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AIBU?

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Original poster

Taking days off work for ill child

250 replies

Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 13:57

I'm venting so please bear with me fellow MNers! My DS was poorly this week, flu like symptoms, laying in bed no energy. He's 12. I'm a single parent with NO support. I work part time in a challenging (but thoroughly enjoyable) job.

Cut a long story short....... I rang work short notice on two occasions this week, to use up my annual leave as DS poorly and I obviously have to look after him. Second time the message wasn't passed on (not my fault!!) and it did cause a bit of hassle with cover etc I appreciate that. So today my boss calls me in, all 'nicey nicey' saying that my son is at secondary school now and exactly what age do I intend leaving him on his own when ill as me going off short notice caused a lot of problems!!!!!! I said what the hell am I supposed to do???!!! He was ill in bed, really not well and you are expecting me to leave him on his own from 7.30am till whenever in the evening (I'm supposed to finish at 4 but nature of the job means it is often 6/7pm!!). I bit my tongue, said sorry, but also I cannot promise it won't happen again as what on earth am I supposed to do?! He was off in December (I

took ONE day annual leave!) as he injured his foot and was on crutches. She said its 'happening a lot'!!!! I've come out and managed to compose myself but I'm fucking FUMING!!! Work have been good, I appreciate that they have their jobs to do. But what on earth am I supposed to do, as a single mum with no support???? She really thinks I would leave an asthmatic 12 year old on his own ALL DAY?????

OP posts:
Lezprechaun · 15/01/2015 19:05

Loletta - not judgemental at all if you read my full post I said I don't see any issues with it just I PERSONALLY couldn't cope, that isn't judging anyone else who choses to do so!

HelenaDove · 15/01/2015 19:05

Of course she isnt drip feeding. It really pisses me off when i see ppl accused of this. Sometimes there isnt time to write every little thing in the OP.

"At my uni interview for midwifery they asked us about family support and what would happen in the event of a sick child etc"

I wonder if male midwives entering the profession get asked the same Hmm

Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 19:06

Lezprechaun the point I'm trying to make is, what back up plan can I have in place when I have no support? When school ring me as DS poorly, or injured, who else picks him up? Friends work during the day themselves? No family? You state to move closer to family? I have none!!! And his asthma is very well controlled I generally don't worry but it's viral induced. When he's ill and his asthma is triggered then it's a lot more likely for an attack to occur! Needing his puffer hourly you really think it's sensible to leave him home alone with some friend popping in every now and again!?

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 15/01/2015 19:08

Don't see how she's drip feeding.

She was a paramedic before she was a single parent. I think someone passionate about their job shouldn't be the butt of criticism for trying to continue it.

Lezprechaun · 15/01/2015 19:08

That would be really interesting to know actually Helena! There are so few male midwives so wouldn't be comparable really but I would guess that they don't.

Loletta · 15/01/2015 19:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lezprechaun · 15/01/2015 19:12

I've repeatedly said that no I don't think he should have been left alone with his asthma the way it was, I made the point several times that I was referring to the foot injury as not being an emergency. Do you really have not a single friend that dosnt work every day? Not in a sarcastic way just I can't imagine knowing no one at all. I can think of at least 10 friends that don't work / are on maternity leave / only work part time etc. that would help me out in an emergency as I would do for them.

Loletta · 15/01/2015 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HelenaDove · 15/01/2015 19:13

Loving how some on this thread think they know more about asthma than a TRAINED MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL

Lezprechaun · 15/01/2015 19:14

Loletta - read my post fgs, I didn't once say she shouldn't do her job! I said that I WOULDN'T! That's my perception and my choice, I admire anyone that does continue working as a single parent and an experienced paramedic such as the OP is vital in the NHS!

YonicSleighdriver · 15/01/2015 19:15

She was called by school for an x ray about the foot. That is an emergency situation.

Her son is 12, unlikely she knows anyone on mat leave.

And she is not drip feeding.

HelenaDove · 15/01/2015 19:16

i bet they dont either Lez.

Loletta · 15/01/2015 19:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lezprechaun · 15/01/2015 19:18

Yonic - she only mentioned the call from school AFTER I said it wasn't an emergency though and I agree she had to go, I'm only referring to the foot again to clarify I wasn't talking about the asthma and leaving him alone.

Also my daughter is 13 and I know 4 people on maternity leave right now, I don't understand where your child's age relates to that, am I being really dense?

