reads very well and I make a point of reading to him regularly, but beyond that, I wish all homework for primary kids could be scrapped. It's just a huge source of stress for working parents of disorganised kids. I have repeatedly suggested that my kids' school should adopt a system whereby HW is put online so that parents can access it, but so far no joy, so DS' homework record remains patchy and inconsistent. The OP has my sympathy.

changeshow · 23/01/2015 21:11

Monday: Homework is due in. I make him do it, in a blind panic on Monday afternoon amid lots of kicking and screaming just so it looks like I have tried even if it is a day late.

why? Just don't do it. What difference will it make? Why set hw up to be a fight in Y1? There is a long way to go yet. Be chilled about it and see what happens. Mummy and the teacher reminding the child to remember stuff won't help him. He needs to remember. And at this point he's correctly realised he's got 10 years before it matters. I would chill out. Life is hard enough without arguing about pointless stuff like Y1 hw.

Biscuitsneeded · 23/01/2015 21:11

And by the way all those people suggesting it's as simple as being at the school gates to say "Where's your book bag? Go back and get it" clearly have the luxury of not having to work for a living. We can't all be SAHMs, you know.

Iggi999 · 23/01/2015 21:14

Thing is though, if there is no opportunity to practise organisational skills in primary, you're just postponing the problem until secondary, when not bringing the right stuff to/from school will impact on their learning significantly.

Brandysnapper · 23/01/2015 21:15

Biscuits, I hope you've got a hard hat at the ready! Grin

ProveMeWrong · 23/01/2015 21:21

My sympathies Biscuits, I can feel the grief in your post!

PopularNamesInclude · 23/01/2015 21:24

I feel your pain, Biscuits. It's not easy.

gointothewoods · 23/01/2015 21:24

I'm not in the uk so not 100% sure what age a Yr 1 child is but I gather we're talking a 5-6 yr old?
Surely the teacher would notice if a child was leaving without their bag? And whoever is picking them up? In our school children that age are lined up and allowed to leave only when their minder/ parent is visible. So both teacher and collector can see if child has their belongings with them.
I think YABU but I can't see how the teacher would not send the child back to the classroom to get their schoolbag either..

redrubyindigo · 23/01/2015 21:24

This thread sums up why I gave up teaching. I didn't sign up to be a foster carer/mother/father/social worker and Samaritan.

OP get a bloody grip on your child.

stitch10yearson · 23/01/2015 21:24

and what consequences are you setting your child for failing to do his homework?
yabvu

betweenmarchandmay · 23/01/2015 21:25

Terrible consequences I am sure but none I give two hoots about.