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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if honestly ... did you have a preference?

195 replies

chocgourmet · 10/01/2015 15:51

DH and I are planning to TTC no2.

DS has just turned 1 and I really want a girl this time Blush

I'm actually a bit scared to ttc in case it's another boy and it impacts on bonding with him which sounds awful.

Can anyone reassure me that these silly feelings go? Or not - and if they don't, how do you deal with them?

OP posts:
Rowgtfc72 · 10/01/2015 20:46

I wanted a boy, dh a girl. Dd is now seven
I'm not a girly girl,don't do make up, love football and motor racing. It had never crossed my mind a girl would do these things too. Dd loves Jenson Button, watches Touring Cars and goes to the football matches. She likes dresses and make up and pink bobbles.
Had dd when I was 36 so figured she would be an only and it wasn't disappointment more an ' oh,its a girl' moment.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 10/01/2015 20:48

Row if you love those things why wouldn't it cross your mind that another girl might also love those things?

GoldfishSpy · 10/01/2015 20:50

I had 2 boys. Wanted a girl.

Had another boy - and we couldn't love him more.

Don't worry :)

perfectlybroken · 10/01/2015 21:02

In both my pg I had slight preference for girls. As soon as both my sons were born I couldn't imagine why I'd wanted girls, they just seemed so right. I think if you are worried maybe find out gender at the scan, so that you can come to terms with any feelings of disappointment before the baby comes.

holeinmyheart · 10/01/2015 21:08

Well if it is any consolation plummy I have brought up both sexes to adulthood.
I absolutely love my boys and get on well with their wives. But the truth is that another woman is now more important to them, than me.

Which is absolutely as it should be, but I didn't realise when I had them, the extent, once they were married, that they would disappear from my life. Even though I knew the old adage of ' A Daughter is a Daughter for life etc., and I think we are a close family.
All my female friends who have male children feel the same.

I am just so very grateful that I have daughters. I am still the most important women in my married daughters lives. If I was forced to choose now, I would choose to have all daughters. The girls helped me at Christmas without being asked, or my having to ask, and they care so sensitively. They are into detail in a way that the boys are not.

I am also closer to my Daughter's children as I was there from the beginning. The DILs have their own DM, so I wasn't so involved with them. I would say that I was closer to the girls now they are older and we go on holiday together.

Whenever I see a family of all girls, I think they will be so grateful when they get older.

My MIL had two boys and they care for her now she is older like two boys. Although they do their best and are good to her, I furnish her with the small details and comfort.

DilysMoon · 10/01/2015 21:12

Honestly no, had 2 ds and love the bond they have and love having boys. Dc3 arrived recently and is a dd!

I truthfully wasn't bothered either way but felt a lot of pressure from others than I must want a girl, had we tried for dc3 to get a girl (!), weren't we lucky to have a girl (!!) etc so I think it must be important to a lot of people so YANBU.

NannyPlumIsMyIdol · 10/01/2015 21:12

1st time i wanted a girl - got a girl (was convinced she was a boy all through pregnancy though)

2nd time wasn't bothered either way, DH wanted a boy and i knew he was a boy - got a boy

3rd time wanted a boy - got a girl

echt · 10/01/2015 21:13

I wanted a girl for my first child as I saw the advantages a first-born had and wanted them to be for a girl. DH and I wanted to have four children, all girls, but we have just the one, DD.

Sallystyle · 10/01/2015 21:26

Yep.

I wanted a girl with my 1st, 2nd and 3rd pregnancy and got wonderful boys.

Married a new man and had two girls.

If my husband hadn't got the snip and we had more I would now want another boy Grin

I was never devastated or anything like that, but I had a preference. When I found out they were boys I didn't really care.

FannyBlott · 10/01/2015 21:29

I have two sons. I didn't have any preference first time and didn't find out his sex until he was born and DH said "he's a little son!"
Second time around I knew it would be my last (as far as we know - not planned anymore but I'm still in my twenties so that could change).
I didn't really have a preference as I liked the idea of two boys but the first name we chose when pregnant with ds1 was a girls name and we love it, we couldn't agree on another boys name so I found out the sex at 20weeks. I was a bit sad for one day, not because ds2 is a boy but because I knew I'd never get to use that name, I'd never have a daughter. I got over it very quickly.
DS2 ended up with a name neither of us are that keen on as we couldn't agree on anything else (we'd never admit that in real life) but it really suits him.
I can't imagine it any other way, both my boys are wonderful. It annoys me when people say "two of the same" because they couldn't be more different. They are complete opposites in both looks and personality.
"boy" and "girl" tell you absolutely nothing about what a person is like.

toobreathless · 10/01/2015 21:31

I have two DDs, families of all one sex seem to dominant in my wider family, my parents are both one of 4 of the same sex. My aunts and uncles had one or the other (2-4 children per family)

My only preference is that if we only have one gender I'm a little bit glad it seems to be girls.