YonicSleighdriver · 15/01/2015 19:21

I mean, you tend to make friends with mums at the same stage as you (at toddler group, school gate or whatever) and by the time one child is 12, it's quite rare to have another under 1.

It's still not drip feeding, it's responding to posts.

Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 19:22

I don't have any friends on maternity leave. I'd like to think I have a few CLOSE friends whom I could rely on, and yes, they all work. The foot incident was out of my control as I say what was I supposed to do when I'm contacted by school? And even if pals HAD been about was I also supposed to further put themselves out and take him for an X-ray? And now this week he's had a nasty flu like bug, again what was I supposed to do?

OP posts:
Lezprechaun · 15/01/2015 19:26

Ah ok I see your point. I had my daughter young so my friends had children a couple of years after me and then their second, third are coming along now that my eldest is in secondary school.

Fair enough about the drip feeding, I just feel if she had of mentioned straight away that her son is asthmatic and that the foot injury was a call from school to take him to A&E then people would have recognised them as emergency situations as opposed to questioning why he couldn't be left alone or have a neighbour pop in etc.

Speaking of which, is your employer aware of your sons asthma? I may be wrong but would his diagnosis mean that your work absences come under the DDA? If they are not aware inform them ASAP as it will certainly strengthen your need to be home.

fromparistoberlin73 · 15/01/2015 19:27

Extreme and massive sympathies

A few thoughts

As an asthmatic I sympathise - and the end is in sight ( both his age and winter)
I would definitely eat a but of humble pie with work , apologise and explain message did not get through etc

Then between now and the end of 2015 u urge you to find some support and maybe other single mums . With help it can be ' you scratch my back , I'll scratch yours '

Me neighbours hosted my kids for a bit when I was recovering from surgery. I did their cv and laundry!

There will be others - try and develop a network if you can??

I think some charm will help with work . If you say 'well what else can I do ? I have no support' it puts them in an awkward situation .

Explain , appease and discuss tends to work better

Good luck ! This too shall pass and again ??

Lezprechaun · 15/01/2015 19:29

Shoe - there was clearly nothing you could do, as I've just cross posted with you, now that the full situation is clear. I have had friends collect my children from school, take them to the doctors, sit with them when ill etc. and I have done the same for them but I have several people I know able to do that for me. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to have no one at all.

ilovesooty · 15/01/2015 19:32

Actually that's a good point about work absences related to your child's asthma. To put pressure on you about that might well be discrimination by association under the Equality Act 2010.

Lezprechaun · 15/01/2015 19:32

Just something that's popped into my head shoe - does your son have the flu vaccination? He's entitled to it as an asthmatic and will help prevent the flu symptoms he was so ill with this time? May make next winter a little easier for you both.

Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 19:34

Thankyou all - all the comments are appreciated. I do have a good network of friends but only a few are single parents. And even they have mums, dads, helpful exes etc etc. like you say tho the end is in sight. Things are defo easier. When DS was little it was a living nightmare doing this job...... I needed someone to have DS before and after school and I could never guarantee a finish time. I've seen me ringing round one friend to go and pick up from another all the while stood in a hospital corridor with a patient queueing for beds already 1-2 hours over my finish time. So at least I don't have that problem anymore. Thanks again folks xxx

OP posts:
Lezprechaun · 15/01/2015 19:35

Some quick research, asthma can be classed as disability and therefore is protected under the disability discrimination act and equality act! Make sure your work know of his condition ASAP.

www.asthma.org.uk/knowledge-bank-living-with-asthma-asthma-at-work-having-asthma-at-work

Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 19:40

Lezprechaun yes he is entitled to it but the last few years has t had it as GP advises only those with recent hospital admissions. I've agreed with that so far, as I say his asthma is well controlled (I'm often there with my stethoscope!!), but I think this year he will have it. I always have my flu jab but I swear I had a mild form of flu last week. Did some research and the virus can mutate this year? Anyway work are usually great support. This is why I was so shocked today. Just because DS started secondary school doesn't make him any less susceptible to illness?! So yes they know about his asthma, ive called on various work colleagues to come and nebulise DS. X

OP posts:
MrsPiggie · 15/01/2015 19:41

You did the only thing you could have done, shoe. I don't know what this mythical emergency child care is either, DH and I share the kids' sick days but otherwise there is no one we could turn to. No family within 300 miles, all friends work, a couple of SAH mums from the kids school that I would be very reluctant to approach for help as I could never return the favour. I can't imagine how much harder it must be as a single parent.