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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU for not making my child do homework...

211 replies

80schild · 23/01/2015 19:00

So a little bit of history: DS1 is a bit forgetful and always has been. He is now in year 1 at school and as the school keep on reminding me they are trying to help him to become more independent. They get homework on a Wednesday and it is due in on Monday.

Over the past 3 weeks DS a pattern has formed like this.

Get homework on Wednesday: DS forgets school bag - he has after school club and we are not allowed back in the classroom.

Thursday: - He forgets the school bag again. I remind him he has to bring it home. I ask the teacher to remind him to bring it home. She says we are encouraging them to be independent and he will bring it home by Friday.

Friday: - The school bag is still at school. I can't get back into the classroom because they don't let parents in the classroom on a Friday after school.

Monday: Homework is due in. I make him do it, in a blind panic on Monday afternoon amid lots of kicking and screaming just so it looks like I have tried even if it is a day late.

After week 1 I spoke to the teacher and told she needs to give him a bit more support as I felt their tactics were't working. I have done my bit by approaching the teacher and talking to her about it. Now I feel it is her choice - if she asks on Monday where his homework is, I shall say "you have a choice an independent child or a child who has done his homework".

OP posts:
Misfitless · 23/01/2015 21:28

I haven't read pages 6 and 7 of this thread, but so far most people have said the OP is BU.

I'm really Shock!

It's so easy for the teacher to say to the whole class "It's time to get your coats and book bags!" and then "Has everyone got their coats and bookbags?" before she even lets them out of the classroom.

To me that's just common sense.

The school day is so long for those in YR and Y1, that I'm sure all my DD (reception) can think of as she's lining up is giving me a cuddle and getting home. At the end of the day, the very last thing she would be thinking of would be her book bag, that's for sure. Luckily she doesn't have to - 'cause the teacher reminds them every day.

I have a DS who is in Y5, he's brilliant at packing his own bag, remembering his PE kit, water bottle, reading book, gloves etc, but trying to get him to remember to hand in his homework is another matter. Same with DD - she spent ages doing her HW last week, and then didn't hand it in. By the time she handed it in, it was too late, and the teacher refused to mark it Angry. Why can't they just ask who's done it, and remind them to hand it in?

claraschu · 23/01/2015 21:32

The child goes to AFTER SCHOOL CLUB and is not allowed back in to his classroom when he is picked up at the end of the day.

I would either:
1)Get the homework on Thursday or Friday morning;
2)Ask the person who brings the child to after school club to make him get his bag every day;
3)Forget about the homework as it's probably not very useful or illuminating, but do lots of interesting reading, writing and maths for fun and excitement over the weekend and after school.

TheRealMaryMillington · 23/01/2015 21:37

*"Homework really helps consolidate what is learnt in school and is not ludicrous. The expectations we have of children are high now, higher than before, but most children achieve really well. Homework helps them over learn keywords, phonics and other things like number bonds.

Also, the children whose parents actively help them and encourage them do far, far better in school."*

Is there an evidence base for that?

IME forcing very young children to do homework is counterproductive in the extreme. The head teacher of my kid's school agrees. She says they only set it because of the level parental clamour for it.

When they are old enough to start taking responsibility for it themselves - at say 9 or 10 then there might possibly be some merit in reinforcing some learning.

PopularNamesInclude · 23/01/2015 21:37

I always check that the children in my class have their bookbags as they leave. i cannot however guarantee that every last one of them has pasted the blasted hw into their books. biscuits is right about hw being a nightmare for some.

Purplehonesty · 23/01/2015 21:39

I assume he goes to after school clu. Every day? Ask them to remind him to bring bag home work they collect him?

My ds is in p1 (reception is it with you?) he has homework every night, reading book, writing words out for Friday's test, blending sounds to be practised and usually a project once a week. This week he had to prepare a 30 second talk, xmas week it was make a hat. He is 5 and its a slog to get it all done every night, but it's a good habit to get into I think!

Biscuitsneeded · 23/01/2015 21:41

Thank you, hard hat is donned! I really, honestly don't have a problem with SAHMs (some of my best friends and all that...!) and in fact if weren't for one or two SAHM friends who can email me what we need, my DS would be failing to do the homework way more often. I just wanted people to understand that it isn't as straightforward as it might seem if you aren't able to get to your child's school very much and your child doesn't find organising himself easy.

