to ask if honestly ... did you have a preference?

[chocgourmet]

DH and I are planning to TTC no2.

DS has just turned 1 and I really want a girl this time

I'm actually a bit scared to ttc in case it's another boy and it impacts on bonding with him which sounds awful.

Can anyone reassure me that these silly feelings go? Or not - and if they don't, how do you deal with them?

DC1 - I was literally desperate for a boy. I had repeated suicide ideation fixed on it (ie if I'd found I was pg with a girl I'd have needed urgent psych treatment and possible admission). In the event, at 20w we were told he was definitely male, and possibly had a medical condition incompatible with life. Although that "possibly" turned out to be "not", at the time my feeling was "at least he isn't a girl". So I do not believe that everyone necessarily doesn't care, as long as it's healthy, which is bloody rude to parents of children with chronic conditions anyway.

Second time around, after an intervening traumatic mmc, I wanted a boy again. Partly emotional, and partly for logistical/practical reasons - we had a general 3DC plan, but wouldn't have tried for a third if the first two had been opposite sexes. Again I was lucky; but again he was given a query diagnosis with lots of follow-ups and turned out to be ok.

Another mc. Then DC3 - this time I wanted a girl, for my idealised BBG set. We weren't trying for a girl specifically any more, because the clock was ticking, so missing fertile days seemed daft but I did hope, purely for emotional reasons.

This time I did not get what I was hoping for. I wasn't as ill as I had been with DC1 so neither of us was in any danger, but it did take a while for me to get over my disappointment. I did so by seeking out positive opinions/experiences of having three boys, and by finding a name I felt really positive about, and reflecting on the savings and other practical advantages of matching sexes. Within a couple of weeks I could scarcely remember wanting a girl.

Now, with a house full of boys, I sometimes feel wistful about not having a girl, but in the same way as I wonder what it would be like to have married a previous squeeze, or done a different degree, or something. I would not give up what I have for anything.

tl;dr - OP, it's totally ok to have a preference, whether emotional or practical. But I recommend finding put the sex antenatally so that any disappointment can be dealt with in the abstract, rather than being associated with your actual newborn. I listed my tactics above, and they worked. My "wrong sex" DC is such joy.

When I was pregnant with my DS I knew he was going to be a boy from the start and was quite happy with it but I would be lying if I sad I did not want a little girl. However I have a niece coming this year which has made me more happy with either a boy or girl. I would still love a little girl, as would my oh but we would also be thrilled with all boys.

Pregnant with my first baby and I want a girl

I didn't mind for the first one, but really wanted one of each so was very happy to end up with DS1, DD and DS2.

I genuinely don't have a preference but I actually think that's quite unusual. I have DD and am expecting DC2. I would love another girl as DD is so amazing. I would love a boy as imagine boys are probably amazing too . I've met a few people recently who have been vocal about their preference in real life. I find this quite sad as it would be awful if the resulting DC was told about it when they were older. I would also hate anyone to think I was 'disappointed' with my child in any way. I wouldn't judge anyone for having a quiet preference though

Yes, DH and I wanted two girls and We have two girls.

DH hates football and isn't much into any traditional male sport.

He gets on brilliantly with DD's geeky 'friend who happens to be a boy' (He is not my BF!!!!), but he finds boys in general very hard work.

I just think girls let you have the best of both worlds. DD2 owned football boots and ballet shoes at the same time. DD1 is doing science and art at A level.

We had dolls, trains, Lego and endless toy cars, but non of the hideous plastic toys Argos aim at boys.

DD1 does active out door stuff. DD2 gymnastics, which is the least girly thing going if you count the bruises!

Yes. I wanted a girl both times. The first time because my sister in law had girls and I sort of was used to girl babies and their bits, but not boy babies. The second time because I had a lot of hand-me-downs that I'd kept and it would just have been handy to be able to use them. I'd like to think that if I'd had boys I would have been quite happy about them as the reasons I wanted girls were just practical and not terribly emotionally invested.

My friend on the other hand wanted girls too. She had boys. Each time she gave birth to a boy (she now has 3) she was terribly disappointed. :( I found it sad. At one point they were going to adopt also 'to get a girl'. :( I think that has blown over though.

I think it's fairly normal to have a preference. Although once baby is there you really don't mind.

With my first I really wanted a girl, probably because h has two older sons from a previous marriage. I had a boy and wouldn't change him even 17yrs later

With my second I wanted a boy as we were in a 2 bed house and so we wouldn't need to move. I did have a boy but we moved anyway! I did feel a bit sad as I thought it would be my last and a girl would have been nice but a boy was much more practical in terms of sharing a room, hand me downs etc.

Then with my third I did really want a boy again for practical reasons with two already I felt I knew what to expect from a boy etc but was a girl and I was over the moon. We definitely felt complete as a family with the three.

LLJ4, I can't not ask.
Why did you have a suicide fixation on having a boy first? That's massively extreme. Especially as you wanted a girl eventually, just not the first born? Why?

