AIBU for not making my child do homework...

[80schild]

So a little bit of history: DS1 is a bit forgetful and always has been. He is now in year 1 at school and as the school keep on reminding me they are trying to help him to become more independent. They get homework on a Wednesday and it is due in on Monday.

Over the past 3 weeks DS a pattern has formed like this.

Get homework on Wednesday: DS forgets school bag - he has after school club and we are not allowed back in the classroom.

Thursday: - He forgets the school bag again. I remind him he has to bring it home. I ask the teacher to remind him to bring it home. She says we are encouraging them to be independent and he will bring it home by Friday.

Friday: - The school bag is still at school. I can't get back into the classroom because they don't let parents in the classroom on a Friday after school.

Monday: Homework is due in. I make him do it, in a blind panic on Monday afternoon amid lots of kicking and screaming just so it looks like I have tried even if it is a day late.

After week 1 I spoke to the teacher and told she needs to give him a bit more support as I felt their tactics were't working. I have done my bit by approaching the teacher and talking to her about it. Now I feel it is her choice - if she asks on Monday where his homework is, I shall say "you have a choice an independent child or a child who has done his homework".

My sons the same age and goes to afterschool and is incredibly forgetful (and would happily leave his hw in school). His teacher lines the whole class up at home time on a Monday and makes sure each of them has their homework bag - big see though plastic bag. Then dispatches them to parents or afterschools. She said half the class would forget their bags otherwise

Yanbu homework at primary level has no proven benefits.

it is not bloody difficult to make adjustments for children who need extra support ffs, whether it is home school communication books, or scaffolding them to independence... or fastening a coat or reminding little jonny to go to the toilet.. it is what early years teachers do.

It is interesting that people are assuming I am sitting on my backside doing nothing about this. I understand he is my child / my responsibility - I gave birth to him and on all counts he is doing just fine except for this one area of his life where he does need more support.

I get on really well with his class teacher and she definitely does not see me as a reason to give up teaching, as some have suggested.

The first time it happened I spoke to his teacher about it and asked her to remind him to bring it home. Now I do believe, when he is at school it most definitely is the teacher's responsibility to remind him to bring his book bag home and to check his homework is in the bag.

My issue is completely with the fact that I feel he is not being given the support he needs at school to remember what he needs and if he isn't how important is it that it gets done. It is not just about the book bag either - he frequently comes home with half a PE kit, and I cat remember the last time his reading record was updated. When I look at him, he is not learning responsibility as the teacher wanted him to and her teaching methods in this regard, just don't suit him.

I also guess most people are right - I don't see homework as being that important at age 5. I am sure the reason why schools started to set homework was because parents weren't interacting enough with their children and it was intended to encourage parents to do this. I am a SAH and we do loads of educational things together. DS is not behind at school and is actually above average in most areas.

I am sorry but a a parent its your responsibility to organise him until he learns to organise himself. As soon as he gets outside the classroom you ask where the bag is and its retrieved that instant before you leave the premises. Being organised and doing things we dont much like but are necessary - homework etc - are part of life, so learning to organise and do such tasks is an important life skill he needs to learn. You are doing him a dis-service offloading it on to his teacher and just him. Why are parents these days so reluctant to teach even basic life skills ? I am an ex teacher and i found it infuriating at the time. I even got lectured that i wasnt 'teaching morals' by a 'devout christian' mother who had done a runner from her vicar husband to shack up with her toy boy partner. That one caused much hilarity in the Staff room. Parents.... the bane of teacher's life.

I have a son like yours, OP. His teachers and I have worked out strategies and they are slowly making a difference. He's 8 now, and slowly getting there. Over time he's needed less support.

some children need extra support with reading, or social skills. Organisational skills are no different, IMO.

Yes Misfit the teacher could tell them, examine each child in detail for bookbag, water bottle, lunch box, jumper etc etc, but that is not going to encourage their independence.

I disagree, because repetition of a task, and helping those children get into a routine so that it becomes second nature, is helping them to become more independent, I think.

And anyway, I wasn't suggesting anything like that, just as part of the going home routine, that the teacher says something like "Time to get your coats and bookbags...now, has everyone got their coats on, and their bookbags? Then line up."

Like PP said, setting them up to forget, and then punishing them seems....weird! It's a partnership, surely. How would the teachers feel, if the pupils repeatedly turned up in their pyjamas, two hours late, because their parents were teaching their DCs to be independent, and so hadn't said "Time to get up and get dressed, ready for school!"

Obviously I exaggerate, but by point is, school life would be a lot less smooth if we didn't remind our DCs to do things, reminding pupils to get their book bags - really? It's just facilitating their independence, and enabling them to do their HW.

Parents in our school even have to send out reminder texts to parents! We all got texts the other day reminding us that forms and money for the next school trip were due in and some parents have forgotten to hand them in.