Purplehonesty · 23/01/2015 21:43

Or send note to teacher saying please remind ds to bring bag home. Or no homework can be done. Cc to head teacher.

Teacher really shouldn't let them out without their bags. Ds's teacher would be chasing him to the car if he forgot his.

Quangle · 23/01/2015 21:44

I have quite an organised 5yo who doesn't forget his book bag. But he hasn't a notion of how to get on with writing a project about the Great Fire of London or being a Polar Explorer.

Homework in Y1 involves a hell of a lot of parental guidance which sends exactly the wrong message about independence. I hate it. YANBU OP.

Dragonlette · 23/01/2015 21:45

Biscuits my dd1 was exactly the same, and dd2 seems to be heading the same way. Dd1 was at breakfast and after school club every day and the only reason she had her bookbag, lunchbox and homework was because she was reminded as homework was given out "go and put it in your bag", and at the end of the day "get your bag and lunchbox" by her teacher/TA. I had no way of making sure she had those things because by the time I got there we had no way of getting into the classroom for them. Every teacher she had in the infants reminded the whole class at the end of the day to get their bags, then by the time they were at juniors they were expected to remember for themselves and faced consequences if they didn't. I don't think I've ever heard of a teacher expecting a y1 class to remember all their stuff without a whole class reminder at the end of the afternoon.

RubberDuck · 23/01/2015 21:49

There's different ways of actively helping your children do well in school.

I actively help them if they're stuck and ask me to help.
I actively help them set routines in place if they're struggling to remember things.
I actively help them by making sure that I buy the right kit they need.
I actively help them by stepping aside and let homework be their responsibility.
I actively help them by not putting them under unnecessary stress when the schooling system already piles a whole ton of it on them and try to teach them ways to deal with that stress when I can.

Incidentally, both dses are doing well at school and ds2's teacher considers us involved parents even though we never remember to sign the damn reading journal!

Flomple · 23/01/2015 21:51

Yes Misfit the teacher could tell them, examine each child in detail for bookbag, water bottle, lunch box, jumper etc etc, but that is not going to encourage their independence.

The system is not ideal, we often nip back to the classroom for forgotten bits and the problem here is that they can't. I think OP you'd fair enough to explain why he hasn't done it but just don't lose any sleep over it or get wound up with the teacher. She may well prefer him to take responsibility for his own bookbag (even patchily) than do his homework! And bribes for remembering might help. I think in YR ours used to get class points depending on how many remembered their stuff, and I set my DC 'Special Missions' for the day for things theyhave to remember - bring home a forgotten jumper, hand in homework, hand in forms etc.

ShakesBootyFlabWobbles · 23/01/2015 22:01

Blimey biscuit our children could have been separated at birth. I've had one teacher suggesting I write on DD1's hand so she doesn't forget things on certain days.

calzone · 23/01/2015 22:11

My Year One's have to write a descriptive paragraph about the Gingerbread Man and then draw a lost poster about him.

For Maths, they are doing Fairytale subtracting......

......not colouring in pictures!

Discussed today that there is no benefit in HW for ks1. Teacher doesn't even look at it. I mark it. AngryAngryAngry it is sent out for the parents.

Starlightbright1 · 23/01/2015 22:19

My Ds is a junior and has forgot to hand his homework in this week.

I can say in year 1 we had regular trips back to the classroom, sometimes for reading book, sometimes for jumpers, even a coat despite the teacher reminding the class...Clearly my son needed a personal message..I think I would be in the same situation had I not been there to collect him.

That said if they won't let you back in the classroom then don't do it.. Read with him nightly ..let him and the teacher deal with the consequence

OddFodd · 23/01/2015 22:22

DS has dyspraxia. I go in and empty his locker/get his homework etc several times a week. I don't ask - I just do it. He's 8. If they want the homework back (and I'm absolutely diligent about making sure it all gets done) then I have to do that.

Independence in 5-6 YOs is a laughable concept.

OriginalGreenGiant · 23/01/2015 22:26

I think yab a bit u.

How can he 'forget' his school bag? My ds's (Reception and Year 2) frequently forget their school folder. They appear at the door of their classroom at home time, no folder in sight. I see that they don't have it, turn them around before they've even made it out of the door, and they go back in to get it.

