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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for not making my child do homework...

211 replies

80schild · 23/01/2015 19:00

So a little bit of history: DS1 is a bit forgetful and always has been. He is now in year 1 at school and as the school keep on reminding me they are trying to help him to become more independent. They get homework on a Wednesday and it is due in on Monday.

Over the past 3 weeks DS a pattern has formed like this.

Get homework on Wednesday: DS forgets school bag - he has after school club and we are not allowed back in the classroom.

Thursday: - He forgets the school bag again. I remind him he has to bring it home. I ask the teacher to remind him to bring it home. She says we are encouraging them to be independent and he will bring it home by Friday.

Friday: - The school bag is still at school. I can't get back into the classroom because they don't let parents in the classroom on a Friday after school.

Monday: Homework is due in. I make him do it, in a blind panic on Monday afternoon amid lots of kicking and screaming just so it looks like I have tried even if it is a day late.

After week 1 I spoke to the teacher and told she needs to give him a bit more support as I felt their tactics were't working. I have done my bit by approaching the teacher and talking to her about it. Now I feel it is her choice - if she asks on Monday where his homework is, I shall say "you have a choice an independent child or a child who has done his homework".

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 25/01/2015 08:32

Why not make a suggestion that homework is put onto the school website? It is already typed up so putting a copy on the website is not beyond them. I guarantee that it is not just your child that has this issue.

YonicScrewdriver · 25/01/2015 09:37

"He is playing you, OP. You need to nip this in the bud, now."

He's a five year old child who is generally a bit forgetful, he's not Captain Evil.

YonicScrewdriver · 25/01/2015 09:38

Yy to that, SoupDragon.

Original poster
80schild · 25/01/2015 09:51

Sorry if I sounded a bit rude bubalou - the adrenaline was still flowing from my encounter with sazzle. I can see where they are going with their policy but it is a bit of a one-size fits all and DS just doesn't tow the line in conventionality.

I like the idea of him making his own reminder and that we make it a family affair rather than just about him.

Anyway, he has not managed to get away with not doing his homework completely because the maths is always put online and reading is something that is part of our routine so there are only two parts left to do.

It was so much easier last term because it was fun things like "create your own world" and "make a building out of things you can find at home". This is more sitting down stuff now.

OP posts:
Original poster
80schild · 25/01/2015 09:53

I think I will make that suggestion soupdragon. All children will go through phases of doing this sort of thing and it would be easier for parents. Would teachers save 5 minutes going through 30 school bags - probably.

OP posts:
WineCowboy · 25/01/2015 10:06

Could the teacher take a photo of him with his book bag etc and type the words BAG in capital letters, then stick it up on the wall / on the door he walks past to go to after school club? Or above his peg?

Or could the after school club check he has it, I am assuming it's a paid for club, so you are paying them to look after him.

And actually I am coming round to your way of thinking now, the teacher probably should try to remind him, at least till he gets into the habit of remembering.

cloutiedumpling · 25/01/2015 10:19

Our school has a similar set up where kids who go to the after school club are not allowed to go back to their classrooms to retrieve items which they have forgotten. It is very irritating as my DSs often forget something (not necessarily homework). The after school club will not ensure that all of the kids have their belongings with them. To be fair to them, they have no way of knowing what each child should be taking home. You'll probably find that your DS is not the only one struggling with this side of things. I know that children are to be encouraged to take responsibility, but it is frustrating when you work and can't ensure that they remember everything.

tobysmum77 · 25/01/2015 10:19

yanbu, I wouldn't give it a second thought. Most homework (including at secondary school) is at best a waste of time and at worst puts kids off school. For reading (which obviously is worthwhile) it's the perfect opportunity to read something he enjoys.

Independence fine, no problem.

And in terms of choice primaries have to set homework so you can't choose one that doesnt.

bubalou · 25/01/2015 10:21

That's ok op. I know what it's like when you feel jumped on by a thread sometimes. Smile

Like I said - it does suck as it isn't even an issue at DS school. They always get sent home with their phonics on Tuesday - their general which can be geography, history, Re, Family based gets sent home Wednesday along with heir spellings.

Also the dreaded recorders are here now and they get sent home evey Thursday.

I can imagine I would have the same problem with DS if his school didn't do this for them but they are 6&7, it's the schools responsibility.

