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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if honestly ... did you have a preference?

195 replies

chocgourmet · 10/01/2015 15:51

DH and I are planning to TTC no2.

DS has just turned 1 and I really want a girl this time Blush

I'm actually a bit scared to ttc in case it's another boy and it impacts on bonding with him which sounds awful.

Can anyone reassure me that these silly feelings go? Or not - and if they don't, how do you deal with them?

OP posts:
Irelephant · 10/01/2015 15:55

Ignore any nasty comments you get. I think more women do then will admit to it.

I have two girls. My son was stillborn. I'm pregnant now and I think I'd struggle if it was a boy. I'd feel like I was trying to replace him.

Not to scare you but girls are wicked Grin

Birdiegirl · 10/01/2015 15:57

Honestly, yes I do have preference. I have a dd 2.7 and I'm expecting dc2 in June. I would love another girl tbh. I know we're not meant to say that and I would never admit it in RL.

Of course at the end of the day as long as the baby is healthy that's all that really matters.

But given a choice I would love another dd.

loudarts · 10/01/2015 15:58

They go, I wasn't worried about the sex of my first 4, but we tried for dc5 because I really, really wanted another boy (had 1 boy and 3 girls). When we had the scan at 20 weeks and found out we were having another girl I was so disappointed I cried all the way home. Was absolutely fine when she was born tho, felt just as I did with the other dcs

TheFriar · 10/01/2015 15:59

I really wanted a girl for dc2 and was convinced it was... until we had the 20 weeks scan and it confirmed dc2 was a boy.

If I'm honest, I was devastated and it took me a while to get over it (so I was very happy to have sked whjat the sex was when I initially intented not to know). But when dc2 was born, boy or girl, it didn't make a jot of difference.

I think it's quite normal to 'prefer' to have a boy or a girl. And most people will reconcile themselves with the sex of the child as soon as they see the baby.

In few cases, it is such an issue that yes it does impact on the bonding. But ime from people around me, it's usually that there are other issues there.
Eg, one person I know has lost a dd when she was a toddler so she really wants another dd as her next child.
Or for another, the importance of being able to let 'the family name' is soooo great (with pressure from the parents etc...) that she feels she 'has to' give birth to a boy rather than a girl.

But from what you say, you aren't uin one of those 'particular' cases.

306235388 · 10/01/2015 16:03

First one I didn't have a preference though dh once admitted he would maybe like a boy if he got a choice. I was furious!

Anyways we had Ds and then in my second pregnancy I thought it'd be nice for Ds to have a wee brother. We got dd.

Can't imagine any different now.

toodles · 10/01/2015 16:04

loudarts, I'm the same with 3dd's and 1 ds. If someone could guarantee me a boy, I would try and get pregnant tomorrow, even at my advanced age. I would just love another boy even though my dd's are just amazing. Not pc to admit it though.

Strokethefurrywall · 10/01/2015 16:04

There is another thread in this at the moment where the OP was expecting no. 3 after 2 boys and was hoping for a girl.

I have 2 DS and was convinced no 2 was a girl, longed for him to be a girl. Found out at 22 weeks a bouncing baby boy. Was gutted for all of 2 days until I worked out that I wasn't disappointed I was having a boy but sad I might not ever have a daughter.
DS2 is 9 months now and an utter joy. As soon as I held him in my arms nothing else mattered and I've no doubt you'll feel the same. No trouble bonding at all, just happy I have tow boys who'll be the best of friends and the worst of enemies!

And if I were to have a third I think I'd love another boy to complete my little gang! Just saying that preferences change and we have no control over them. It's not wrong to want what you want, to realize the dream in your head of your family.
But if I were to have a third I wouldn't find out the sex in advance. I found the dwelling on it harder than had I not known and just had him laid on my chest. I knew that sex would have not even been a factor once that baby arrived and I took one look at their face!

youmakemydreams · 10/01/2015 16:05

I wanted another girl when I had ds2 was desperate for one. I can honestly say that when I went for my scan to find out I was just as delighted by being a boy. I thought I'd be gutted but wasn't at all. I'd still love a girl but 3 is enough and I love ds2 as much as the other 2. He is him and I wouldn't change him.

puntasticusername · 10/01/2015 16:06

I really really wanted a girl the first time, and had convinced myself I was carrying one. It was a genuine shock when DS1 was put in my arms!

Second time around, I would have slightly preferred a girl, but more because we had more good girls' names lined up Wink - we really struggled with boys' names. And lo, there arrived DS2!