It would be interesting to know if that happens in OPs school!

No, sorry - meant that the secretary sends texts home reminding parents that forms & money for school trips need paying/reminding us to send in cakes for the cake sale, and then money to buy the cakes back .

School is always reminding us useless parents about things, so I'd be severely pissed off if the teacher couldn't be bothered to remind the class to get their book bags on the way out of the door.

OP, on a Friday, would he be allowed back in the classroom even if you couldn't go with him?

Otherwise, do you know any other parents in the class who could email you a picture of the homework sheet,

yanbu. Why can't you go back into the classroom to pick up the bag after school? As in why won't they let you? Y1 is far too young to be expecting this!

YANBU. If he is repeatedly showing that he needs more help he needs more help.

Equally, if it was clear that he couldn't do a maths problem because he was completely confused you wouldn't just refuse to help because he needed to be more independent.

I work FT and my 5 year old knows she has to bring her book bag home every day. Whoever picks her up would send her back to get it if she ever left it. She never has. She has left other things in her locker and is sent back in to get it

5 year olds are different - so strange that, isn't it?

Homework for six year olds? If it is more than learning spellings or paired reading, I'd say screw it. If the teacher hasn't taught it between 9 and 3 it probably isn't that important.

Who picks him up, and where? And who is supervising the after school club?

I'm a KS1 teacher and I think YANBU. It's part of the routine to remind chn to make sure they have collected everything: their book bags, coats, hats, scarves, gloves, jumpers, water bottles, lunch boxes. There are children who routinely forget their things so it's my job to check that those children have everything. Independence comes with routine but it takes some children longer than others.

Also, in some schools parents/careers can collect them from the door in the classroom and in others they have to line up outside and parents aren't allowed in without a TA/teacher.

Class of 30 5/6 year olds. Teacher says, coats and bags, line up. 10 mins later, a line of 30 kids, some with coats, some with bags, some with neither etc. Our children have book bags and backpacks. Their parents are waiting outside. Can we really check 30 bags to check book bag is in it, and homework in that?
It is said every day, do 30 children hear it? No, some children do need personal reminder. However, logistically, how much teaching time each day can be spent on this? Packing up time can be mayhem. Ideally it wouldn't be, but this is real life.
If anyone can provide a routine which could avoid any children forgetting anything, I would be forever grateful.
(However, we do allow parents free access if item is noticed to be missing.)

HaHaHa and every one bangs on how they want to follow the Asian model for teaching.. My daughter is 6/7 and has about 30 to 60 mins h/w a day.

mary I would say yes to your question. I can't quote studies or anything but in my experience the parents who engage with their children and help them to secure their knowledge through carefully planned homework help them to achieve better.

I have seen lots of children who have no support at home and who don't quite reach their potential despite all the effort we put in at school.

Homework doesn't always have to be written, we send home ideas for games, taking photos, finding things to bring in etc. anything that helps to reinforce what we do in school.

There is a huge difference between parents who don't support their child and parents who think the time at home is better used elsewhere.

80s, it is your responsibility to make sure your child is able to listen and follow instructions. Your child's teacher absolutely does not have the time to check that every single child has all of his/her things. Surely the person picking him up should be handling this? Ie sending him back in until he comes back with everything he ought to have with him.

That said, some children are utterly hopeless in the organisational dept. DS was appalling until, well, now, really (he's 21yo), whilst DD1 was ultra-organised from her earliest time at school (now 19 and doing a medical degree). DD2 has learned to be organised through sec school. DD3 seems to be a mix of DD1 and DD2.

I agree march. But some parents don't know how to support their children in other ways so homework can be useful to show them what they can do to help.

The problem with that is that the overwhelming cry on this thread - disappointingly primarily from teachers has been that - you are the parent, it is your responsibility, your child.

I personally think that is a silly stance to take but if we recognise it, then we accept that the teacher role stops at 3:30 (or whenever) and the parent role takes over.

More damaging however is that by making homework something children have to do it is a cause of stress for child and sometimes parent, which is why I have never made DS complete homework. He generally does do it, I have to say, but it's his choice.

There are far better ways of reaching out to parents than by setting work which must be completed. The problem with homework is that so many people see it as something children 'should' be doing and don't think to question 'why'?

Our school is big on homework. Our school is big on independence.
Both in Year 1.

I disagree with both. Year 2 or 3 independence fine.
I don't believe primary school children should do homework. At ALL.
Reading every night I will always agree with.
But homework? No.

Apparently our school gives it because they think parents want it.
Really? That is what they think patents want? Frightening.

I detest compulsory homework as well. Making pirate ships and how the telephone was invented.
Oh purlease.
I think apart from reading, children should be out playing, and riding their bikes.

I hate it all. With a passion.