Smile
YonicScrewdriver · 25/01/2015 11:00

"Or could the after school club check he has it, I am assuming it's a paid for club, so you are paying them to look after him. "

If he's not allowed back into classrooms alone then this won't help as he'll be in the club by the time it's spotted (plus it isn't really their job in the same way it might be a chilminder's job with 2-3 children to pick up and remind)

DiaryOfAWimpyMum · 25/01/2015 12:16

My DS is 10 and expected to bring his homework home on a Monday tobe done by the Thursday, some weeks he doesn't bring the book home until the Thursday, Ive phoned the school about this but it's still an ongoing problem so there have been weeks he had not done any homework. I cannot physically go into the school to get his book so I feel it's his Teachers place to check he has it every Monday, or even Tuesday would be better. So no OP yanbu

grandmainmypocket · 25/01/2015 13:15

I misunderstood. I thought you were unable to go back to class at all.

Maybe a board in the corridor at home reminding you of homework day, and he's unable to leave school till he's given you his homework.

julker · 25/01/2015 13:26

Who makes sure he has everything going in to school? Maybe you could encourage him to take a bit of responsibility there and it will rub off on the return journey? Maybe make a chart showing what he should have each day and it can be his job to tick it off before you leave

How about a sticker chart in his book bag - if the bag stays in school its not possible to add a sticker to it. When he gets X amount of stickers he can have a friend over to play or something. Rather than 'punishing' not bringing it home, he can see how you can't put the sticker on unless he brings it home and hopefully would take ownership of that

Just some things I thought of :)

AlecTrevelyan006 · 25/01/2015 15:31

Homework is a big con.

CinderellaRockefeller · 25/01/2015 16:12

Op, I get where you are coming fro. My 5 year old is in reception and goes to after school club every day. For the first term we lost sweat shirts, cardigans, book bags and no one but me seemed bothered. It took me nearly bursting into tears when sweatshirt number two went missing for the after school club to sort themselves out and do the basic checks as to is she fully dressed and with her stuff when they get her from her classroom.

Five is little to manage to remember all their stuff. Rather than blaming the teacher, can you talk to the people who run after school club and ask them to remind him when they get him from the classroom?

notonyourninny · 25/01/2015 16:14

Year 1 thats tiny!

Original poster
80schild · 25/01/2015 18:53

I really appreciate these recent posts. DS has made a list of the things he needs to bring home from school everyday and it will go to school with him tomorrow.

I do struggle getting him to do homework and part of this reason is because I don't ever find I am bored with him. We always manage to find new things to talk about or do.

OP posts:
ChoosandChipsandSealingWax · 25/01/2015 23:26

"Or could the after school club check he has it, I am assuming it's a paid for club, so you are paying them to look after him."

Hahhahahaha! No way would my Afterschool club have any idea what any child is meant to have with them. They keep them safe, is about all, no frills.

SoupDragon · 26/01/2015 07:33

I do struggle getting him to do homework and part of this reason is because I don't ever find I am bored with him. We always manage to find new things to talk about or do.

Why do you have to be bored with him in order to get him to do homework? Confused

BoomBoomsCousin · 26/01/2015 09:24

If it\s anything like our school SoupDragon, it's because much of the homework is dull busy work. So the idea of stopping doing something engaging and interesting to sit down and waste 15 mins (half an hour with crying) on something that won't make anyone's life better and may lead to negative outcomes in terms of school learning is really, really unapealing.

SoupDragon · 26/01/2015 09:41

Sorry, I think the implication that you need to be bored with your child in order to get them to do HW is ridiculous.

fredfredgeorgejnr · 26/01/2015 10:11

SoupDragon I think the idea is that there are more productive uses of your time for the preparation for life than homework.

SoupDragon · 26/01/2015 10:26

Maybe there are, but I still fail to see how that means you have to be bored with your child to get HW done. I suspect that no parent ever spends 100% of their time talking with their child, no matter how fascinating they are.

Callmegeoff · 26/01/2015 10:45

DD2 used to use similar avoidance tactics regarding homework. she improved immencely in year 4 once there were consequences. Which was loosing some of her play time. That was in year 4 though.

BoomBoomsCousin · 26/01/2015 13:11

The implication isn't that you have to be bored to do it. Just that if you aren't bored it can seem like a waste of time.

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