Why don't you (or whoever picks him up) just do that?

madamginger · 23/01/2015 22:31

Ds1 often has to be reminded to go back and get something he has forgotten. He's in yr1 too, his teacher/ta have got better at checking they have everything as they leave the classroom, a quick don't forget your bag/jumper/lunch box before they leave. she was a yr4 teacher last year and are much more independent at 9 than at 6.
I also don't make him do homework.
I do make him do his reading every day but everything else we don't do. He's 6 fgs, plenty of time for home work in the juniors.

georgebear103 · 23/01/2015 22:32

I am a KS1 teacher and say Yanbu! Why on earth can't they let you pop in when you pick him up after After school club- how unfriendly! We always make sure the kids take their bookbags. Your school are being very unhelpful!

avocadogreen · 23/01/2015 22:36

He's only Y1. Don't stress. My DD is Y2, she quite often doesn't do her homework. I don't force her, I often forget myself and have to ask her last minute if she had any. She has a very busy life- after school club most days, at her dad's every other weekend. She's doing well at school, we do plenty of reading at home, I honestly don't have the time or inclination to force her to do homework. It's never been an issue with the teacher tbh.

BoomBoomsCousin · 23/01/2015 22:38

Original, the OP laid out at the start how her attempts at getting the bag are frustrated until it's too late. So many people concerned about 5 years olds not doing homework who should perhaps spend their time improving their own reading comprehension skills.

OP if the homework is anything like the homework mine get I wouldn't be too concerned about getting it in on time and "marked". When you actually manage to get the book take a look at the homework and do what seems reasonable. Don't make it a chore, that's worse than not doing it. Take a photo of the homework sheet so that you have it if he leaves the book behind again, then each night work through a bit of it. The marking so far has just been acknowledgement that it's been done. They are too young to get anything significantfrom constructive feedback. Get some stickers for him to reqard him for doing it if that works with him. Or just dont'do it. We do it, but I see no value in it.

Frecklefeatures · 23/01/2015 22:46

Take a small photo of all the things he has to remember. Laminate it. Ask teacher if he can stick it under his coat peg to remind him, or put it in his pocket? I'd be very very surprised if the teacher isn't reminding them daily - it's part of the going home routine in every infant class I've worked in.

If he's having a big fuss about doing it, it sounds like he's forgetting it on purpose. If you're not nipping this in the bud now by sanctions every time he forgets/rewards and praise for remembering, he's found a tactic that works to avoid doing things. Not good. The onus is on you to find a way to make it more pleasant to remember than forget. Also, if he's got 4 days homework to do in 1 day, that's probably not helping. Does he not need a bag every day for his snack anyway?

MigGril · 23/01/2015 23:00

Y1 is to young for homework and I think the school are being UR in not reminding him to remember his book bag. My Y3 DD was struggling to remember her homework at the beginning of the year. But they have to take it out of there tray and put it in their bag and where trying to foster independences. I think they realised some of them just needed reminding though as she wasn't the only one. So the teacher did this. But their homework is Fri-Fri so we still had a couple of days if she forgot it over the weekend.

Our school don't do homework in Y1 very little in Y2 it's only now getting more important in Y3 and I think that's a better balance then some schools. It's a very good outstanding school with brilliant results. So I really don't see the need for all this early homework it just seems to cause more stress for young children early on.

OddFodd · 23/01/2015 23:09

Ahahahahaha at Frecklefocus. DS has visual reminders in every single locker he's ever had. Pointless if someone isn't actually reminding him 1-2-1. I'm not saying that the OP's DS has additional needs but the mass 'don't forget to get your XYZ from your locker' can get drowned out mentally in the excitement of going home. In year one I think staff should remind kids to check they have their coats/bags. It only takes a minute

OddFodd · 23/01/2015 23:10

Frecklefeatures, not Frecklefocus. Apologies

Frecklefeatures · 23/01/2015 23:21

I teach infants. They are reminded every time: Coats on/change shoes/packed lunch/school bag/book bag. I can put their bags in their hands & check they've all got them and there are STILL a few pupils every day who come back in having 'forgotten' something/put it down somewhere random. They drive me a bit bonkers! My son was like this - he has dyspraxia, I can understand both sides.