Both times, it took me approximately twenty seconds to get used to idea of having a boy. It never affected bonding in the slightest. And now they are my two wonderful boys, they're amazing and I wouldn't swap them for any number of girls.

Whippet81 · 10/01/2015 16:06

Yep I did - I really wanted a boy (and got one).

I'm sure I would have loved a girl just as much bit I did feel anxious when I was asked 'do you want to know?' and I'll admit to relief when they said it was a boy. I think part of it was because I had convinced myself he was a boy.

I will most likely only have one due to medical issues - I don't think there's anything wrong with having a preference and I think a lot more people do than will admit it.

BikeRunSki · 10/01/2015 16:09

First time I really wanted a boy, and that is what I had.
Second time I had a slight preference for a boy, and had a girl. I soon got used to her!

Stinkle · 10/01/2015 16:09

In all honesty, yes I did a bit

First time round I didn't care, but with number 2 I'd've liked a boy.

We had a second girl, and whilst I didn't really care and wouldn't have it any other way now, I would have quite liked one of each

MrsMinton · 10/01/2015 16:09

I honestly didn't have a preference. My DH would have liked a girl but we got two DS. It's made not a jot of difference to how he is with them.

MamaLazarou · 10/01/2015 16:14

Yes, I did have a preference: I wanted a boy right from the start... and got one!

Don't feel guilty, it's perfectly normal. You'll love your baby.

merlehaggard · 10/01/2015 16:14

I had 2 girls and me my husband both thought we wanted another girl, but knew I'd be thrilled with a boy or girl. We had a boy, who is now 4 and we all 4 of us often say how glad we are he's a boy. In reality, 3 girls would also have been great. I think long term you will be pleased with either sex but if you have a very set vision it may be better to find out the sex to get used to the idea.

ShitHotAwesome · 10/01/2015 16:15

I think it's totally normal to have a preference.

pointythings · 10/01/2015 16:15

No, I didn't - but I think I'm probably unusual in that. My lack of preference may have been coloured by the fact that I was an 'older' mum - just shy of 33 when I had DD1. It took us 7 months to conceive - not long in the scheme of things, but it felt like forever and caused a lot of tension between me and DH. So when that blue line showed up, I honestly didn't care what we had as long as it was happy and healthy.

Second time around I was 2 years older and though we conceived easily that time, I still felt privileged and fortunate and so didn't care.

RobinEllacott · 10/01/2015 16:21

DH really wanted a girl: we got one, so I don't know with certainty whether it would have made any difference if DD had been a boy, but I'm pretty sure it would have been fine as soon as he was here. I didn't have a preference. I had, and have, more anxieties about a girl because my relationship with my own mother is so bad, though.

MehsMum · 10/01/2015 16:22

I always had a preference up until about 35 weeks; after that I just DID NOT CARE, so long as it came out, and was okay, and I was okay.

As it happened, every time I got what I had wanted at the beginning of the pregnancy, but even if I hadn't, I wouldn't have minded: by 40 weeks + (I went overdue every time) I was just delighted to see my baby.

Original poster
chocgourmet · 10/01/2015 16:23

I am an older mum - older than you pointy!

I was in fact wondering if that explained my feelings as we're highly unlikely to have a third.

DC1 was assisted conception (so will this baby) and I think you have time to plan and dream and "see" your family.

OP posts:
cookielove · 10/01/2015 16:24

Both my husband and I would like a girl, we have 1 ds who we adore if we were to have another boy then he would be adored but i would be sad that we wouldn't have a girl as dh doesn't want more than one two!

Harverina · 10/01/2015 16:24

I can honestly say I had no preference either time. I have two dd's. If I was to have another baby I would be happy with either a boy or a girl, though I don't think that we will have any more kids.

After I had dd2 some people asked if I was "going to try again" for a boy. They assumed that I hoped for a boy second time round in order to have the complete family - 1 boy and 1 girl seems to be seen as the preference, which it really wasn't for me.

simbacatlivesgain · 10/01/2015 16:26

I didnt mind- I have 1- 1 dd and 1 ds.

If i knew that I could only have had one I think I would have wanted a boy- dont know why- nothing religious.

Rosa · 10/01/2015 16:28

I wanted a girl and I got 2 was and am very happy !!!!
If I had had a boy I am sure that i would have loved it but I was very happy when I found out that dd2 was in fact female !!!

emeline · 10/01/2015 16:29

I really wanted boys because I grew up with sisters and they were so bitchy and bullying, and I went to all girls schools, too, and couldn't stand the nit picking rivalry.

I was actually scared of having daughters.

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