Taking days off work for ill child

[Shoegal0305]

I'm venting so please bear with me fellow MNers! My DS was poorly this week, flu like symptoms, laying in bed no energy. He's 12. I'm a single parent with NO support. I work part time in a challenging (but thoroughly enjoyable) job.

Cut a long story short....... I rang work short notice on two occasions this week, to use up my annual leave as DS poorly and I obviously have to look after him. Second time the message wasn't passed on (not my fault!!) and it did cause a bit of hassle with cover etc I appreciate that. So today my boss calls me in, all 'nicey nicey' saying that my son is at secondary school now and exactly what age do I intend leaving him on his own when ill as me going off short notice caused a lot of problems!!!!!! I said what the hell am I supposed to do???!!! He was ill in bed, really not well and you are expecting me to leave him on his own from 7.30am till whenever in the evening (I'm supposed to finish at 4 but nature of the job means it is often 6/7pm!!). I bit my tongue, said sorry, but also I cannot promise it won't happen again as what on earth am I supposed to do?! He was off in December (I

took ONE day annual leave!) as he injured his foot and was on crutches. She said its 'happening a lot'!!!! I've come out and managed to compose myself but I'm fucking FUMING!!! Work have been good, I appreciate that they have their jobs to do. But what on earth am I supposed to do, as a single mum with no support???? She really thinks I would leave an asthmatic 12 year old on his own ALL DAY?????

I'm another one fully sympathetic to the OP and supportive of her situation (she only came on for a vent after all) - and yes after a few years as an LP keeping a home and a job going, there isn't too much time left to build up those friendship networks and yes, it is possible that the few friendships that you can maintain aren't in a position to help because they work, have their own commitments or live too far away. And yes it is possible to have no family or an unhelpful family. And yes it is possible to have a complete arse of an ex who is little help but yet your child adores them. And all of those things put together makes for a gruelling life that can be tough, really hard, and mostly thankless.

And yet, the OP still does one of the most difficult jobs you can do. Well done OP, really well done - you are obviously a really great person in many ways.

Shoe - yes the virus is mutating but the vaccine is continually redeveloped as well so would definately recomened it. Really surprised to hear your GP said only for recent hospital admissions, that's really bad advice and the department of health recomeneds anyone with asthma to have the vaccination. They don't give it out willy nilly and those offered it are offered it because they are in such a high risk group for severe complications.

Thankyou your messages are starting to make me feel emotional so I'm coming off the thread now. MN really is like a family support unit to me, I feel incredibly isolated a lot of the time and apart from DS, work is the only thing that keeps me going. Xxx

"Then between now and the end of 2015 u urge you to find some support and maybe other single mums . With help it can be ' you scratch my back , I'll scratch yours ' "

paristoberlin I can't think of many things I'd like less or be less likely to do than care for other people's children, especially when ill, so personally I wouldn't be making those kinds of friendships or arrangements.

I couldn't agree more with Front. Shoegal you should be immensely proud of your achievements and courage in what must be a tremendously difficult job.

Op I'm on your side
Who looked after your son after school until presumably recently? You say you can't guarantee finish time so I assume you had flexible arrangements?
Also what does happen when the school need to ring?

I had to rely on friends to help as do different days every week so after school clubs etc were a no-no, as they require pre booking of certain days. I've been lucky in that it doesn't very often fall on days when I'm at work that school have rang me! When it has I just have to come home but obviously can't do that in the middle of a job lol. It's been extremely hard! X

I don't know anyone to call on when my DD is sick. DP gets no end of sh*t when he takes a day off at short notice, I am fortunate enough to have a sympathetic employer. It is entirely possible for people not to have a plan b. All my friends work. It's hard enough with two parents available, can't imagine how difficult it is with one.

I just want to say I sympathise OP! Mum with sick kids here! WFH this week. And sick myself. Bloody bugs - am convinced they're transmitted bay email.

The flu virus is constantly mutating. That is why there isn't a vaccine for life. And whatever vaccine is offered each year isn't protects against the one strain of flu it's felt most likely to be a problem. So it's pretty hit and miss.

*only, not isn't.

It's rubbish for the company but what are parents supposed to do with sick dc. You get unpaid time to organise childcare. Who willingly looks after ill dc? I am always willing to help friends with dc but I wouldn't take an ill dc and risk bringing that into my house. My family all live hours away and work themselves, cms won't take ill dc, nursery won't, schools won't, so what do managers expect you to do? Genuine question - it scares me. Luckily so far my dc are very healthy but with 3dc they are bound to get chicken pox. No idea what I'll do.

