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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask about never working again ...

476 replies

betweenmarchandmay · 21/01/2015 16:18

I worked from being 22 to 28 (teacher.)

I was posting on the thread about being a SAHM and it occurred to me I can't really see a future where I'd work again.

Has anyone else spent most or all of their adult life not working?

Just wondering. I'm not sure how I feel about it.

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betweenmarchandmay · 25/01/2015 15:42

I don't want to post on moneysavingexpert; I've looked on there and people are rude and unpleasant and sneery.

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IamTitanium · 25/01/2015 15:47

Maybe avoid the forums and just use the information sections and tools on there when you are ready?

Now you have started your list, what one is most important to you to start to look at?

betweenmarchandmay · 25/01/2015 15:50

I won't understand it.

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IamTitanium · 25/01/2015 15:59

Are you ok?
Just your answers have become shorted.
Are you making sure you internet history etc can not be checked also?

ilovesooty · 25/01/2015 16:07

What was your idea? You can tell us.

betweenmarchandmay · 25/01/2015 16:10

It's on chat :)

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IamTitanium · 25/01/2015 16:12

Is it the one about buying a house, or is there another I have missed?

Is that a buy to let, or do you want it for yourself eventually?

betweenmarchandmay · 25/01/2015 16:15

I've explained! But people seem to think it's not a great buy which is probably true.

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betweenmarchandmay · 25/01/2015 16:59

Thanks, though.

Sorry I forgot to say thanks :)

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Wadingthroughsoup · 25/01/2015 17:12

marchandmay No- if they're solely in your name then you alone are responsible for paying the tax on them. For that reason, it would be better for you to have your own bank account for your income to be paid into- I don't think that's necessarily a legal stipulation, but would make things a lot neater.

But I don't like the sound of your OH much- sorry :( He's very controlling, isn't he?

Thank you for your kind wishes- I'm sorry for your losses- what a lot you have endured.

betweenmarchandmay · 25/01/2015 17:40

Thanks, wading

He is, and I don't even think he recognises it himself. We have flashes of clarity but that's it - flashes. And I don't think people realise that having no backup, no one I can turn to in a crisis, is terrifying.

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Theoretician · 25/01/2015 18:14

It used to be the case they there was no need to fill in a tax return if no (extra) tax was going to be due as a consequence. Not sure if that's still true.

kim147 · 25/01/2015 18:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kim147 · 25/01/2015 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

betweenmarchandmay · 25/01/2015 18:58

Not exactly.

Kim, I appreciate what you're saying but I couldn't teach. In any case DD isn't even one yet.

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FlowerFairy2014 · 25/01/2015 19:01

I will never never never understand how people don't nkw what their husband earns. It is so alien to me. My parents knew everything and read each others documents and post. I did both our tax returns and we both saw each other's post, pay slips, pensions and everything. Yet some couples seem to live in worlds of secrecy hiding all kinds of really important documents from each other - what sort of marriage is it with all these secrets?

betweenmarchandmay · 25/01/2015 19:09

Oh, do one.

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Wadingthroughsoup · 25/01/2015 19:16

Tutoring is good- very easy compared to classroom teaching, and pays well. (But if you do decide to go down that road in the future- you'll need to put that on your tax return too!) I am another ex-teacher- secondary English too! Like you, I didn't enjoy it very much and didn't feel like I was going to be able to get really good at it. You lasted longer than me though- I got pg in my NQT year and haven't taught properly since (though have done supply, tutoring and TA roles).

With your skills, what about proofreading/editing/copywriting? Maybe none of that appeals.

If you don't have to work and you don't want to, then just work out what other stuff interests you and do that. Bake, read, run, write a blog, fundraise... There must be some things you could feel passionate about, but your grief and your PND have no doubt left you somewhat numb- so it's ok that you don't know what you want right now, and your DD is still very little. Maybe just get your head round your finances first then just see where life takes you in the next few years.

I don't work very much- just little bits here and there- and I've been trying to work out what to do with the rest of my life; working/volunteering/studying... and I haven't reached any solid conclusions yet, but I recognise that my grief is still very heavily with me so I'm taking a bit of time before making any decisions. I feel quite aimless a lot of the time but I'm trying to be kind to myself and live in the present moment as much as possible.

Like you, I also had PND, and also, as you alluded to earlier (unless I misunderstood ) I also worry a lot about what my parents would think about the choices I'm making (or not making!) in life, aided by their money.

So I recognise many of the feelings you've described, and I wish you all the very best.

Broaderband · 25/01/2015 19:21

You are so lucky and if I were you I would love to not work again!

Lunch with friends, hobbies, relaxing weekends with family. What's not to like?

If you feel in the future like doing some kind of work, paid or voluntary that's fine too!

betweenmarchandmay · 25/01/2015 19:31

Thanks, wading - I really can't see me doing any of the things you mention! In many ways, I'm not a "typical" teacher, which probably is why I was crap at it Grin I'm not organised, or patient, and I found it difficult to empathise with children who didn't 'get it'!

I had a bit of a strange relationship with my parents. I don't know what my mum would think; she's been dead too long. My dad was obsessed with pensions and with holidays, both of which hold no interest or relevance particularly to me.

The main priority I suppose has to be my marriage. I'm not sure it's salvageable or not, but every time I feel I could go, I then within sixty minutes feel I couldn't so ...

Not sure really. PND is rubbish though.

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Chunderella · 25/01/2015 19:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

betweenmarchandmay · 25/01/2015 19:32

To be honest I think I'd rather teach full time again than tutor. It's really never appealed.

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ilovesooty · 25/01/2015 20:09

Just take one step at a time, and ignore the people who just don't have any empathy.

You've a lot of unresolved stuff going on and it can't all be tackled at once.

betweenmarchandmay · 25/01/2015 20:23

I just feel so overwhelmed with everything Sad

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bedraggledmumoftwo · 26/01/2015 07:53

Sorry you are feeling like this, between. I agree with others that you need to get an understanding of your finances. Although you might not like mse forums, I would definitely recommend reading the articles on the bits you need to know about- they are generally aimed at giving a basic overview for people that aren't financially minded.

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