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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I just need some perspective

481 replies

babynamechange · 11/01/2015 23:25

There's a huge backstory to this...but basically I'm asking the question so Im sure I'm not overreacting before I do anything...
To cut a very long story short I have had concerns about my DS having contact with his father due inappropriate touching and emotional abuse etc. DS is currently being seen by a SW about this. It has been a huge struggle to actually get someone to listen, but someone is now seeing him, although i don't know when he will be spoken to again.

DS has just come in to tell me he wants to tell me something but doesn't want to say it. Anyway he said his dad has been taking photos of him while he's on the toilet (he doesn't normally take photos generally). DS said he really didn't like this. I know he would have been really upset as he doesn't like anyone even in the vicinity when he's doing a poo. He's six.

I know or rather I think I must be asking the blatantly obvious, but is this in any world ok :( x

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Original poster
babynamechange · 05/02/2015 21:34

I guess so. I need to keep thinking positively.
I spoke you that solicitor who helps me today and he thinks that alarm bells will have to ring in court. I said he was denying it and he said of course he's not going to admit to being a total weirdo. That was good to hear, I'm so used to excuses being made for him x

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Aeroflotgirl · 05/02/2015 21:45

You deserve to think positively. Now g is not on the scene, she was a massive thorn in your side. And if course ex thinks he's right, like baby solicitor has said, he won't admit to being a Paedophile. His behaviour I read from baby a while back in supervised contact, was awful. If supervised contact is granted, he won't want to be in ds life as he cannot comit abuse out in the open. He said as I rememer that he will not bother if contact is supervised, which is what you want.

LucyBabs · 05/02/2015 22:57

Thinking of you baby and your ds x

Original poster
babynamechange · 06/02/2015 06:04

Thanks Lucy x
Aero I've no doubt he will try and involve her but hopefully we can keep her out of it x

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Aeroflotgirl · 06/02/2015 07:33

Yes hopefully, she is no longer on the case. Have you told ss about G and her behaviour. Hopefully not, I guess she is his ally, funny that, she is meant to be representing ds and his wishes. Hopefully she has moved job Smile

Original poster
babynamechange · 06/02/2015 07:42

Or sacked.. I'm sure we're not the only family she's done this to. I remember in court when she was desperately trying yo get DS removed, describing how shed been involved in another residency reversal that was very successful :(

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Aeroflotgirl · 06/02/2015 07:48

Hopefully he won't be able to bring her to court as she's off the case.

Aeroflotgirl · 06/02/2015 07:50

Oh my god, she is dangerous and evil Shock. I hope she has been sacked. Judge has seen ex behaviour in court, despite g protests and application for residency reversal, felt ds was safe and happy with you. So keep that in mind.

Aeroflotgirl · 06/02/2015 10:02

I feel ss know that ds is in danger with his dad, hence extending the suspension if contact, and investigating. I hope ds opens up much more about his abuse.

Aeroflotgirl · 06/02/2015 15:49

How did it go at school puck up? Was he there.

Original poster
babynamechange · 06/02/2015 18:57

I was told to collect him early and then we were out as I was mindful he might come to our house. But nothing nothing that I know about x

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Jux · 06/02/2015 19:19

Good news! Sensible to arrange to be out after school. Hope you had a good time.

Aeroflotgirl · 06/02/2015 19:24

That is great Baby Smile

Aeroflotgirl · 06/02/2015 19:29

wonder if he did come, and if he did, how did he behave like.

Ohfourfoxache · 06/02/2015 19:40

Fantastic! Very glad to hear that you've had a peaceful start to the weekend x

Original poster
babynamechange · 06/02/2015 19:50

Thank you
I need to stop worrying and relax and make the most of it xxxx

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Aeroflotgirl · 06/02/2015 20:05

Yes good plan baby, enjoy. They must have very good reason to suspend contact, Mabey they know or suspect something

WeldedParentMaterials · 06/02/2015 20:51

Great news x

(I'm a namechanger)

Original poster
babynamechange · 06/02/2015 20:53

FlowersFlowersFlowersFlowers to everyone x

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Aeroflotgirl · 07/02/2015 08:39

Is ds going to see SW soon. It is great news as they would not suspend contact for nothing. sS probably suspect ds is being abused. If ex said what he said to the judge, to the SW about his rights as a dad to touch ds however he wants. The judge may likely to ignore it, but it will raise alarm bells for SW.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/02/2015 08:49

If he is so blasé in court in front of everyone, he will probably be to SW. After all paedophiles do not see what they are doing is wrong, they think that they have every right to abuse.

Andro · 07/02/2015 19:58

I'm really glad that the sw isn't dropping the matter - long may suspended contact continue!

jigsawlady · 07/02/2015 20:51

baby - it sounds like you're a great mum, im sure your son will look back on this and be very thankful he had you to put so much effort into looking out for him.

Original poster
babynamechange · 07/02/2015 21:13

Ah thank you Jigsawlady Flowers I hope so. For so long I've felt like I was letting him down by not being brave enough to not send him. I've been incredibly stressed this last week because I wasn't sure if the SW would be able to expressly state that they couldn't recommend unsupervised contact and what I would do about the next contact if she didn't. I just couldn't have sent him, but was then terrified of the consequences.

I can't describe how grateful I am that DS has her xx

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Original poster
babynamechange · 07/02/2015 21:32

Andro, me too. Atm he's completely refusing to talk to her and I can imagine that continuing xx

Aero she's seeing DS next week to establish if he actually wants to see his dad xx

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