Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Taking days off work for ill child

250 replies

Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 13:57

I'm venting so please bear with me fellow MNers! My DS was poorly this week, flu like symptoms, laying in bed no energy. He's 12. I'm a single parent with NO support. I work part time in a challenging (but thoroughly enjoyable) job.

Cut a long story short....... I rang work short notice on two occasions this week, to use up my annual leave as DS poorly and I obviously have to look after him. Second time the message wasn't passed on (not my fault!!) and it did cause a bit of hassle with cover etc I appreciate that. So today my boss calls me in, all 'nicey nicey' saying that my son is at secondary school now and exactly what age do I intend leaving him on his own when ill as me going off short notice caused a lot of problems!!!!!! I said what the hell am I supposed to do???!!! He was ill in bed, really not well and you are expecting me to leave him on his own from 7.30am till whenever in the evening (I'm supposed to finish at 4 but nature of the job means it is often 6/7pm!!). I bit my tongue, said sorry, but also I cannot promise it won't happen again as what on earth am I supposed to do?! He was off in December (I

took ONE day annual leave!) as he injured his foot and was on crutches. She said its 'happening a lot'!!!! I've come out and managed to compose myself but I'm fucking FUMING!!! Work have been good, I appreciate that they have their jobs to do. But what on earth am I supposed to do, as a single mum with no support???? She really thinks I would leave an asthmatic 12 year old on his own ALL DAY?????

OP posts:
DisappointedOne · 15/01/2015 14:27

I was absolutely left on my own when Ill from age 11 (secondary school).

Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 14:27

He's not SN no. As I say I do leave him on his own a lot, I have to! But not when he's poorly!

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 15/01/2015 14:28

The thing is that it's not down to them to "appreciate" his illness or your family circumstances. They could be making you take emergency unpaid leave and whether you can afford it is not their problem.
I think you need to be thinking about how to deal with this if it happens again and assuring your employer of your commitment to your job.

Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 14:28

Plus I'm not in an office and can quickly get home if needed. I can be out of reach for hours is never live with myself if something happened.

OP posts:
RedSoloCup · 15/01/2015 14:29

To be fair I was left home alone with flu (and yes it was proper flu worst I've ever felt in my life I still remember) aged 7-8ish.

I was instructed to not answer the door to anyone and my mum would phone a few times a day to make sure I was okay.

I wouldn't leave even my eldest who's 9 now, it's all changed so much, but surely at his age he is as capable of looking after himself as you would be at looking after yourself in the same position.

Big bottle of water by the bed etc...

Viviennemary · 15/01/2015 14:29

I think work is being a bit unreasonable. You have taken annual leave and not made up a tale about being ill yourself. I think 12 is probably old enough to be left. With a phone or kind neighbour who will keep an eye on things.

ilovesooty · 15/01/2015 14:29

Oh and I hope he feels better soon.

Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 14:31

Sooty I did assure my boss that I do actually love my job. She knows I do. I am committed to it ive done it 19 years. But I'm committed to my son more. I've been on my own 9 years I don't think I've done so bad so far with regards to taking time off for childcare. X

OP posts:
GlitzAndGigglesx · 15/01/2015 14:31

I can see where your employer is coming from as it's still a business being run, but never would I feel comfortable leaving a 12yo for that long especially when they're unwell

ilovesooty · 15/01/2015 14:31

Yes but Viviennemary I imagine it's impacted on other people's rotas.

Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 14:32

Thanks sooty he's gone back to school today so all good so far lol x

OP posts:
flashfalshflash · 15/01/2015 14:32

YANBU

For all the self-righteous people carping on this thread about "your poor employer" what would you do in the OP's situation? I can completely understand the OP's reaction to being asked to leave her child alone.

Join a union OP, and ask for their support to get your employer to implement a proper program of carers' leave. If you work in emergency care and they are public service employers, they should have one anyway. It would be worth finding out.

