AIBU for not making my child do homework...

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So a little bit of history: DS1 is a bit forgetful and always has been. He is now in year 1 at school and as the school keep on reminding me they are trying to help him to become more independent. They get homework on a Wednesday and it is due in on Monday.

Over the past 3 weeks DS a pattern has formed like this.

Get homework on Wednesday: DS forgets school bag - he has after school club and we are not allowed back in the classroom.

Thursday: - He forgets the school bag again. I remind him he has to bring it home. I ask the teacher to remind him to bring it home. She says we are encouraging them to be independent and he will bring it home by Friday.

Friday: - The school bag is still at school. I can't get back into the classroom because they don't let parents in the classroom on a Friday after school.

Monday: Homework is due in. I make him do it, in a blind panic on Monday afternoon amid lots of kicking and screaming just so it looks like I have tried even if it is a day late.

After week 1 I spoke to the teacher and told she needs to give him a bit more support as I felt their tactics were't working. I have done my bit by approaching the teacher and talking to her about it. Now I feel it is her choice - if she asks on Monday where his homework is, I shall say "you have a choice an independent child or a child who has done his homework".

Doesn't the teacher notice that he has left his bag at school every night? Why on Earth can't he/she remind him at hometime?

Maybe they could run a homework club on a Monday lunchtime and he could do it then? Might make him remember to bring his book bag home.

Oh and yes YABU.

YANBU - he's only in year 1.
Ask about them posting homework sheets on a blog if they have one - DS's school has class blogs and they put the homework up on them so you can print it out if your child hasn't done it.

"I just hope none of you who are all saying the OP is unreasonable end up with disorganised-dyspraxic kids."

My son's report on leaving primary school started off "DS's organisation has improved from disastrous to intermittent." It was entirely fair.

I lost count over the years of just how many times I had to send him back into school to fetch things. I always went through his bag and checked. Sometimes I'd have to send him back more than once, if he'd forgotten multiple things and couldn't remember them all the first time.

The OP says he can't go back in on a Wednesday or a Friday. Fair enough - so she needs to send him back in on the Thursday. Surely there isn't an excuse for why she can't do that either? What if he'd forgotten his coat and it was hurling it down or -10?

At the end of the school day, you or the person collecting him has only 1 child to organise. The teacher has 30ish to organise!

Sorry, but when he comes out of school, a teacher is surely letting them out, and when you/minder etc collect you say WHERE IS YOUR SCHOOL BAG, am sure the school would let him nip in and collect. Also - don't you get reading every day that would be in school bag and would need to be done each night?

I don't think our Y1 teacher would even ask about homework. Ours get done or not, they don't crack the whip about it. I think you're more stressed about getting it done than you need to be, or your school takes it all much more seriously than ours.

As a PP said, can you do something about it in the morning?

It's all about you then.

No OP, I would not make him do it. It's absolutely bonkers giving homework to year 1 children. What are they 5? They are babies. It sucks the joy out of those early years having to make tired children comply with such idiocy. Plenty of time for homework later.

You and the school need a plan

either teacher makes sure he leaves WITH bag - really not that unreasonable at year 1

or, if you comes out to you without bag, you are allowed to send him back in to get bag.

I often send dd back in to get cardigan/lunch box/wellies etc.

If they won't support either, I would just write a letter similar to your OP and say their independence regime isn't working, this isn't supporting independence it is setting him up to fail.

IMO, a 5 year old should not have homework
IMO, tbh, homework should be banned for primary school kids
They have the rest of their life to slave away
School is a huge amount of time
And most of the homework set is largely pointless at this stage.
So YANBU, regardless of the fact they won't actually let you get the stuff.

Dd had 3 pieces of homework on a Friday and has to read 1 book every day.

Ds shouts, screams crys and it takes 2 hours but it's got to be done.

Reward him every time he brings it home.

With my DC 5 minutes extra is added on Friday night before bedtime. A bonus 10 minutes if they keep bedrooms tidy.

