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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Taking days off work for ill child

250 replies

Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 13:57

I'm venting so please bear with me fellow MNers! My DS was poorly this week, flu like symptoms, laying in bed no energy. He's 12. I'm a single parent with NO support. I work part time in a challenging (but thoroughly enjoyable) job.

Cut a long story short....... I rang work short notice on two occasions this week, to use up my annual leave as DS poorly and I obviously have to look after him. Second time the message wasn't passed on (not my fault!!) and it did cause a bit of hassle with cover etc I appreciate that. So today my boss calls me in, all 'nicey nicey' saying that my son is at secondary school now and exactly what age do I intend leaving him on his own when ill as me going off short notice caused a lot of problems!!!!!! I said what the hell am I supposed to do???!!! He was ill in bed, really not well and you are expecting me to leave him on his own from 7.30am till whenever in the evening (I'm supposed to finish at 4 but nature of the job means it is often 6/7pm!!). I bit my tongue, said sorry, but also I cannot promise it won't happen again as what on earth am I supposed to do?! He was off in December (I

took ONE day annual leave!) as he injured his foot and was on crutches. She said its 'happening a lot'!!!! I've come out and managed to compose myself but I'm fucking FUMING!!! Work have been good, I appreciate that they have their jobs to do. But what on earth am I supposed to do, as a single mum with no support???? She really thinks I would leave an asthmatic 12 year old on his own ALL DAY?????

OP posts:

LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 15/01/2015 14:02

I'd give ACAS a call, but legally you are allowed time off work to care for a dependent (child, parent etc) in an emergency. Take a look here;

www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants/your-rights

ilovesooty · 15/01/2015 14:02

I understand your point but I think your employer has the right to enquire about the situation if it causes inconvenience in your workplace. At the end of the day your childcare arrangements are not their problem as they see it.

ilovesooty · 15/01/2015 14:05

But of course if you followed procedure it's not your fault if the message wasn't passed on. It's not always convenient for workplaces to grant emergency annual leave though you're entitled to time off work to arrange any back up childcare (this might not be paid)

NoLongerJustAShopGirl · 15/01/2015 14:06

but you can see your employer's viewpoint too? 3 days off with no notice in 2 months - it is a lot - they have a workplace to run.

What is his dad doing to help? What are you doing to find alternatives to you needing to take time off?

And you may be going about it the wrong way - ringing up with no notice to take annual leave - you should be saying my child is ill and I need time to arrange care - i.e. emergency leave for dependants - not annual leave.

YonicSleighdriver · 15/01/2015 14:07

Would she prefer you to take unpaid dependent's leave rather than short notice annual leave?

WeirdCatLady · 15/01/2015 14:08

I sympathise with your position but I don't think your employer has been unreasonable. They have asked in a nice way as the lack of notice does cause problems for them. What do you expect them to say? They haven't been unpleasant about it. I think to be fucking fuming about it is an overreaction.

YonicSleighdriver · 15/01/2015 14:09

Asking "when are you going to leave him on his own" is not helpful, though, catlady,

Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 14:09

Sooty I do appreciate where she is coming from it's just I feel really annoyed that she suggest now he's at secondary school it's ok to leave him home alone when he's poorly! I leave him enough when he's well!!! It can be 7pm when I walk thru the door. I'm feeling down anyway as ive had this bug too and been under house arrest with DS! I hate it when I can't get out. But I maybe need someone to talk me down im feeling sorry for myself as it highlights how hard it is sometimes to juggle things as a single mum with absolutely no support! Xx

OP posts:

Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 14:11

His dad lives 50 miles away tho I feel if he lived in the same town he wouldn't help!

OP posts:

WeirdCatLady · 15/01/2015 14:12

I completely understand the wish to look after your child when he is ill. but from your employers perspective he is 12, not 2, and could probably be left for a period of time. Perhaps they would prefer if you came in for maybe half a day, which gives them more time to arrange cover?

LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 15/01/2015 14:12

He's still dependent on you, no matter how old he is. The laws about this apply to your parents or anyone else who is dependent on you so it's not just for children who could be left alone in the house while they are unwell. I work from home anyway but there's no way I'd leave ds home alone while he's ill.

Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 14:13

I think the 'fucking fuming' remark was a knee jerk reaction! I was upset that I try my best and follow procedures but still get hauled in the office. I am quite happy to take annual leave, I don't use it for holidays lol! I couldn't afford to take it unpaid. X

OP posts:

Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 14:14

Our shift pattern and nature of my job means half shifts are a no no.

OP posts:

WeirdCatLady · 15/01/2015 14:14

Is there any part of your job that you could do from home?

Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 14:15

No I work in emergency service. X

OP posts:

WeirdCatLady · 15/01/2015 14:16

If it makes you feel any better, if he has a cold/flu bug he is likely to be staying in bed anyway. Maybe you could make sure he can reach some food and a drink and that would make you feel more comfortable leaving him?

Has he got a phone so you could keep in touch?

Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 14:18

Yea he has a phone. I just wouldn't under the circumstances have left him tho ...... High temp, hardly eating or drinking etc, flu like symptoms s d dizziness when standing. As I say I can be caught up on jobs for hours and I'm unreachable. I just wouldn't have risked it. He's back at school today tho. But kinda worried in case it happens again, which it's bound to. Xx

OP posts:

drbonnieblossman · 15/01/2015 14:19

Can see both sides. If they're reasonably accommodating generally, the suggestion of ACAS made above will soon end any give and take. In this sort of situation it's a bit "running to tell the teacher".

Your employer has obligations to whoever it serves, you have obligations to your son. Crappy situation when your child needs you and so does your employer.

I think I would ask for a quick chat with the person who called you in. Say the earlier chat has left you feeling negative, and you want to reiterate that whilst you have utmost conmittment to your job, there are occasions for any parent where a child must take priority. 12 is still young and whilst you hope that in the not too distant future your son can look after himself if sick, now isn't that time. You understand their concerns, and would hate to sour relations when you enjoy your job so much etc.

I think acknowledging an issue with an employer is received well as opposed to being defensive ( not saying you are!) - you're "singing from the same ....blah blah"!

DisappointedOne · 15/01/2015 14:19

I work in HR and employment law. Legally you don't have the right to take leave as you have to look after a sick child. You have the right to unpaid emergency leave to make arrangements not to care for him. If it takes an hour to make arrangements then that's all you should be taking.

It isn't your employer's fault that you're a single parent with no support.

I suspect there should be a bit more give and take on both sides of this situation.

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 15/01/2015 14:20

They could insist you take it as unpaid emergency dependants leave so actually they are being quite fair letting you take it as annual leave with no notice.

That is a fair amount of time off if you are part time so I can see why they are investigating. What would you have done if they had said it had to be unpaid rather than holiday?

Nolim · 15/01/2015 14:22

Can you take it to your bosses boss?

Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 14:22

Drbonnie I did say all that in my original meeting. I was very 'positive' with my boss I know they are generally very good with me and I said how much I appreciate it. I guess my overwhelming feeling is that they don't appreciate that he was poorly and I have no help with him so it's down to me and (as usual) me alone. Xx

OP posts:

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 15/01/2015 14:23

Are any of his friends parents available to do reciprocal child care, if they needed you when you were free, maybe?

I would have happily left my NT 12 yr old with a phone under those circs, but not my 12 yr old with SN so I sympathise? Does he come under the definition of "disabled" under the Equality Act?

BarbarianMum · 15/01/2015 14:24

You do not have to leave him but you might wish to consider ways in which you are comfortable to leave him - with you phoning every couple of hours to check on him, with you popping in at lunchtime to check, with you working but leaving bang on time. Then talk to your boss. FWIW I think 12 is getting to the age where a child can sometimes be left, even if he's not there yet.

Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 14:26

Thankyou ladies (and gents?) this is exactly what I need to hear. I sometimes feel the world is against me! So to see it from another view is helpful and allows me to kick myself up the arse and tell myself to stop being bloody paranoid! lol xx

OP posts:

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