I had a girl and then when I was pregnant with DC2 I was DESPERATE for a boy, genuinely terrified that I would be disappointed if it was a girl and actually felt very stressed about it, then DC2 was born, and she is a girl and I was completely thrilled and not disappointed for even a second and now I genuinely can't think of one single reason why I even wanted a boy to begin with. HTH!

Yes, I always wanted a little boy and now I have two. I wouldn't have been disappointed with a girl but I always sort of imagined in the abstract that I would have boys.

I really didn't care, but now I two boys, if I have a DC3, it would be a novelty to have a DD. It would also be easier for buying presents! Really, I love my children for who they are. DS1 and 2 are similar in many ways, then so utterly different. I love them as individuals, not because of the arrangement of their genitals (unless they just weed in my face...)

First time, I didn't have a preference, I got a dd, second time I wanted another girl and I got dd2. If I had to have a 3rd, I would love to have a little boy, then another boy again, one can only dream

I had a preference for a girl both times. I have two lovely boys. I don't care enough to try for a third baby though. Two boys are great, I can't wait for them to be able to play together.

I was desperate for a daughter. I knew we'd have a maximum of two kids.

I have two boys.

I was upset when I found out the first time (at 20 weeks; I wanted to find out early so I'd have time to get the fuck over myself before LO turned up). The second time, I was sad to think I'd never have a daughter - but after two mcs in quick succession and a dodgy first trimester, I was utterly delighted that the baby was well.

And now they're here, and I've just found out my sister's having a girl. And I don't give a damn.

The thing is, my two DSs are amazing, and funny, and gorgeous, and loving, and which one would I swap to get this mythical girl? Clearly neither. So that's that.

(I'm dreading being a MIL, but that's another story...)

I had a slight preference for a girl with my first but when he was born it struck me he is a little person and there is so much more important than his sex. I've just found out I'm having a second boy and after a moment of disappointment I'm very happy that DS will have a brother.

The main reason for my preference was about the future. I'm close to my mum since I had my own child and I'd like that relationship with a daughter. Still, that might have never happened.

When I was pregnant I didn't really put much thought in to it but DH was very vocal about his much he wanted a son.

We did have a son and if we were to try again for another baby part of me thinks it would be lovely for me to have a daughter but the other part of me thinks it would be wonderful to have two boys.

If me and DH do decide to have another I know he won't mind what sex it is as he already has the son he initially wanted.

If I'm honest, I probably would prefer another girl next time. Partially because I have all the girl's stuff already, but also because I love the relationship I have with my own sisters. I think the relationship between same sex siblings is somehow different to those of different sexes, even though both can be close.

However, I figure second time round is kind of win-win. If you have a second of the same sex it's great from a practical POV and if DC2 is the other sex, you get to experience one of each! Would be thrilled with a happy, healthy baby either way though!

First time i wanted a girl because i dont really understand boys. Got a boy.

when pg again i walked through the girls' section in h&m where everything was pink. i thought i cant be doing with this. Got a girl.

Meechi it's fine to ask.

I very strongly believed that any daughter of mine needed/deserved an older brother. This is not rational, but I am the oldest and "felt" the lack of an older brother, so that's where it came from.

Upthread someone mentioned being terrified of having a girl, and I recognise that fear. How the fuck do you bring up a girl in a man's world? And for me, the idea of bringing up a brotherless girl in a man's world was impossible.

So, bluntly, I had concluded that the only possible response to a "pink bundle" was suicide. I would so utterly have failed myself and her that no alternative was reasonable.

Fortunately my shred of remaining sanity meant I'd have declared those thoughts if they'd mattered and I'd have got help.

With my first I desperately wanted a boy, so much so that we just assumed it would be that turned out to be dd1.

Second time around I wanted a girl, purely for simplicity and practicality, that was dd2.

Third time, because I already had two DDs I assumed I would have another girl. welcome ds!

Thankfully I wasn't at all disappointed, when your baby is born you will feel just the same as with dc1

As soon as I knew I was having twins I secretly wanted one of each.

My second choice was two girls.

In private I was dreading two boys.

I suspect I'd have been over the moon with any of the above when the time came; but I got my first choice!

I have two boys. I am overdue with my third and am DESPERATE for a girl. Realistically though, I'm sure I'll be delighted if a boy pops out. It just means I'll probably have to go through another horrific pregnancy again in a couple of years in a last ditch (and it will be last ditch) attempt to have a girl.

With my first I had no preference (just terror!) and had a girl.
Second time round I had a faint preference for a boy just because I had a girl and wanted to try something different :) when they said "It's a girl!" I had a flash of "Aw, but I already have one!" which instantly went because she is awesome.
With DC3 I knew right away I was having a boy so it wasn't a surprise. However my friend's husband (who doesn't talk much if at all) said when DS was a few months old "You got your boy, then." That hit home- I hadn't even admitted to myself how thrilled I was to be having a DS after two girls.