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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Taking days off work for ill child

250 replies

Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 13:57

I'm venting so please bear with me fellow MNers! My DS was poorly this week, flu like symptoms, laying in bed no energy. He's 12. I'm a single parent with NO support. I work part time in a challenging (but thoroughly enjoyable) job.

Cut a long story short....... I rang work short notice on two occasions this week, to use up my annual leave as DS poorly and I obviously have to look after him. Second time the message wasn't passed on (not my fault!!) and it did cause a bit of hassle with cover etc I appreciate that. So today my boss calls me in, all 'nicey nicey' saying that my son is at secondary school now and exactly what age do I intend leaving him on his own when ill as me going off short notice caused a lot of problems!!!!!! I said what the hell am I supposed to do???!!! He was ill in bed, really not well and you are expecting me to leave him on his own from 7.30am till whenever in the evening (I'm supposed to finish at 4 but nature of the job means it is often 6/7pm!!). I bit my tongue, said sorry, but also I cannot promise it won't happen again as what on earth am I supposed to do?! He was off in December (I

took ONE day annual leave!) as he injured his foot and was on crutches. She said its 'happening a lot'!!!! I've come out and managed to compose myself but I'm fucking FUMING!!! Work have been good, I appreciate that they have their jobs to do. But what on earth am I supposed to do, as a single mum with no support???? She really thinks I would leave an asthmatic 12 year old on his own ALL DAY?????

OP posts:

KellyElly · 15/01/2015 15:23

I have a five year old and no help as a single parent. I'm very lucky that I have a really understanding employer. If I didn't, it still wouldn't change the fact that I would have no option but to take time off when my child is really ill. I think a lot of people unsypathetic to your predicament OP, have been lucky enough to not find themselves in you situation. I am and have every sympathy, as does my employer with my situation, because I am good at my job and they can see I do not have any other options and I'm doing the best I can in a fucking hard situation. As are you

Italiangreyhound · 15/01/2015 15:24

Nicknacky and it is wonderful that you do . Is it paid? Either way I was always of the impression that flexibility in work should go both ways. If you are flexible with work should they not be with you?

I am sure under normal circumstances OP would not feel too bad doing a bit of work for a colleague who was off sick, so likewise when she is off with a sick child would her colleagues not be covering for her?

Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 15:25

Sooty my boss didn't go this over the phone ive been back at work today and she asked to see me in her office.

OP posts:

Italiangreyhound · 15/01/2015 15:26

Sorry Shoegal0305 cross posted.

Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 15:26

Thankyou KellyElly xx

OP posts:

Nicknacky · 15/01/2015 15:28

Yes it is paid overtime although sometimes you would rather just be able to go home!

Generally speaking they are as flexible as they can but they need their staff working, tbh.

Whist colleagues can cover to a certain extent, it's manning levels that are affected. In my job, less police on duty means less officers to attend incidents which impacts on service levels and officer safety.

I'm very lucky to have support. I've been unable to collect from school when my child is sick which sucks, but it's the nature of the emergency service.

ScotsWhaHae · 15/01/2015 15:29

It is shit and you're bot alone with having this issue. I have good support around me and quite hardy kids so have not had to use much of this leave at all over the last 9 years. However I appreciate how hard it must be.

If I were you just phone in as if it's you that's ill.

Employers aren't making if particularly easy for people. I get 3 days paid a year however posing a day's salary would be really difficult, my budget is tight enough. There's no easy answer for either side but if saying it was me that was ill would save all this hassle I know what I would do.

Work is work. I love my work but it doesn't deserve any more of me than my family.

schokolade · 15/01/2015 15:32

Trust me I feel your pain shoegal! I tend to feel less desperate after a bit of recovery time or rest myself. But the situation sucks. No way round it. Pass the gin...

DisappointedOne · 15/01/2015 15:33

Dangerous advice to advise she says she's sick herself. Most police forces are hot on sickness absence and she could find herself under disciplinary procedures after 3 periods of sickness.

ScotsWhaHae · 15/01/2015 15:35

Dangerous

That's me. Live life on the edge.

Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 15:50

I'm not police. I'm ambulance. But same re sickness. I had this bug last week which meant I was sick for a day.

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 15/01/2015 15:50

Scots what you suggest is fraud.

ScotsWhaHae · 15/01/2015 15:52

Quite possibly.

sarascompact · 15/01/2015 15:52

You have my sympathy too. I'm a lone parent too. I was recently dismissed for taking emergency time off to care for my (older than yours) DC, who ended up in hospital.

AFAIAC my former company can go shove it where the sun doesn't shine if it thinks that their poor business sense (ie having no contingency plan should staff become ill/injured/have an ill DC/get stuck in a lift/whatever reason) and their minimum wage job is more important than my child being hospitalised. (Or as

ilovesooty · 15/01/2015 15:53

It's difficult. In your job you obviously can't drop it all and go home but the manager needs to be able to plan reliable rotas and services.

sarascompact · 15/01/2015 15:53

Sorry, I don't know what happened there!

Or as morethan put it, "There is no way any job is more important than my kids."

Blu · 15/01/2015 15:54

Op, it sounds very stressful, and you are in a difficult situation.

I think you need to find some emergency childcare. Put an ad in your local primary school, children's centre and nursery and see if there are any after school child minders who would do occasional one-off emergency day time nannying. Or an ad on your local MN asking if there are any retired, p/t or other available nannies who would like occasional work. I guess these people are hard to find, but if you interviewed n so that your son knew her, and you could check her availability in an emergency.

Or sign up to a babysitting agency that provides care on short notice.

It's expensive, but maybe not as expensive as having to take unoaid leave - and you could see it as the investment that enables you to do your job as a single parent.

ilovesooty · 15/01/2015 15:55

Not only fraud but a sackable offence Scots
Thankfully the OP has a better work ethic than you.

ScotsWhaHae · 15/01/2015 15:58

Thing is sooty, there are no medals awarded for work ethic.

I've never had to resort to doing so but I would if needs must.

Nicknacky · 15/01/2015 16:00

shoegal I asked earlier but we possibly crossed posts, what did you do previously when your son was ill? Is it possible to go back to what arrangements you had then?

sarascompact · 15/01/2015 16:01

If the situation ever arose again although thankfully it's not going to, I'd have no hesitation in phoning in and saying I was ill as Scots suggested.

sarascompact · 15/01/2015 16:05

Blu, be realistic. Who's going to be willing to look after an ill child at all? Particularly at short notice!

Any childminder/nanny/nursery nurse who isn't already working that day isn't going to want to risk getting flu/D&V or similar herself and to take it home to her kids or to her mindees.

ilovesooty · 15/01/2015 16:05

Well Scots I wasn't talking about medals.
However if you ring in sick when you're not you can lose your job.

ilovesooty · 15/01/2015 16:07

If you ring in sick yourself rather than accept unpaid leave for emergency childcare it's fraud and you deserve to be sacked for misconduct if you're discovered.

flashfalshflash · 15/01/2015 16:08

If they are a public service employer they should have a carers' leave policy.

I would ask for a formal meeting with a union rep present. If you feel your rep is too hot-headed that is an issue which needs to be picked up and dealt with as well. The union is there to work for you and help you.

And it is difficult to diagnose a "minor illness" which means a child can be left all day - this could change and become more serious - stressful for the OP and her son in this situation.

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