I also quite like having two girls as it seems more acceptable to contemplate a third.

I would have a slight preference for a boy if we have another. But then a girl would be cheaper clothing wise.

slippermaiden · 10/01/2015 21:32

I hoped for two healthy ones and that's what I got! I feel blessed ??

Olbasaddict · 10/01/2015 21:35

I really believed most people didn't mind....so this is an eye opener. I never cared. I always believed every child would be an individual little soul, perfectly loveable and boy or girl just didn't matter. I remember my male boss was desperate for a boy when his wife was pregnant and I thought a little less of him after that. Why did he think a boy would be better? I didn't get it. And still don't.

I have two girls and a boy. I love them the same. They are all brilliant and different.

arethereanyleftatall · 10/01/2015 21:37

Yep. Though I didn't realise it until I had children and then met other children. I've got two girls. Wouldn't want it any other way.
From what I've seen, and this is a sweeping generalisation, girls as toddlers/preschoolers are much easier than boys, though im guessing this might reverse as teenagers.

Ringovandingo · 10/01/2015 21:38

I massively had a preference!

I found out what I was having at my 20 week scan because I really wanted a girl and would have needed to get my head around having a boy

I got my girl :) honestly wouldn't mind next time though

BigCatFace · 10/01/2015 21:39

Yes, I had a strong preference for a girl. Not even sure why. I have lots of sisters and went to an all girls school, so in a way my brain goes to girl as the default human. I'm not stereotypically “girly" but felt like I wouldn't know what to do with a boy. So was delighted at the 13 week scan the (experienced) sonographer said she was fairly certain it was a girl. DH had had a girl preference too.

Of course at the 22 week scan it was a boyand I cried like a twat. I don't think I would have had we not had the earlier guess. I felt like I had lost my daughter.

Now at 35 weeks I can't wait to meet my son :)

Rowgtfc72 · 10/01/2015 21:44

Gottobe, I assumed dd wouldn't be a girly girl as I stood out as the only non girly girl at school. All my friends and relations were dressing their girls in pink fluffy things! I was brought up pink for a girl,blue for a boy.
I did dress dd in pink ,and in turn she picks girly things.
I'm better informed now, dd is her own person,regardless of genderSmile

puddymuddles · 10/01/2015 21:49

I have two DDs and am expecting no 3 in June. Everyone expects me to be wanting a boy but actually I really want another girl as i think will be lovely to have three girls!! Will of course be very happy with a boy too but my preference is definitely another DD!

puddymuddles · 10/01/2015 21:50

Finding out the sex in 2 weeks!!

girliefriend · 10/01/2015 21:53

When I was pregnant I always thought I would have a boy, when dd was born I was so pleased. I think secretly I had wanted a girl but not believed it would happen.

Bonsoir · 10/01/2015 21:54

Absolutely. I wanted a girl. Thank goodness I had one - the whole family needed one!

Glittery7 · 10/01/2015 21:55

Slight preference for a girl with DD1. Strong preference for another girl with DD2. Lucky.

Failedspinster · 10/01/2015 22:24

I would have loved to have the experience of parenting a girl. I'm the only girl in my family and my mum and I are very close. Its still a little raw that I will never get to have a similar relationship with a daughter of mine. During both my pregnancies, I hoped for a girl but was delighted with my two healthy, beautiful boys. We can't afford more children and both consider our family complete now. But I'm still sad about not having had a daughter. I'm worried that, as per holeinmyheart's post above, my sons will grow away from me as adults in a way that daughters wouldn't so much.

It's not so much that I would have preferred either of my sons as individuals to be daughters - I can't imagine them to be different from how they are - but I wish there had been a girl in our family somewhere, and there isn't. I envy people who have the experience of parenting both sexes, and wish I could have shared it.

ineedausername · 10/01/2015 22:31

For my first i wanted a girl, i'd always wanted a girl and thats what i got. Really wanted a boy for number 2 and got him next :)

lecherslady · 10/01/2015 23:29

I always wanted daughters. When DH and I agreed on having two children, I wanted two girls.

I taught in a girls' school for a while, and I just find girls so much easier to relate to. So was very lucky when I got my DDs.

Have been even luckier that they like going to the theatre, to the ballet, shopping trips and our days out etc. Took DD2 out for brunch today and she said "I love going out and having our girlie chats".

I also wanted two of the same gender, as i had a brother and I never felt it has got quite the same bond. Again, Im very lucky that my two DDs are close. Today they bought themselves a best friends necklace and they had half each, as they're best friends. Smile.