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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I just need some perspective

481 replies

babynamechange · 11/01/2015 23:25

There's a huge backstory to this...but basically I'm asking the question so Im sure I'm not overreacting before I do anything...
To cut a very long story short I have had concerns about my DS having contact with his father due inappropriate touching and emotional abuse etc. DS is currently being seen by a SW about this. It has been a huge struggle to actually get someone to listen, but someone is now seeing him, although i don't know when he will be spoken to again.

DS has just come in to tell me he wants to tell me something but doesn't want to say it. Anyway he said his dad has been taking photos of him while he's on the toilet (he doesn't normally take photos generally). DS said he really didn't like this. I know he would have been really upset as he doesn't like anyone even in the vicinity when he's doing a poo. He's six.

I know or rather I think I must be asking the blatantly obvious, but is this in any world ok :( x

OP posts:
Shenanagins · 04/02/2015 20:21

Sorry to hear that your little boy is still going through this after all this time. Really hope it is sorted soon.
X

Original poster
babynamechange · 05/02/2015 13:34

Thank you shenanagins x
Some good news. Just heard back from the SW she's spoken to her line and a senior manager and they can't recommend unsupervised contact until they've done their own investigation. She said that could be difficult as he's refusing to see her. He also said he was still going to pick up DS so I need to collect DS early again.
I asked her if I should just wait wrt to court as he's said he's made a residence application and she said to seek advice. I did and the solicitor who helps me said it would be better if I made the application. So scared as I am I guess I will have to do that

Thank you so much to everyone xxxxxx

OP posts:
CrapBag · 05/02/2015 13:51

Glad to hear he can't have unsupervised contact at the moment. He really is a arrogant twat though isn't he, all this going on and he still thinks he can swan around and pick your DS up.

God I hope he gets what's coming to him. Such a nasty piece of work!

Good luck for going back to court. Hopefully with SS involved they can sort this out once and for all.

Original poster
babynamechange · 05/02/2015 13:59

Thanks crapbag Flowers
Yes she's definitely seeing what he's really like

OP posts:
EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 05/02/2015 14:50

Good luck
You really need the social worker to be saying that they will take legal advice if he has unsupervised contact with DS. That would bolster your position.

Ohfourfoxache · 05/02/2015 15:05

oh Baby that's super Thanks

I know this is probably a stupid question, but are the school aware of his intention to pick ds up? I know you'll have this covered already - just trying to think of ways he might try to get round supervised access.

Ehric out of interest, if the SW says that they will seek legal advice, how would this have to be declared? Does it have to be in writing to the judge or is there some sort of panel that it needs to be presented to first, or is there some sort of application process? Sorry to pick on you but I know very little about SS/child protection procedures Blush

Aeroflotgirl · 05/02/2015 15:11

That is fanrastic baby Smile, he really is a nasty piece of work, I feel that she believes you and ds and hence her investigating. Just because the police has said the photos do not meet the threshold, does not mean no abuse is taking place. No more G either, you have SS on your side supporting your application. I hope that ds will open up more to SW. Make sure school does not release ds to him.

Original poster
babynamechange · 05/02/2015 15:11

Ah thank you Flowers
The SW phoned the school to let them know he wasn't to have DS and that he was threatening to come anyway. She had done that before I spoke to her. So the school know directly from her.

Ehric thank you. I'm guessing they can't make that recommendation until they've investigated it themselves?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 05/02/2015 15:12

She has also seen him as he is so that has probably raised her suspicions.

Original poster
babynamechange · 05/02/2015 15:13

As he won't engage, her next step I think is to talk to DS about whether he actually wants to see his dad. Finally someone actually caring what DS thinks about that x

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 05/02/2015 15:14

If he comes and ds is nit there or they refuse to hand him over, he could get aggressive which is what you want, as staff have to report it.

Ohfourfoxache · 05/02/2015 15:14

The SW sounds good. Really good.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/02/2015 15:15

Baby I am ever so happy for you and ds, alleluajah somebody is taking ds seriously.

Ohfourfoxache · 05/02/2015 15:16

Oh yes, please God let him get aggressive. Not enough for anyone to get hurt, just enough to necessitate calling 999.......

Aeroflotgirl · 05/02/2015 15:18

His persistence at coming to pick up ds mirrors also his refusal to listen when ds tells him to stop abusing him and doing what the hell he wants. Have you got court transcripts from your last hearing that you could show SW,where he told judge he could do what he wants to ds and touch him how he wants as its his right as a father. The judge warned him after that outburst that he is on shaky ground. If you have ss written and legal support all the better.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/02/2015 15:19

I agree oforfoxache no one getting hurt but enough for Poluce to get involved.

Ohfourfoxache · 05/02/2015 15:25

Bloody hell yes - I'd forgotten about that Aeroflot - court transcripts might be rather useful. Surely it can only strengthen the case for the investigation?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 05/02/2015 15:26

Have only just stumbled on this thread, sending you lots of strength, glad the new SW seems to recognise what this horrible man is like.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/02/2015 15:26

His refusal to talk to SW I am sure is a red flag, he is hiding something. An innocent man would do all he could to comply I feel.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/02/2015 15:27

Exactly ohfourfoxach he is how he is in court

Osmiornica · 05/02/2015 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
babynamechange · 05/02/2015 20:09

Ah thank you
Yes I am so relieved. It's still sinking in. I'm dreading having to go back to court but hopefully the outcome should be different now x

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 05/02/2015 20:49

It should be so different with G gone, and support for you from SS. You are not alone anymore Smile

Aeroflotgirl · 05/02/2015 20:50

SS report will provide weight to your application for supervised access

Ohfourfoxache · 05/02/2015 21:15

Baby it just can't be as bad as the last time you went to court. As Aeroflot says, you've finally got SS support, and you've done it before - a certain degree of uncertainty will be removed this time. You will be more confident in knowing what happens when etc.

Give yourself time for it to sink in, and please try not to think about your dread until you have to x