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Original poster

Taking days off work for ill child

250 replies

Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 13:57

I'm venting so please bear with me fellow MNers! My DS was poorly this week, flu like symptoms, laying in bed no energy. He's 12. I'm a single parent with NO support. I work part time in a challenging (but thoroughly enjoyable) job.

Cut a long story short....... I rang work short notice on two occasions this week, to use up my annual leave as DS poorly and I obviously have to look after him. Second time the message wasn't passed on (not my fault!!) and it did cause a bit of hassle with cover etc I appreciate that. So today my boss calls me in, all 'nicey nicey' saying that my son is at secondary school now and exactly what age do I intend leaving him on his own when ill as me going off short notice caused a lot of problems!!!!!! I said what the hell am I supposed to do???!!! He was ill in bed, really not well and you are expecting me to leave him on his own from 7.30am till whenever in the evening (I'm supposed to finish at 4 but nature of the job means it is often 6/7pm!!). I bit my tongue, said sorry, but also I cannot promise it won't happen again as what on earth am I supposed to do?! He was off in December (I

took ONE day annual leave!) as he injured his foot and was on crutches. She said its 'happening a lot'!!!! I've come out and managed to compose myself but I'm fucking FUMING!!! Work have been good, I appreciate that they have their jobs to do. But what on earth am I supposed to do, as a single mum with no support???? She really thinks I would leave an asthmatic 12 year old on his own ALL DAY?????

OP posts:
Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 16:54

Nick im certainly not wanting everyone to agree with me and disagree with my employer. I've explained I didn't have any other option. Leaving him at home alone certainly wasn't one of them. The honest answer is there were no other options!

OP posts:
Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 16:55

Nick what would YOU have done. You have no partner, no family, no friends who can help on that particular day?

OP posts:
YonicSleighdriver · 15/01/2015 16:56

OP is in the emergency services - I imagine there is little control over shifts over running if on a callout.

Nicknacky · 15/01/2015 16:56

In that case you need to continue as you are, then accept the consequences at work.

Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 16:59

I have no choice but to accept any consequences at work as I HAVE to keep going as I am as there is no other option.

OP posts:
sarascompact · 15/01/2015 17:00

At 16.14hrs I said

"3. I'd lay bets that you're not a lone parent or if you are you're fortunate enough to either have a very understanding employer, to not work at all, to work for yourself or to work for an employer but to have family and/or friends around to take up the slack when one of your kids is ill"

Am I right, sooty? What about you Nick?

Nicknacky · 15/01/2015 17:00

shoegal You are asking me a difficult question because I'm thankfully not in that position. However, if I felt my child was so sick I was needed at home then that's where I would be. But I wouldn't stay at home every time they was off with a minor illness, so if I was needed at home my boss would realise it was necessary.

Nicknacky · 15/01/2015 17:03

sara Im not a single parent and I have help. If I wasn't then I probably wouldn't be in my role within the police tbh, as I wouldn't be able to do it without that support.

ilovesooty · 15/01/2015 17:04

I can see how the OP can't possibly guarantee that an emergency situation won't overrun. In my job if you have a crisis or safeguarding issue you stay until it's sorted.
FWIW I think it sounds as though her employer hasn't handled this very sensitively and I can see why the OP is upset by that,as the potential for her son to become really sick was there but I think the employer does have to explore how the reliability of the service can be maintained.

sarascompact · 15/01/2015 17:04

"sara Im not a single parent and I have help."

And boy doesn't it show Nick.

Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 17:04

In 9 years I can count on one hand how many times I've had to phone in a put emergency leave/carers leave in. I don't think that is too bad going? Twice has been in the last few months. Once when DS broke his foot and thus week. I do not keep him off for trivial things, as I explained im an expert in seeing thru trivial illness (see my profession!!Wink).

OP posts:
jellybeans · 15/01/2015 17:06

This is one reason i am a Sahm (and am grateful i can make this choice). I would not leave a sick child alone. People are not units of production that are never ill or have family issues. People should get time off if they are ill or their kids are. Who would you find to look afte a sick child anyway? My parents wont have mine when they are ill, they would risk catching it if ut us flu etc. Yanbu.

ScotsWhaHae · 15/01/2015 17:07

What would you do when they were off with a 'minor illness' Nick?

Nicknacky · 15/01/2015 17:08

sara I have posted previously that's it's hard and I sympathise. But it's not the fault of her employer either.

ilovesooty · 15/01/2015 17:08

I'm not a lone parent. I'm happy to take up any issues at work that need to be dealt with so that a lone parent can do what's best for their child.
My team supports each other. I know anyone would support me if I needed to be be off for another care emergency or any other crisis.

Nicknacky · 15/01/2015 17:09

scots I'm not sure what you mean? Do you mean would I go to work as usual?

ilovesooty · 15/01/2015 17:10

And Shoegal the fact that your work record has been excellent for years is one of the reasons I think your employer could have handled this better.

Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 17:11

And in 9 years ive fought with every fibre in my body NOT to have to give my job in emergency services up!!! I've scraped people off roads and dealt with the most horrific scenes and none of it compares to being a single parent!!!!! You've no idea how hard it is to do this job on my own. I've fought for a flexible working policy which allows me to work mainly day shifts, but obviously that comes at a financial loss (quite rightly obviously I don't expect the same shift allowance if I don't do the shifts!). But I do love the job I did it for years before my son came along why should I just have to give it up? I'd be so much better off financially if I did! I don't get tax credits or help with rent etc and on a part time wage it's bloody hard! But my part time wage is over this mysterious 'limit' that would allow me help. I have friends who work in less paid jobs who are much better off than me. But all along I know in years to come I will be able to earn a good living and return to full time shift work.

OP posts:
lordStrange · 15/01/2015 17:13

My sympathies op. Would a babysitting service have helped in this situation?

YonicSleighdriver · 15/01/2015 17:15

I think a sitting service would be tricky as OP is uncontactable if her son got worse.

CPtart · 15/01/2015 17:15

This is why when my DC are unwell (fortunately not often), I lie and say it's me instead. Strangely this doesn't seem to raise eyebrows unlike the idea of taking time off for childcare issues (NHS again!)

Nicknacky · 15/01/2015 17:16

Right, let's take it back a notch and forget what I would do or what you have done in the past. It's an issue now for your employer and will be if you have to take time off in the future.

What about your sons friends parents. Do you know any of them that would be able to help if needed?

ScotsWhaHae · 15/01/2015 17:16

But I wouldn't stay at home every time they was off with a minor illness, so if I was needed at home my boss would realise it was necessary

So when 'they was off' of w 'minor illness' where would they go if you didn't take time off?

Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 17:18

Nicknacky every friend I know well enough to ask to help with a sick child was not available this week. The joys of being on my own, who would want to risk their own child getting ill? Plus they have their own lives and work.

OP posts:
sarascompact · 15/01/2015 17:18

"But it's not the fault of her employer either."

Nowhere did I indicate that anyone's at fault for the illness of a child. There are two very clear and entirely separate issues here.

  1. A parent's responsibility to a sick child. That may mean the parent caring for their own child where there is no alternative or where need arises.
  1. An employer's responsibility to their business. That means putting into place contingency plans in case of unexpected and unavoidable employee absence, for example by using a temp agency, doing the job themselves, moving someone into a different department temporarily to fill the breach or having other staff available who've agreed to be back up options.

The employee is no more responsible for #2 than the employer is responsible for #1.

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