Shoegal - you deserve a bloody medal - am a single parent working shifts for Nhs so I know how tough it can be - and I have a good ex who can sometimes step in... I have loads of friends bur they all work too and have no other support - I wouldn't leave a wheezy child either xx

I wouldn't be apologising and being all meek and mild either. I'd be pointing out that you have very rarely needed to take last minute leave for DS over the last few years, that he was seriously ill and with athsma you would have been seriously neglecting him if you had left him, he could have become seriously ill at any time, and that you will leave him when it's appropriate to do so, but this time it wasn't. And you can't just refuse to turn up and collect an injured child from school fgs, they'd be on the phone to social services I'd imagine.
You can tell that people have no idea and have never been in your position, when you say that you have no one to do this, and they are replying to just say, well you must make sure you make arrangements. Sometimes you can't. I have a DH. And now have family near but can't always get them to have the kids as can't risk elderly parents catching some of the bugs the kids have. Sometimes I have to stay off with them. It is up to your work to make arrangements for emergency cover as well.
Be interesting to see if you have male colleagues that have taken emergency dep leave/annual leve. How have they been treated?
I'd keep a note of the circumstances and the conversation as if your boss starts being awkward about this you may need to get some advice.

It's a nightmare isn't it, I have a dd 12yrs with serious asthma(she was hospitalised in November for 4 days and her attendence was only about 80%). I am married but still difficult to juggle, i'm a pharmacist so can't just leave work and dh works for a small firm(only 4 of them so if one off and another on deliveries he can't always leave unless it is an absolute emergency). At the moment we're trying to work different days but that means we have little family time. Dd can go downhill very rapidly from a slight wheeze to needing nebulisers and also has mild asd so can't be left as I know she's not a good judge of how bad her chest is. I've had to take her into work with me before now while cover has been organised.

I'm keeping a close eye on her at the moment as her chest has been tight and wheezy and her peak flow has dropped so am hoping that she is not brewing another infection.

Thanks guys. I've slept on it and decided to let it go. I do see my bosses view but my argument is what choice did I have??? I'm gonna run it past my Union rep (who's also a friend so it will all be in confidence) just to pre-empt anything. My boss never said there was any further action but I want to be prepared just in case. Hey ho my DS is actually off to his dad's this weekend so two 12 (12+!!!) hour late shifts to look forward to! X

Good girl ! Enjoy (!) some you time working for 24 hours to save us all

You rock op !!

I am shocked at a lot of the replies on this thread.
If the child had a dad cold or something then I might leave them , but whe they are properly poorly with something like flu- No way! That is why emergency dependants leave was brought in to protect people like the OP from twattish employers.

I am amazed by all the posters who would call on their friends/family for help.

Your child is sick, look after him yourself.

OP did the right thing......

I wouldn't leave a poorly 12 year old either, depending on how bad the illness was.

The business about 'making arrangements' annoys me the most. Who else would want to look after your ill child, possibly risking becoming poorly themselves?

I appreciate that workplaces need their staff in order to operate but when a child is ill there isn't a realistic option for most working parents other than looking after the child themselves.

Until very recently I was a HCP in the NHS and you are entitled to 6 days paid emergency carer's leave per rolling year. So if your first emergency day off was in Sep you would have 5 days left till the following Sep for looking after a dependent. Obviously you cant roll them forward if don't take them but over 9 years you've only taken 0.5 days.

There was never any hassle in my department about taking them but I have a friend who is a nurse and she was made to take a couple of days annual leave when her child was ill. Doesn't seem like the rules are consistently applied throughout the NHS and but you should clarify with your union rep

YANBU. Fuck me there are some kippers on this thread The poor employer my asscheeks. Any decent employer should be able to support their staff and make arrangements to cover. Go to the union, your child comes first.

I think the point is that the OP wanted to be paid which is why she asked to take it as annual leave. Certainly in education, only the first day of dependant leave in the year is paid. Any more will be authorised but unpaid.

Lulu I don't mind using the leave. My point and my problem was in my boss, who knows my situation and knows I have no support, suggesting that as my son now at secondary school it is acceptable for me to leave him home alone when poorly. X

Hi, Shoegal - where I work, we have access to an agency that provides emergency care, not just for children but for any dependant you have carer responsibilities for.

I don't know how much it costs or how heavily it might be subsidised by our employer - or even whether individuals can access it (or whether you can only access it as part of a scheme) - but if you like, I can get some information on it for you next week.

I am totally on your side OP. If your child is poorly (and a 12 year old with flu and asthma is very definitely poorly) you have to stay with him. I have a 12 year old. She's very independent but there is no way we would leave her those long hours of she was ill.

I'm very lucky to have a fantastically supportive employer and a DW to help me (when she's not working away) so I have a huge amount of respect for you coping without that support. As you said up thread, you are committed to your job but of course you are more committed to your son. You did the right thing, you did the only thing you could. I honestly don't think you'll look back on this and think "I should've gone to work". One blip because of something you had no control over against 19 years service??? Come on!