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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Taking days off work for ill child

250 replies

Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 13:57

I'm venting so please bear with me fellow MNers! My DS was poorly this week, flu like symptoms, laying in bed no energy. He's 12. I'm a single parent with NO support. I work part time in a challenging (but thoroughly enjoyable) job.

Cut a long story short....... I rang work short notice on two occasions this week, to use up my annual leave as DS poorly and I obviously have to look after him. Second time the message wasn't passed on (not my fault!!) and it did cause a bit of hassle with cover etc I appreciate that. So today my boss calls me in, all 'nicey nicey' saying that my son is at secondary school now and exactly what age do I intend leaving him on his own when ill as me going off short notice caused a lot of problems!!!!!! I said what the hell am I supposed to do???!!! He was ill in bed, really not well and you are expecting me to leave him on his own from 7.30am till whenever in the evening (I'm supposed to finish at 4 but nature of the job means it is often 6/7pm!!). I bit my tongue, said sorry, but also I cannot promise it won't happen again as what on earth am I supposed to do?! He was off in December (I

took ONE day annual leave!) as he injured his foot and was on crutches. She said its 'happening a lot'!!!! I've come out and managed to compose myself but I'm fucking FUMING!!! Work have been good, I appreciate that they have their jobs to do. But what on earth am I supposed to do, as a single mum with no support???? She really thinks I would leave an asthmatic 12 year old on his own ALL DAY?????

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Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 14:49

Treadsoftly trust me 9 years ago I went thru a solicitor to try to get my ex to have more regular contact but he refused and there's nothing I can do about it. He has me over a barrel as I NEED him to have our son to enable to me work the unsocial hours my job requires. I can't force him to do something as as much as I'd like to tell him to fuck off I can't as my son does actually adore him!

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Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 14:52

Nolonger it's work who said I take it as annual leave, I didn't just ring up and demand it. Due to short staffing folk are not able to get the full lot of leave in, it's a nightmare, so if they did say I had to take the days as unpaid leave, they'd struggle to let me use the leave anyway so I'm doing them a favour by taking it! If you see what I mean? X

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Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 14:54

Nicknacky yes sometimes a neighbour may be about and if there had been, I would've done that. But on these occasions there wasn't.

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YonicSleighdriver · 15/01/2015 14:57

". I asked 3 days in advance to have a day or 2 off as dependency leave"

Dependency leave is for emergencies, though. You can request unpaid parental leave for a week at a time.

CaspoFungin · 15/01/2015 15:00

Just to say of course full time staff get time and a half overtime and part time staff don't. Otherwise everybody would work part time but do extra hours overtime and the company would be paying out a lot more money!

I don't have a 12 year old so in my head a 12 year old is capable of being left alone when ill for the day, but I appreciate after reading this thread that maybe that isn't the case. Does your boss have kids? Maybe they think 12 is old enough to be left alone because they don't have experience of looking after a 12 year old.

ilovesooty · 15/01/2015 15:01

And unpaid parental leave needs more than 3 days notice.

Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 15:02

I just feel that as a single parent (yes I know it's not my employers fault...... It's not mine either I didn't choose to be a single parent) when my child is quite poorly (we are not taking feeling a bit sick, he had flu like symptoms and has asthma), I have nobody to help and friends and neighbours work through the day, what am I supposed to do????? That's it. In a nutshell.

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YonicSleighdriver · 15/01/2015 15:02

Yy sooty.

Nicknacky · 15/01/2015 15:04

And we are trying to help. I understand it's frustrating but surely you can see that your employers want you at work?

Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 15:05

Caspo yes my boss has a grownup son..... Whom she left with his father! And at 12, I consider him to be left on his own quite safely, as I do generally in my working week, sometimes till quite late due to late jobs. But not when he's lying in bed, with a high temp and wheezy chest.

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flashfalshflash · 15/01/2015 15:08

The union will push for a proper carers' leave policy NoLongerJustAShopGirl - children's illnesses are unpredictable and happen at short notice - you can't give 2 weeks notice for them.

The OP should not have to take annual leave to look after her sick child. People should not have to be begging their employer to be off.

A parents' website and people are very keen on rights for employers but not rights for parents, especially single parents it seems.

Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 15:09

Nicknacky it's all helping that's why I posted on here. I want differing views as sometimes I'm quite blinkered! But I stand by the fact that, as a medical professional, I didn't leave my poorly asthmatic son home alone from 7.30-whenever. If he'd had a sore tummy, a headache etc then maybe? Monday night I was on the verge of taking him to our local walk in centre to be nebulised. I just feel my boss was harsh saying I should've left him. If I didn't give a shit about my job this wouldn't bother me.but it does, as I love my job a do have struggled over the past 9 years to keep it trying to juggle this and my son.

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Nicknacky · 15/01/2015 15:10

shoegal what did you do when your child was younger when he was ill?

schokolade · 15/01/2015 15:11

Not much in the way of helpful advice from me. But I wanted to say you have my sympathy OP. I'm in a similar position and it's horrible. You're really trapped. You know your employer has a point but there's not a huge amount you can do about it is there... hugs from me!

GlitzAndGigglesx · 15/01/2015 15:12

Yonic I wasn't sure there was a difference. I explained why I needed the time off to my manager who granted annual leave

sooty I would've given more notice if I knew she was going to be unwell and not fit for nursery

Nicknacky · 15/01/2015 15:12

flash there are policies to assist parents but no federation or union is going to push for parents to be off for the duration of a child's minor illness! There would never be any staff on duty then.

Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 15:13

I did exactly the same. I phoned up work and said I couldn't come in. They decided whether it was 'carers leave' or annual leave. In 9 years ive never been in this situation maybe that's why it's bothered me? As if my boss thinks now my son at secondary school he's ok to be left home alone when ill??

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schokolade · 15/01/2015 15:13

Do work know how ill DC was? Might ut help if you tell them you're prepared to leave him with more minor ailments in future but this time was different?

Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 15:15

Schoko I did say I'd try my best to not let it happen in the future but children get ill I can't predict it? Xx

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Italiangreyhound · 15/01/2015 15:16

I agree with morethanpotatoprints, well said.

I don't think a sick 12 year old should be left alone all day from early morning until early evening.

I think flashfalshflash has made a very good suggestion. If you are in the union I would try and talk to them confidentially. Or rather maybe go back to your boss first, explain again, you are only taking paid leave when in an emergency, yes it is short notice but that is the nature of illness and how do they want you to handle this if/when it comes up again. If they cannot help you the I would say the union may be more helpful.

I think Viviennemary is right. If you were also fighting the bug yourself you might have been calling in sick yourself!

You say you often stay late, ...till whenever in the evening (I'm supposed to finish at 4 but nature of the job means it is often 6/7pm!!) is this because you do more than your role? If you are doing more than you should it sounds like they are getting a good deal out of you. Maybe if they are going to be difficult about this area you could choose not to do extra work, is it unpaid work?

You also said Plus I'd already booked yesterday as annual leave but agreed to cancel it and come in due to being short staffed. and I'm working 25 hours overtime this week as it is, fair enough, I'm doing it as I need the money, but full time staff get time and 1/2 I don't! You sound a contentious worker and they are making out you are not because of something beyond your control here.

It' just my opinion but I would ask how they want you to handle this.

Whatever you decide to do YANBU it is not their place to tell you when to leave your son.

According to the very helpful link that LadySybilLikesSloeGin linked to you can have time off to arrange child care. I wonder what happens if you cannot arrange it?

Loletta · 15/01/2015 15:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nicknacky · 15/01/2015 15:19

italian as someone also in emergency services, it's common to get held on for hours after your duty is supposed to end and all her colleagues will be in the same boat. I can't choose not to do it, if I'm in the middle of dealing with an incident I can't leave it. I imagine it's similar for the op.

ilovesooty · 15/01/2015 15:21

If you can't arrange back up care you have to take the time off unpaid. You're entitled to reasonable paid emergency care in order to arrange back up care

ilovesooty · 15/01/2015 15:22

But I don't think your employer should be discussing this on the phone. Discussion needs to happen at a formal back to work meeting.

Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 15:23

Italiangreyhound I work in emergency services so the nature of the job means it's very unpredictable and late finishes are sadly part of the job. I know this and accept this but this is part of the reason I didn't leave my DS. If I was in an office, with the ability to down tools and be home in a flash, maybe I'd be more inclined to leave my son when ill (tho NOT in the state he was in this week!) but I am often unreachable for hours and cannot just drop a job to come home for my son. So this plays a big part in my decision. I do get paid overtime when going over my shift which all helps but again, it's really hard sometimes as my son does lots of after school activities and he misses a lot of them due to my late finishes. I sometimes feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall.

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