PurpleSwift · 15/01/2015 14:33

At that age I was left alone unless I was vomiting a lot etc. I knew how to phone my mam and she'd phone me several time a day. It is maybe time to consider when you will leave him however I don't think it was your employers place to bring this up right now.

Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 14:34

My point is what could I do??? If I had someone who could've had him, I would've. All my friends and neighbours work during the day. I have no family to ask snd his dad is 50 miles away and no support. I even contemplated asking the 87 year old down the road!!!!!! Yes I get tha desperate. But I stood by my responsibilities! X

OP posts:
morethanpotatoprints · 15/01/2015 14:36

There is no way I'd have left one of mine at this age if they were ill.
I don't do home alone until about 13, for any length of time.

The gov can't carry on insisting that people with no cc cover work.
Just because some people are happy to leave their children home alone when they are sick doesn't make it right/wrong its opinion and personal preference.

I'm afraid if it was me they would have to sack me, and from the next job, and the next. There is no way any job is more important than my kids.

morethanpotatoprints · 15/01/2015 14:37

long length of time, not any amount of time

Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 14:38

Flash I am in a union but feel it harsh to inform my rep as I know how hotheaded he is and as much as I'm feeling pissed off I don't want to cause trouble I just needed my lovely MNers to help me see the situation in its real light. X

OP posts:
GlitzAndGigglesx · 15/01/2015 14:43

My workplace got annoyed with me the other week for the same reason. I asked 3 days in advance to have a day or 2 off as dependency leave and was told I could use my annual leave instead. I understand how annoying it is but I wasn't happy taking my dd to nursery where she wouldn't feel herself and would most likely pass her cold on to other children which would probably affect other parents too. It's tough with kids!

KirjavaTheCat · 15/01/2015 14:44

Yanbu. I would feel uncomfortable with leaving a sick 12yo alone all day.

It wasn't your boss' place to bring that up with you at that time. This could have been brought up in a much more professional manner, in a back-to-work meeting for example, or even a quick chat during work hours, to see if you need any support or to discuss procedure with you.

flashfalshflash · 15/01/2015 14:44

That is what unions are for! That's what you pay your subs for - to get support with issues like this. It is not about causing trouble.

Otherwise the next time your son is ill the same thing will happen again and you will be very stressed if you have to call them and say you are not coming in. What if they decide to give you a warning?

I hope you find a longer term solution.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 15/01/2015 14:45

How difficult is it for your Ex to step up? 50 miles away means he could have called into work with the same notice and been with you within 2 hrs.

Frankly if your son has asthma you need to take extra precautions so you have my sympathies.

Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 14:45

Plus I'd already booked yesterday as annual leave but agreed to cancel it and come in due to being short staffed. I'd phoned to say my DS was still poorly and to rebook the leave but the message wasn't passed on. I'm working 25 hours overtime this week as it is, fair enough, I'm doing it as I need the money, but full time staff get time and 1/2 I don't!

OP posts:
NoLongerJustAShopGirl · 15/01/2015 14:46

The union would have to tell you to follow the correct procedure for the workplace - which is usually ring in to say you need emergency leave as your child is ill.

This may or may not be paid.

Ringing in to take AL at short notice is probably why you were talked to. When I worked in emergency services (coastguard) we had to give 2 weeks notice for AL - this was written in our contract. Emergency leave was unpaid.

funkyfoam · 15/01/2015 14:46

Sometimes it's hard to leave even an adult with really nasty flu. It's such a horrible illness. It's really difficult being the sole responsible adult. Let's hope you have an illness free Spring and Summer term

Nicknacky · 15/01/2015 14:48

I'm not sure there is much the federation can do, to be honest. I've used them before and they pretty much stick to the party line.

Think outside the box a bit, he is old enough to be left. Is there a neighbour, a school friends parent, a colleague who is day off, who can check in on him if he is home ill? Someone doesn't need to stay with him, just pop their head round the door.

It's understandable wanting to be home but you can't stay off for the duration of an illness.