Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask about never working again ...

476 replies

betweenmarchandmay · 21/01/2015 16:18

I worked from being 22 to 28 (teacher.)

I was posting on the thread about being a SAHM and it occurred to me I can't really see a future where I'd work again.

Has anyone else spent most or all of their adult life not working?

Just wondering. I'm not sure how I feel about it.

OP posts:
HappyGirlNow · 21/01/2015 16:19

Why won't you need to work again? Your children will grow up at some point?

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 21/01/2015 16:20

How will you live?

NorwaySpruce · 21/01/2015 16:22

Sadly, we don't earn nearly enough money for either of us to do that.

If we did, one or the other of us (or both, in the case of a lottery win!) would give up work tomorrow, or at least retrain in a more vocational/fun occupation.

Money buys you choices, and I'd love to have that luxury. Instead, I have the fear Grin

IHaveBrilloHair · 21/01/2015 16:22

I won't but thats because of disability

hopingforamiracle · 21/01/2015 16:22

Why not. Most women do it, it's socially acceptable :)

MoreBeta · 21/01/2015 16:24

I stopped working in 2004 believing I would never do paid work again (I am SAHD). I did go back to paid work again 9 years later. My job ended just before Xmas and I am now looking for another job.

Children are early/mid teens and I have another 15 - 20 years of useful working life ahead of me. It has to be enjoyable/interesting/rewarding work though. I am not aiming for a 9 - 5 job in an office somewhere.

Don't discount working again entirely. I suspect life is possibly long and empty after children.

GokTwo · 21/01/2015 16:24

Why do you feel like you wont ever work again? Is it because you don't want to go back to teaching?

formerbabe · 21/01/2015 16:24

I'm the same op...currently a sahm. The thought of having a job again terrifies me...!

Hobsandpeanuts · 21/01/2015 16:25

Due to our circumstances I probably won't be working, at least not in the formal sense, for another 10 years + or so or at least until my DS is 16.

I'm happy with the situation, I'm able to support my son and husband at home and help with my husbands business. I feel that this is worth while and what works best for our family. The only difficulty is other people's perceptions and there are some who look down their nose at me for not 'working'.

Hobsandpeanuts · 21/01/2015 16:26

Drat, posted too quickly.

I don't know what will happen when my DS is old enough. I suspect there will always be plenty to do for my husbands business so I suppose I'll help him in a more formal and codified way and maybe even draw a wage.

Original poster
betweenmarchandmay · 21/01/2015 16:27

Happy of course, but I can't see myself going back into teaching, can't think of anything I'd really want to do.

Live - DHs salary.

I haven't discounted it altogether but I can't think of anything I'd be interested in doing and since I don't actually need to work, that seems silly, so ...

OP posts:
CrystalHaze · 21/01/2015 16:27

Did I miss your joke, hopingforamiracle, or are you being goady?

(Genuine question, I have no idea what you're alluding to).

DidoTheDodo · 21/01/2015 16:27

My children are long grown and gone.
My retirement age has gone up by 6 years and is still too far away to feel achievable.
I hate the office politics of my job.
My commute is 3.5 hours every day.
I would give anything to be able to give up work tomorrow (no, today) and never have to go back.
I'd better start doing the lottery.

Froggio · 21/01/2015 16:29

I wouldn't have thought you even need to make that decision now. See how you feel one DCs are grown up and until then enjoy the fact that you apparently have that option. I personally can't see a future where I don't do something outside of the home but everyone's different.

strawberryshoes · 21/01/2015 16:30

My aunt never went back to work after her children were born, but she did get involved with lots of community things. She volunteered at a local charity shop, went into her children's school to read with them, was active in the WI, all sorts of bits and bobs.

I am kind of thinking I cannot imagine going back into the job I had 5 years ago before DD1 was born, but equally, when DD1 and DD2 are more independent I might want to go back into doing something, paid or not.

NotYouNaanBread · 21/01/2015 16:30

If you're not sure how you'd feel about it, but the circumstances of your family (husband working away etc) would make getting a full time job difficult, if not impossible, and money isn't a huge pressure, then there are lots of directions your life could take that you can mould to suit you.

