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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Taking days off work for ill child

250 replies

Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 13:57

I'm venting so please bear with me fellow MNers! My DS was poorly this week, flu like symptoms, laying in bed no energy. He's 12. I'm a single parent with NO support. I work part time in a challenging (but thoroughly enjoyable) job.

Cut a long story short....... I rang work short notice on two occasions this week, to use up my annual leave as DS poorly and I obviously have to look after him. Second time the message wasn't passed on (not my fault!!) and it did cause a bit of hassle with cover etc I appreciate that. So today my boss calls me in, all 'nicey nicey' saying that my son is at secondary school now and exactly what age do I intend leaving him on his own when ill as me going off short notice caused a lot of problems!!!!!! I said what the hell am I supposed to do???!!! He was ill in bed, really not well and you are expecting me to leave him on his own from 7.30am till whenever in the evening (I'm supposed to finish at 4 but nature of the job means it is often 6/7pm!!). I bit my tongue, said sorry, but also I cannot promise it won't happen again as what on earth am I supposed to do?! He was off in December (I

took ONE day annual leave!) as he injured his foot and was on crutches. She said its 'happening a lot'!!!! I've come out and managed to compose myself but I'm fucking FUMING!!! Work have been good, I appreciate that they have their jobs to do. But what on earth am I supposed to do, as a single mum with no support???? She really thinks I would leave an asthmatic 12 year old on his own ALL DAY?????

OP posts:

flashfalshflash · 15/01/2015 16:11

ilovesooty you seem very down with the employers and against other women - particularly single parents.

Do you know why this site was set up - to support women and make their lives easier - not for you to come on with a bit of abuse and threats of the sack for people when you fancy a bunfight.

sarascompact · 15/01/2015 16:14

"If you ring in sick yourself rather than accept unpaid leave for emergency childcare it's fraud and you deserve to be sacked for misconduct if you're discovered."

sooty -

Practically it may make no difference. I, for example, didn't get paid sick leave so whether the reason was child illness or mine I'd be absent from work and the employer would pay nothing during that time.

In my own case I got fired anyway so it made no difference!

I'd lay bets that you're not a lone parent or if you are you're fortunate enough to either have a very understanding employer, to not work at all, to work for yourself or to work for an employer but to have family and/or friends around to take up the slack when one of your kids is ill.

YonicSleighdriver · 15/01/2015 16:14

Very unfair, flash. Sooty is pointing out the risks.

Nicknacky · 15/01/2015 16:15

flash The employer has policies in line with their legal requirements.

And we aren't just talking about this one incident of illness, the op was off last month as well. There will need to be some contingencies in place until the op feels her child is old enough. There is no indication that this was a serious illness.

And sooty is rightly pointing out what the consequences can be by falsely calming to be ill.

ilovesooty · 15/01/2015 16:19

Exactly. Thank you Yonic

My company is really understanding about emergency childcare. It's paid for a while but if you're off longer term it's annual leave or unpaid . We pull together as a team to help each other out. What wouldn't be acceptable is people whose children were sick claiming they were ill themselves. That's dishonest.
I don't see where I've abused anyone.

ilovesooty · 15/01/2015 16:20

And thanks Nicknacky

Nicknacky · 15/01/2015 16:25

Tbh, this would also be an issue for a married parent who's partner worked away, or was in the armed forces. The employer would expect them also to have contingencies in place.

sarascompact · 15/01/2015 16:26

"My company is really understanding about emergency childcare. It's paid for a while but if you're off longer term it's annual leave or unpaid . We pull together as a team to help each other out. What wouldn't be acceptable is people whose children were sick claiming they were ill themselves."

Your colleagues obviously don't need to call in sick when they have an ill child, do they? There's a bit of a difference, no?

You can afford to take the higher moral ground and spout stuff about "work ethics" when the company you work for doesn't put you in a position of caring for your child or keeping your job!

Nicknacky · 15/01/2015 16:28

saras what do you expect companies to do though? Allow parents to remain at home for 1/2/3 weeks while a child is unwell (obviously I'm not talking about serious illness).

LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 15/01/2015 16:36

The op wasn't off for 1/2/3 weeks though, she was off for 1 day. It would take longer to organise emergency childcare so she was better off caring for her child herself.

Nicknacky · 15/01/2015 16:38

My point was that an employee can't expect to stay at home for the duration of an illness regardless of how long it is.

sarascompact · 15/01/2015 16:39

In much the same way as they would "allow" an employee to remain at home while they were genuinely unwell, Nick. There's no difference to the employer in practical terms; employee or employee's child sickness or injury, they still have to have to find someone to take the employee's place.