Homework really helps consolidate what is learnt in school and is not ludicrous. The expectations we have of children are high now, higher than before, but most children achieve really well. Homework helps them over learn keywords, phonics and other things like number bonds.

Also, the children whose parents actively help them and encourage them do far, far better in school.

Name change checking but I think you are being super unreasonable.

A teacher is just that - a teacher. They aren't secretaries to every child, and shouldn't have to be responsible for reminding children of BASIC things like not forgetting a bag THREE DAYS in a row!

You should the one stressing the importance of him remembering the bag, and if he continues to - I suspect deliberately - forget it, then that is his problem.

Surely the best course of action would be for you to remind him, remind him, but leave it up to him. If when he undoubtedly fails to remember the bag, tell him off and tell the school you expect them to discipline him on monday when he subsequently fails to hand in the homework.

Basically he needs to get a proper telling off from the teacher so he learns that there are consequences to him forgetting to bring his bag back.

English is a difficult language in which to become literate, which is why children in English speaking countries need to work harder.

they get 15 mins a day at that age. They can cope.

with help from the parents to organise them.

free universal education kicked in the teeth by some on here.

The fact is they are set homework. If you dont think a Y1 student should be doing homework then that should be a consideration when choosing a school. Lets face it, at that age, it will be "colour in this sheet" or "match the written number to the right amount of fruit" etc.

This sort of homework is to help them form habits. Homework is set, you get X number of days, homework needs returning. More about the being able to remember their bag, fit in a little activity for 30mins over a weekend, and return it.

You need to help your son here. Remind him on the Weds to bring bag. If he forgets get him to run it out to you on Thurs AM at drop off. Or, reward him. "If you remember your schoolbag on Weds you can stay up and watch an extra cartoon" etc.

This is all just tiny bits of groundwork for growing through schools.

YANBU and I say that as a teacher. I give quite a few of my secondary school pupils more support than that. Those that I know are forgetful get a reminder at the end of the day to make sure they have bags, pencil cases, etc. In year 1 I assume the teacher is letting them out one by one, and she should be able to spot that a child has no bookbag, and remind him that he needs it. If she doesn't want to do that for whatever reason then she needs to accept that there will be no homework from the child that doesn't take it home. She should be supporting ALL pupils to become independent by reinforcing routines.

i think the OP is right. The school has a choice, either they are fostering her dc's independence or they get completed homework. The school should have a sanction in place if he does not complete the work. So his lack of organisation will get him into trouble. By all means, put in a sanction at home as well. But don' t rush about reminding him to get his bag. That seems to undercut the independence drive. So let his homework for this term be developing the skills to bring the work home. Do not focus on completing it. It's utter nonsense to give 5 year olds homework anyway. So he won't be missing out academically and he may develop a key life skill.

In year 1 my ds really struggled to remember all the bits he needed to bring home each day. It doesn't come naturally to him and he isn't being difficult. If I'd just left him to it it would have been setting him up to fail, which is a really harsh way to learn a lesson.

Although your op talks about not making your son do his homework, it sounds like you are quite happy to get him to do it, but the school are not giving you any help when it comes to getting the homework home iyswim. I think yanbu and they should be a bit more flexible.

My son recently started at a new school (yr3) after a house move and kept forgetting stuff. I asked the teachers to help. At first they said they were encouraging independence, but when I explained that absolutely everything was new to him so it was taking a lot of energy to learn the new routines they were a lit more understanding, and were willing to be flexible. He manages fine now.

Just tell the teacher he isn't doing it. I did with my DS.

Schools have pages upon pages upon pages of policies. If the op had read and agreed every one, I'd be amazed. I am a primary school teacher and I would never take the 'you sent your kids to this school so you must have been in agreement with all our policies' line I see trotted out on MN. We rewrite the policies every 2 or 3 years, or with changes in the senior leadership team, as approved by the governors. And our policy does not cover every minute detail of level of support offered to y1s in remembering their homework bags.