On the other hand, if you can't see yourself working again out of a sense of hopelessness or uselessness, then you might be depressed - you have a LOT to offer, and you are young enough to retrain and set your professional life on a path that makes you happy and fulfilled.

hesterton · 21/01/2015 16:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chosenone · 21/01/2015 16:31

You are very young to be writing off the rest of your career whether you want to be a teacher or not. You obviously wanted a career as you qualified .... also, im being very presumptuous here, but be v v careful if you are planning on being financially dependent on a partner. Things change and 50% of marriages now end.

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 21/01/2015 16:31

Most women do it. It's socially acceptable.

Do they? That is not my experience. I don't know anyone with children over Primary age who doesn't work (apart from families I work with)

I didn't want to go back, but I did once dd was at school. Totally different job. Started at bottom and am working way back up. Taking on every training opportunity I am offered.

Glad I did. I love my job. Valued my years at home though.
Working and juggling family life is much harder, though. Bring at home was a doddle in comparison (though I only have one child)

My self esteem is much stronger now I feel I am valued outside the home and not just as a parent.

milkworm · 21/01/2015 16:31

I haven't worked since 1999, when I had my DD who is disabled. I have some health problems too, and DH earns enough that we're comfortable (and we're covered in case anything happens to him). So I can't see myself working again. I don't particularly want to work, I don't get anything out of the social side of it like some people do, and I feel I have enough on my plate (DD is unlikely to be independent as an adult). I keep myself busy - lots of leisure activities, study and a little voluntary work. So I don't feel my life is empty at all.

Yarp · 21/01/2015 16:32

I was on that thread. I thought I'd never want to work again, but I did.

The only women I know who never returned ti work, did loads of volunteering, or worked for the family business part of the time.

QueenofKelsingra · 21/01/2015 16:32

all things being well I wont work again, I worked pt from 16-21 and full time until 25 when I had DC1 and have been a SAHM ever since. DH and I decided that unless it is unavoidable we would like me to be at home for the children until they leave home. currently ttc so we are a minimum 19 years from that! I'm hoping when all dc are at school I will have some time to pursue my writing ambitions, but these ambitions are second to my wanting to raise my family. in the future I hope to be there to help my DC when they start families of their own, my own DM has been a huge support to me.

whilst I don't do paid employment, I do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, paperwork, finances, shopping etc. Basically 'all' DH has to do is go out to work and play with the DC when he's home.

disclaimer I realise our set up is stupidly 1950s but it works for us and it is our choice and we are both happy with it.

GokTwo · 21/01/2015 16:32

I don't think it's silly to work even if you don't need the money. I think we could probably manage on DW's wage (we're both women, not sure why I feel the need to state that but there you go!) but we wouldn't be able to have as many treats etc. I would be bored stiff though. If you're not and you like being at home and being there for your DC's full time it's up to you.

That said if we won the lottery DW would want to go to Uni and I would probably do more voluntary work. I think I would be hard pushed to stay in a job if money really was no object at all.

Original poster
betweenmarchandmay · 21/01/2015 16:34

I know what you mean about things changing but just the same given I haven't worked since 2011 and dd isn't one yet there's still a big career gap and I have to admit I just don't know if I can be arsed! Which perhaps isn't the best way of looking at it! Grin

I don't think I wanted a career really; I went to university as it was what people did and PGCE for something to do!

OP posts:
kaykayred · 21/01/2015 16:34

I don't know if this is way off mark, but surely being a teacher is one of the most perfect jobs ever when you have children. Well, when they are older anyway.

Your "office" schedule is - or at least will be at some point - exactly the same as your children's. Marking and prep can be done at home. You aren't expected to be in the office when your children are out of term time, and even if you are, it's not on a daily basis, but for maybe a week for compulsory training or whatnot.

I'm NOT saying being a teacher is a piece of piss before anyone gets up in arms. I AM saying that it surely much easier to balance work and childcare as a teacher, as opposed to if you work 0900-1830 in the city.

Swipe left for the next trending thread