If you have no-one to care for your child (or as in my case it was clear that my child needed me and no-one else) then you have no-one. You cannot wave a wand and magic up non existent willing and able family or friends. You just can't. Real world, real life, we don't all have Mary Poppins waiting in the wings.

Feminine · 15/01/2015 16:41

I feel really sorry for you op
I was self employed when l worked, l had no idea one couldn't take time off easily (if your child was ill)
Really, no idea at all.
I was going to try and find work within the next couple of years, l am so put off now.
I have a husband that works, and it would be difficult for us.
How on earth do single parents do it.
My sister is in Norway. Not one of her employers has ever questioned her when she needed to stay at home with her poorly children.
The UK is unbelievably backward.
The government wants us all in work eh?

Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 16:43

Nicknacky I did reply but it's obviously got lost on the thread. It's never been an issue before hence why I was kinda put out when she queried me. I've always phoned in and said my son is ill and I can't come in. They've either taken it off me as leave or carers leave, can't remember? The NHS has a family friendly front and I can't complain as ive always felt supported but today I just thought my boss was out of order for suggesting I should've left my son at home whilst ill! Please let's not turn this into a slanging match I just wanted some friendly advice as to whether I'd over reacted? I appreciate all your replies and I do see both sides of it. But, and it's a big but, I feel my boss out or order on this occasion im a fully qualified paramedic with 19 year experience I wouldn't even keep my son off school with something trivial. The implications for flu like symptoms to progress in an asthmatic are too scary to imagine and I know because I've been called out to these jobs many times!!!! XX

OP posts:

Nicknacky · 15/01/2015 16:44

If you are ill then that's unavoidable and no one can take your place lol!

And in jobs like the emergency services, there isn't another member of staff to step in. So the employer will want you in.

But I think we all need to agree that if you are a working parent, particularly in a job that doesn't offer flexibility then really, you need a contingency. It's hard, I grant you but if the op's employer allows her to stay at home then they would have to let everyone and that isn't sustainable for a business.

Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 16:47

Nicknacky seriously, and I'm not being confrontational here, what is the answer????? Leave him at home? Not on this occasion! Family? Have none. Friends? Working during the day! Dad? Not at all supportive, lives 50 miles away snd I can't physically MAKE him come and get his son! What else????

OP posts:

Nicknacky · 15/01/2015 16:48

shoegal who is turning it into a slanging match? I must have missed your reply, apologies.

I'm not unsympathetic, really. I'm in a heavily male orientated job and I feel strongly that as a working mother that I'm treated the same, but that works both ways.

Up until now, it's not been an issue for you but now it is. No employer expects you to work if your child is seriously ill, but for minor ailments ten they do.

ilovesooty · 15/01/2015 16:48

But the kind of company that would sack you for taking emergency childcare leave wouldn't be very tolerant of genuine illness either and that's all wrong. It doesn't just affect mother's or even women but carers of all kinds.
At my last school a husband and wife who taught there were driven out of their jobs because they had a chronically sick child, which was disgraceful. Someone else was threatened because they had a sick elderly parent.
If you call in sick when you aren't you're storing up trouble as that time will be counted towards capability when you actually are sick.

youarekiddingme · 15/01/2015 16:49

Can you explain it's due to not knowing when you'll finish - eg on time. Point out if you knew you finished at 4 and would get away at 4 it would be less of a problem for certain illnesses.

sarascompact · 15/01/2015 16:50

"If you are ill then that's unavoidable and no one can take your place lol!"

And if my CHILD is ill that's unavoidable and no-one can take my place!

(I'm not adding"lol" because I really don't see what's so funny or what's so hard to understand).

Shoegal, knowing now what you do for a living and how much expertise you have I'm even more convinced that YANBU and that your boss is being a bit on the obtuse side to say the least.

Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 16:51

Nick so you are suggesting I SHOULDVE left him at home alone?

OP posts:

Nicknacky · 15/01/2015 16:52

shoegal apologies, you appear to only want people to agree your employer is unreasonable. I can't do that, I'm afraid. If you have managed to stay at home whenever your child is ill for this long, then you can't blame your employer for expecting you to make arrangements. I don't know what they are, I'm not you.

Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 16:52

Youarekiddingme I explained about the late finishes etc but unfortunately that can't be helped my boss cannot guarantee I finish on time it's the nature of the job x

OP posts:

Nicknacky · 15/01/2015 16:53

I have no idea if you should have! And I didn't suggest you should.

ScotsWhaHae · 15/01/2015 16:53

Shoe, you put a notice in the local supermarket asking for a random to look after your sick child. I mean what could possibly go wrong?

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